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Surrogacy

Join to connect with others in similar situations and discuss legal processes, costs, well-being, and types of surrogacy.

Original poster

Has anyone ever had a baby through surrogacy?

139 replies

highsexdriveonhol · 20/08/2023 13:45

Disclaimer: this is NOT a thread about the ethics of surrogacy - please don't come here with posts about how you don't agree with surrogacy blah blah it's not what the thread is for and you'd be wasting your breath.

I'm exploring all routes of starting a family and to be honest, not convinced this route is for me but I feel only right to consider everything before drawing a line.

So I wanted to hear about positive and negative experiences of surrogacy from parents that did this to have a family.

Did it go well or not well for you, would you do it again?

Are there trauma issues for the child in your experience? Did you struggle to bond with the child?

Ideally looking for couple that used their own sperm and egg where possible.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
Modernworld · 05/11/2023 15:37

Gosh I sincerely hope you have no pets, not ripped any animal away from the mother....

Your post is absolutely ridiculous. I have a son born through surrogacy and from birth, and before birth, he knew my voice. He knew me. He loves me as much as I love him. Our surrogate is still in his life and he is happy and loved with all his needs met.

There are parents out there who shouldn't reproduce. They literally torture children but let's not take them to safety cause 'its all the baby knows'. Don't you dare ever comment about neglect of children with an attitude like that.

Modernworld · 05/11/2023 15:40

What a load of rubbish.

Your another who would rather see kids stay with their abusive parents than have a safe and happy life. Are you adopted ? I am... I'm not traumatized, I don't remember the DNA creators I came from. I remember my loved, warm caring upbringing. Just like my son, born via surrogacy will.

Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby · 05/11/2023 15:45

Immoralplant · 29/10/2023 12:15

When a baby is born, the only mother it knows is the woman it has been growing inside for nine months. Removing a baby from its mother is cruel.
Mothers are not ‘ovens’, and babies are not cakes - they are human beings, and should not be bought and sold.

What a load of bollocks. I was removed at birth and put straight in to foster care. Did it affect me. No it did not

Modernworld · 05/11/2023 22:52

Immoralplant · 29/10/2023 12:15

When a baby is born, the only mother it knows is the woman it has been growing inside for nine months. Removing a baby from its mother is cruel.
Mothers are not ‘ovens’, and babies are not cakes - they are human beings, and should not be bought and sold.

Gosh I sincerely hope you have no pets, not ripped any animal away from the mother....

Your post is absolutely ridiculous. I have a son born through surrogacy and from birth, and before birth, he knew my voice. He knew me. He loves me as much as I love him. Our surrogate is still in his life and he is happy and loved with all his needs met.

There are parents out there who shouldn't reproduce. They literally torture children but let's not take them to safety cause 'its all the baby knows'. Don't you dare ever comment about neglect of children with an attitude like that.

drinktilisink · 06/11/2023 15:28

Modernworld · 05/11/2023 22:52

Gosh I sincerely hope you have no pets, not ripped any animal away from the mother....

Your post is absolutely ridiculous. I have a son born through surrogacy and from birth, and before birth, he knew my voice. He knew me. He loves me as much as I love him. Our surrogate is still in his life and he is happy and loved with all his needs met.

There are parents out there who shouldn't reproduce. They literally torture children but let's not take them to safety cause 'its all the baby knows'. Don't you dare ever comment about neglect of children with an attitude like that.

Show quote history

'Gosh I sincerely hope you have no pets, not ripped any animal away from the mother....'

Are you comparing children to dogs which - according to breeding law - are not allowed to be removed from their birth mother until they're at least eight weeks old?

Modernworld · 06/11/2023 15:45

drinktilisink · 06/11/2023 15:28

'Gosh I sincerely hope you have no pets, not ripped any animal away from the mother....'

Are you comparing children to dogs which - according to breeding law - are not allowed to be removed from their birth mother until they're at least eight weeks old?

Show quote history

Yes I am. What makes you think there are any differences between an educated female human who CHOOSES to birth a child to help other humans who can't. It's not forced (unlike pets), a surrogate can also keep the child should she wish with parental responsibility ongoing for AT LEAST 6 months (which pets cannot) and in the UK legally the surrogate mother cannot financially gain. It is done via choice and will only, with strict legalities.
So all the negative points regarding 'buying a baby' are invalid. It's assumed. And the whole only knowing the birth mother is absolute rubbish. A baby is born with instincts for a reason. There is NO understanding. Do some research then come back and argue your case.....

Immoralplant · 06/11/2023 16:05

Modernworld · 05/11/2023 15:37

Gosh I sincerely hope you have no pets, not ripped any animal away from the mother....

Your post is absolutely ridiculous. I have a son born through surrogacy and from birth, and before birth, he knew my voice. He knew me. He loves me as much as I love him. Our surrogate is still in his life and he is happy and loved with all his needs met.

There are parents out there who shouldn't reproduce. They literally torture children but let's not take them to safety cause 'its all the baby knows'. Don't you dare ever comment about neglect of children with an attitude like that.

Of course some mothers are not able to parent their own children, and in these cases it may be in the best interests of the baby to remove a child from it's mother.

'Surrogacy' arrangements create babies with the deliberate intention of removing them from their mothers, which is one reason why surrogacy is abhorrent.

Modernworld · 06/11/2023 16:26

Immoralplant · 06/11/2023 16:05

Of course some mothers are not able to parent their own children, and in these cases it may be in the best interests of the baby to remove a child from it's mother.

'Surrogacy' arrangements create babies with the deliberate intention of removing them from their mothers, which is one reason why surrogacy is abhorrent.

Show quote history

Again, as I said to another member.... Babies are born with instincts, not knowledge. Knowledge is learnt. No one is forced into being a surrogate (UK anyway) and the whole reason is for the intended parents to be part of the pregnancy as well as having a child.
A surrogate also legally can keep that child if they wishes. It's not as simple as renting a womb. The court then has to ensure the baby has a great home etc and investigates everything. So they are not 'removing from mothers'.
No one is forced to be a surrogate and there are thousands of surrogate babies now. I do not agree keeping the origin a secret for one second, however, I personally think in all circumstances a parent isn't the ones who created a child, it's the ones who have the ability to bring them up to be honest respectable members of humanity.

Edbr1 · 06/11/2023 22:05

Immoralplant · 06/11/2023 16:05

Of course some mothers are not able to parent their own children, and in these cases it may be in the best interests of the baby to remove a child from it's mother.

'Surrogacy' arrangements create babies with the deliberate intention of removing them from their mothers, which is one reason why surrogacy is abhorrent.

Show quote history

Whilst I appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, saying that surrogacy is "abhorrent" is quite disrespectful and it just once again shows how unkownledgeable you are on this topic.

Basically you're only replying for the sake of creating noise rather than actually being factual. In UK:

  • surrogacy doesn't remove babies from their mothers
  • surrogates aren't forced to be a surrogate

Whilst you might not wish to help someone else to have their own family, that is the dream for certain women and instead of admiring this selfless act you are presenting "facts" that are actually inaccurate and being a huge turn off to women who come to this platform looking for support/information on next steps.

Delphinium20 · 09/11/2023 20:58

Slavery and human trafficking have been justified by some throughout human history. Warm stories about the slave who was taught to read, write and play music who is so much better off than living in his destitute county of origin, or the child who was taken from a poor family and sold to a nice family (happened up through the 1960s in the US) doesn't change the fact that these practices have both been defended and abhorred throughout history.

Buying and selling human beings and commodifying women's reproductive capabilities IS abhorrent in my book.

Edbr1 · 10/11/2023 11:24

Delphinium20 · 09/11/2023 20:58

Slavery and human trafficking have been justified by some throughout human history. Warm stories about the slave who was taught to read, write and play music who is so much better off than living in his destitute county of origin, or the child who was taken from a poor family and sold to a nice family (happened up through the 1960s in the US) doesn't change the fact that these practices have both been defended and abhorred throughout history.

Buying and selling human beings and commodifying women's reproductive capabilities IS abhorrent in my book.

Only someone with zero understanding or knowledge on how surrogacy works in UK could compare it to buying and selling human beings.

FannyCann · 10/11/2023 20:18

surrogacy doesn't remove babies from their mothers

The woman who gives birth to a baby is the mother.
This has been confirmed in law (see Freddy McConnell). And legally the surrogate mother is the legal mother at birth until a parental order has been made.
And of course it is a fact of nature.

Nobody questions whether a woman who has a baby via IVG using a donor egg is the mother.

Of course the surrogate is the mother and so obviously the baby is removed from its mother. 🙄

FannyCann · 10/11/2023 20:25

• surrogates aren't forced to be a surrogate

I don't think anyone has suggested women are forced into surrogacy in the U.K.

Though there is a single gay man who appeared on the BBC "The Surrogates" programme and bemoaned the fact that the surrogates got to choose who to have a baby with.

Those mean women. Imagine being picky about who to have a baby for.

What is the end destination if women couldn't choose the commissioning parent they wanted to work with?

DiscoBeat · 10/11/2023 20:33

Some things should just not be for sale. Good luck on here, OP.

notahappybunny7 · 10/11/2023 20:34

juneybean · 05/11/2023 12:53

It's pretty shitty to read "the only mother a baby knows is the one that grew it" as an adoptive mother.

If someone came on here and said “I’ve a 6 week old baby and want to go away for the weekend, leave baby with grandparents, they’d be told do it! Or a woman wanted to work 50 hours a week with a 10 week old but could afford a great nanny it’d be fine. Babies only need their mothers when it comes to surrogacy apparently.

Tawlk · 10/11/2023 20:42

juneybean · 05/11/2023 12:53

It's pretty shitty to read "the only mother a baby knows is the one that grew it" as an adoptive mother.

Also pretty shitty to read as an adopted child 😞

VeronicaSawyer89 · 10/11/2023 20:45

Edbr1 · 06/11/2023 22:05

Whilst I appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, saying that surrogacy is "abhorrent" is quite disrespectful and it just once again shows how unkownledgeable you are on this topic.

Basically you're only replying for the sake of creating noise rather than actually being factual. In UK:

  • surrogacy doesn't remove babies from their mothers
  • surrogates aren't forced to be a surrogate

Whilst you might not wish to help someone else to have their own family, that is the dream for certain women and instead of admiring this selfless act you are presenting "facts" that are actually inaccurate and being a huge turn off to women who come to this platform looking for support/information on next steps.

Show quote history

If surrogacy doesn't remove babies from their mothers, who exactly is the baby being removed from, the postman?

VeronicaSawyer89 · 10/11/2023 20:47

Edbr1 · 10/11/2023 11:24

Only someone with zero understanding or knowledge on how surrogacy works in UK could compare it to buying and selling human beings.

Show quote history

Only someone who believes humans can be ordered like a McDonald's would claim surrogacy isn't the buying and selling of humans.

Soontobe60 · 10/11/2023 20:51

Emken1878 · 05/11/2023 12:28

I am a surrogate, my beautiful surrobabe has just turned a year old, he has brought so much joy to his daddy and papa and to his grandparents, aunties and uncles uncles. Me and my husband and children gain so much joy from watching him grow and being part of his life.
I am not his mother, I don’t feel like his mother, I grew him out of love using my eggs and he was delivered into his daddy’s arms.
I haven’t been paid to carry him and I certainly haven’t rented my womb, I am an educated woman who works full time as a nurse, being a surrogate was one of my life goals, being able to help create a family has made me super proud.
The current evidence suggests children born through surrogacy and who are told about their birthday story from the very beginning do not suffer trauma and grow up to be very well adjusted children and proud of where they came from
families come in all sorts of different ways in todays world, and they should all be celebrated.

Where is this evidence?

Tawlk · 10/11/2023 20:51

Just curious does everyone that’s so against surrogacy feel the exact same about sperm donors?

Spencer0220 · 10/11/2023 20:53

Edbr1 · 22/10/2023 11:34

Hi. Coming a bit late into this thread.

I might receive backlash but in all honesty I don't care (also... please note I will not reply to anyone who replies unkindly). We tried to have a baby for 8 years. Natural, IVF, all transfers failed, not a single positive. More than the physical side of it, it's soul destroying.

Surrogacy in the UK is altruistic as you probably know. People don't rent a womb, surrogates do it with the purpose of helping to build a family and are only paid pregnancy expenses, they are not better off because of entering a Surrogacy agreement.

After a long journey, we are now 16 weeks pregnant with our surrogate. However, we see her and her family as FRIENDS and from the beginning we were all aligned on expectations that this wasn't just going to be a transactional process (and it shouldn't in this country).

I cannot tell you how our kid will feel after it's born and once it understands it all. However, we do intend to be open and honest from the beginning with something along the lines of... mummy and daddy with all the ingredients for the cake and aunt xxx provided the oven. Obviously oversimplified but when they are 3-5 years old that's probably the best way to start.

There are MANY Surrogacy groups in FB (independent and from agencies) where you can receive advice on this type of question without backlash hun.

Wishing you the best,
😇

I wish you, your surrogate and your child all the very best. It's a hard journey.

But one filled with love.

Soontobe60 · 10/11/2023 20:55

Edbr1 · 06/11/2023 22:05

Whilst I appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, saying that surrogacy is "abhorrent" is quite disrespectful and it just once again shows how unkownledgeable you are on this topic.

Basically you're only replying for the sake of creating noise rather than actually being factual. In UK:

  • surrogacy doesn't remove babies from their mothers
  • surrogates aren't forced to be a surrogate

Whilst you might not wish to help someone else to have their own family, that is the dream for certain women and instead of admiring this selfless act you are presenting "facts" that are actually inaccurate and being a huge turn off to women who come to this platform looking for support/information on next steps.

Show quote history

Of course surrogacy removes babies from their mother. They don't grow in a Petri dish!

Soontobe60 · 10/11/2023 20:56

Tawlk · 10/11/2023 20:51

Just curious does everyone that’s so against surrogacy feel the exact same about sperm donors?

Sperm is not a foetus, neither is an ovum. The two combined are required to fertilise to produce a foetus, which grows within the mother’s uterus. Of course you already know this…

Soontobe60 · 10/11/2023 20:58

notahappybunny7 · 10/11/2023 20:34

If someone came on here and said “I’ve a 6 week old baby and want to go away for the weekend, leave baby with grandparents, they’d be told do it! Or a woman wanted to work 50 hours a week with a 10 week old but could afford a great nanny it’d be fine. Babies only need their mothers when it comes to surrogacy apparently.

Show quote history

Procuring a child for your own selfish reasons is not the same as going on holiday for a few days then coming home FFS.

Delphinium20 · 10/11/2023 21:00

Sperm donation doesn't put a man at any health risks, so the feminist arguments against surrogacy and egg buying don't apply. As for the child, I think there are issues when they don't know their origins. This is applicable for adopted children as well. Donor-conceived children have many opinions on this topic and I would direct anyone considering sperm donation to consider their voices. There have been cases of serial sperm donation where a single man ends up fathering hundreds of children. I think this issue can be regulated with better laws, of course. Ultimately, I believe children born of sperm donations need to be told the truth.