How to Talk to Husband hiding Codeine use?

[Shkbop91]

Shall try not to make this too long.
Have recently found out DH has been taking 30/500 cocodamols, I think in excess.
He accidently woke me up when he came to bed drunk (in Christmas week) and was rummaging around in his dresser for his "headphones". I heard him pop tablets.....so I perhaps wrongly snooped the next day and found the packet.
I noted how many were left and have just checked and he's taken 8 in 5 days. I don't even know when, as we work full time so he is hiding it fairly well apart from him being tired and snappy.
He will not have got these tablets through prescription. He does not have chronic pain. I don't know how long its been going on. I suspect he's taking them with alcohol, as when I found out he had taken them after 2+ bottles of wine.
He's had some mental health issues that he has refused to confront. I have had my own mental health issues which I spent a long time working on. Our life can be stressful but we don't have any major stressors like debt etc.
Can't really figure out why he's doing this. He does drink but I would say no more than anyone else. He doesn't do any other drugs ?that I know of? A very long time ago we both used to smoke weed. That's about it.

He's hiding them in his draw and disposing of the empty packets in the main bin I think.
I don't know what to say to him. I feel really angry and betrayed by it all because I feel like this is his crutch for his issues that he refuses to get help with. I don't know whether to confront him or give him ultimatums or what.
Does anyone have any advice? Or know if there are any charities that I can speak to?
I feel like if we do try to talk it may well turn into an argument without me thinking it through first. I would prefer to help and support him but I am still very angry. We have a toddler and I am 6 months pregnant with second child. I do/did enjoy our life but I am wavering on this one.
Any help/advice would be appreciated

Can you wait until it's just the 2 of you and say you're feeling a bit worried, is there something he's not telling you, how can you help. Did he have reason to start taking codeine in the first place or has it become a way to zone out a bit. If you can share that you are supporting him, want to go to couple counselling and use that as a springboard or way for him to then be able to admit his difficulty. It's ca tough one OP, I've found being very non judgemental and saying there are a few worries, rather than asking about addiction.

8 in 5 days isn’t even one dose per day - what’s making you think he’s hiding a raging addiction as opposed to e.g. has a headache??

Cocodamol unprescribed for a headache rings alarm bells.

@PTSDBarbiegirl - I think he's doing it to zone out/numb. No pain reason for it.
My problem with asking him if I can help him or if we can work something out together is that he hates it. He hates me asking what's wrong. He has said in the past, when mental health issues are quite obvious, that he doesn't want my help and he "doesn't work like me". That going to the GP and getting medication or seeing counsellors is not how he wants to do it and he will sort himself out. But this isn't sorting anything. I can try to ask him again, if something is wrong and whether he wants to tell me. I just feel that won't get anywhere.

Agree with PP, my ex had a codeine addiction and was taking more than 8 in 1 day. I wouldn't suspect he is abusing them given the small quantity he's taken over a 5 day period.

I take these on prescription for chronic pain and my max dose is 8 per day. I wouldn't say 8 in 5 days is excessive.

The full dose is 8 in 1 day so hes not overdosing but could have become addicted to taking them every day. My concern would also be that they are a prescription only medication so if you say he hasnt got them on prescription OP then hes found a dodgy way to buy them - which obviously rings alarm bells. I think you have to find a way to have an honest conversation with him.

Was there a prescription label on the box in the drawer?

It sounds far more likely that he has some pain that he’s not told you about than an addiction to illicitly procured co-codamol (that he’s not taking many of). I think it’s interesting why you’ve leapt to that conclusion, and don’t feel able to just ask him.

i think codeine/ paracetamol preparations come in three strengths. Either 8, 15 or 30 mg codeine with 500 mg paracetamol. Only the 8 mg combo is available over the counter, the others are prescription only. While I was waiting for a hip replacement I was taking 8 x 30mg codeine a day. Reduced dose to zero within a week of surgery so I don’t think he’s taking a significant dose. I would want to know why he is taking them and where he got them from. Prescribed? Bought off a friend?

Is he taking them to sleep perhaps?

Is it likely he has packets in his car/work van/desk/work bag as well as the bedside drawer?

Id be checking all the other places too as its possible he was hunting around as they were wearing off.

If this is the only packet you've seen why have you decided he's got a problem, 8 in 5 days isn't excessive at all and you can buy 16 over the counter.

8 in 5 days is nothing really. A prescription allows 8 a day. I'd be more concerned that he was in pain with something & not telling me. He may have got them on prescription and not told you.

I think first you need to speak to him first before you jump to conclusions.

I’ll take 2 most nights to sleep. It is probably an addiction, I’ll get insomnia and anxiety if I go more than 3 days without them. It’s not a raging addiction though, I’ll never take more than 1-2 in a 24 hour period

Every person in this thread has assumed that the bedside drawer is his only stash. Addicts are well known for having several sillies fitted around and often hide them in the random places "just in case".

I'd be quite worried too op, alcohol and codeine can cause breathing problems while you sleep.

Sounds like you've developed a dependency rather than an addiction.

You mentioned that he drinks but no more than anyone else, but then also that you had realised he took the tablets one evening when he had 2+ bottles of wine if I'm reading it right? That's quite a lot isn't it - I think most people I know would consider one bottle of wine a fair bit, not 2+. Just if he's taking tablets on top of all that it's maybe more worrying than in isolation?

@greasypolemonkeyman OP has only mentioned finding this one strip, nothing else to suggest a habit

You do get quite a "buzz" when you take them with alcohol - I was at event recently with severe back pain and had some prosecco on top. It did really improve my mood and felt very floaty. I could see how it'd be tempting to someone to mix them on an ongoing basis.

Keep monitoring, gather evidence, take pictures of the blister packs. See what you can find over the next month. I say this as the ex wife of an addict.
if your instincts are that they aren’t for genuine reasons you are probably right. Even if they are for genuine use, what’s the reflection on your relationship that he hasn’t told you?
Keep a daily diary on his moods and behaviour and impact on you and the family.
if after a month he’s still using / snappy / sedated / not checked into family life etc you can confront.
from experience I initially went down the softly softly I’m here to support you route. Wish I’d gone down the this is unacceptable, these are my expectations of family life route, would have saved myself years of heartache.
good luck

And to be honest, he might not even think he's going down the route of getting addicted because he doesn't take so many. Bit it just spirals so so easily.

I agree. 8 isn't a lot in five days.

8 in 5 days isn't excessive. However, 30/500mg can only be gotten from a GP, has he been prescribed them?, or anyone close to him?.

Taking 60mg of codeine is giving him a high.

Doing it 4 times in 5 days is a likely sign of addiction/dependency. Let alone the questions about where is he getting them from.

It's not OK, OP. And you're very right to be worried.

I agree