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Codeine addiction

511 replies

madein1995 · 06/04/2018 20:22

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

OP posts:
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Bexter801 · 26/04/2018 01:36

No need to be sorry....I firmly believe you can only do this at your own pace,otherwise it's not being true to yourself,which ultimately is the most important thing. It's not us you need to answer to Smile

SummerRayne17 · 26/04/2018 02:14

Place marking OP as I am in a similar situation to you. Will type a post to you later when i am able to x

madein1995 · 26/04/2018 03:23

Thanks bexter I know lost was just concerned but it did knock me for 6.

Hi summer hope everything's okay. Keep safe and chat soon

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 26/04/2018 11:28

I'm sure lost,intentions were all good....we all react differently to scenarios Smile

madein1995 · 26/04/2018 14:01

Hi everyone,

Feeling positive today. Been for a swim and dog walk, am very tired (not sure why) so going to have a nap now. I know lost means well and I completely understand as I'm taking a long time starting the reduction. I appreciate all the support everyones given me, including (perhaps especially?) the tough love as I need to be honest with myself and need to push myself

OP posts:
madein1995 · 26/04/2018 21:48

Hello

Relatively positive day today. Had a nice day out, took the dog for a walk and joined SW. I'm 15 stone 11lb which is shocking but will also spur me on. I've meal planned for the weekend - Porridge and fruit before gym in the morning, omelette for lunch, chicken veg and rice for tea. Also have a hair appt in the evening

My moods are up and down again and I'm feeling low again this evening. Doesn't help that I've got a headache, maybe I've been thinking of too many things/worrying about new job and that's caused it. Will have an early night I think tonight.

Despite the headache the joining SW has made me feel proactive and like I'm stepping in the right direction. I know I feel better in myself when I exercise and eat right so looking forward to that. Feeling that things are starting to come together, slowly

OP posts:
Abitlost2015 · 26/04/2018 22:52

I am glad to hear you have had a good day. Yes, my previous post was written because I was concerned. I still think RL support is the best way forward but understand that is easier said than done. I wish you all the best.

madein1995 · 26/04/2018 23:10

oh dear I feel awful. Terrible headache and nausea, nearly been sick twice grr. Feeling sorry for myself

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 27/04/2018 00:15

How you feeling now? Anything different today to make you feel this way

madein1995 · 27/04/2018 08:00

I'm feeling better now bexter I think it was not enough food or drink and too.many screens (laptop), after a sleep I feel normal

OP posts:
smurfy2015 · 27/04/2018 09:53

@madein1995 cat got antibiotic and painkiller injections and only tried to bite the vet twice, i have lexocam to get into her daily thankfully she likes the taste of it as i give it with her fave food which she doesnt get often so its a treat

I know the fun of a balance ball, i never felt confident to actually put my weight on the one i had as i got it as part of neck physio exercises to try and get my neck back in normal working order, it didnt help me overall as everytime i tried that exercise i had to have somebody around as i usually passed out in pain and our physio sessions consisted of him bringing me around and me passing out or throwing up and sometimes both lol

Im replying to Tuesdays post at this point but nothing wrong with strawberries and nutella its fruit and nuts so 2 food groups as far as im concerned

Just a thought but maybe tackling too many things at once as it can be harder to maintain what you see as instant successes in some areas while other areas are making it harder for you. So diet, exercise, new job, reduction all at same time but im not discouraging you,

On Wednesday evening you said "Funnily enough I've not really thought about the drugs side of things today" as mentioned above I had said we encouraged graduates and those going thru "life college" to keep as busy as possible. It does help.

However see note added re starting new job further down.

Oh nice new glasses, thats on my list to do soon as well soon. Ive been wearing glasses since i was 6, im 43 this year so a long time (37 years)

I also see you have a hair appointment made as well, are you currently (long, short, colour, curls - just nosy) and intending changing or just tidying? Mine needs cut and chopped but CBA at the minute and its salt and pepper grey at the minute

Its a massive step in itself to first admit to yourself that you have a problem, then to come and admit to us here and seek support, to join the support group so you can get the help you need with peer to peer support which is the suggested online group, @fruitcider kindly suggested.

As im thinking you are living with your mum i know from above you cant confide in her and thats a pity, but you have people who you can. We dont know you personally but will not throw anything up at you as you are trying your best with what you have and thats all anyone can do or ask. You know your mum and how similar smaller things have been handled or mishandled so best avoided if only going to cause you more distress and would end up pushing you down the slope.

Well done on realising what needs to change before you can be considered for your dream career. Its not easy realising about drug use esp when they make you feel nice and losing weight (6st - weight watchers / exercise) and you will be passing bleep tests in no time,

@madein1995 re your post of Wednesday night around 11pm, you arent posting the same thing over and over again, you are reinforcing solidly in your mind what you need to do and acknowledging this is going to be really hard.

You dont have to try or "do enough" for anyones sake, the only person you want to try and do your best for is yourself. Your best is all you can ask from yourself.

Monday im guessing new job starts so I wish you all the luck in the world with that,

I know you will probably be expected to take in a lot of information in the first couple of days inc possibly a few mandatory courses, do you think if you were in the starts of withdrawal from your own experience

  1. this will affect your concentration
  2. lead to physical symptoms which may bring you to attention if you cant pass off easily as simple sickness and you probably dont want to be off sick/ ill at work in first week of new job

So maybe consider starting the reduction later in the week so that the roughest days are over the weekend just a thought but im not a medic so you can make your own mind up on that

@SummerRayne17 Hello and nice to meet you

@madein1995 re being tired yesterday afternoon as various people inc myself all put heads down and had a nap so sleep is good for the body

Glad to hear you made it to weight watchers and its small steps bit by bit

Re headache and sickness last night, that could be coming from a withdrawal but not going to recommend you take a couple of paracetamol on account of possible impact on your liver

What i would suggest instead is trying to keep hydrated, squash / plain water - squash does make it easier to drink in my opinion - microwave heat pack, cold pack, with the nausea i would have a slice of toast because if you are going to vom you now have something to do it with and arent dry heaving, for nausea i also recommend ginger ale if you can sip at it when its gone flat, and/or travel bands

Headache - put cold pack to back of neck, heat pack to feet to pull blood away, slice of toast in case of vom, open small can of ginger ale, then have something else on standby to take vom taste out of your mouth if you have been sick and the heat pack up to your tummy to cuddle as you will be feeling sensitive and vulnerable.

(if dont like ginger ale, ginger tea, ginger nut biscuit, nibbling a piece of raw ginger... you get the common factor here - or a dry cream cracker i think helps as well)

I also like accupressure bands which i got from boots at one point, If you are having a rough evening / night / morning at home and start being sick, www.boots.com/sea-band-10202648

Here is a tip i have learned from dealing with chronic illness which has left me mostly bedbound and 95% housebound if you feel there is going to be vomiting apart from usual advice, take an old towel, plenty of tissues, water etc. I use an old saucepan, this is its only purpose, i have covered it in tape so that no one puts in into kitchen circulation by accident as its regularly used by me for that purpose (most recent being Weds evening) its small, light and handle is easy to hold. Yet its big enough to hold plenty,

Thats the reasoning you may notice I dip up and down in this thread @madein1995 its not cos i dont care, i do - after being at vet with cat on Tuesday brought my downfall and ive been fully bedbound since (this is actually normal for me)

Good to hear you are feeling better after a sleep, still waving those pom poms for you altho at this minute its done in my head

Codeine addiction
smurfy2015 · 27/04/2018 09:54

Also Im sure you will agree this is how things go ....

Codeine addiction
madein1995 · 27/04/2018 15:25

Hi smurfy and thanks for your post. You're always so lovely and helpful Smile Aww bless your poor cat, plenty of hugs to you both! Good that she likes the taste, makes things easier. Hope you're feeling better Flowers

I'm back on the being healthy wagon now. Is a bit tough and I'm at danger of turning into a pineapple, but I'm determined to do it. I get what you mean re tackling lots of things at the same time. I am going to try but it will be difficult I know. Keeping busy really does help.

My new glasses are Cath Kitson ones, red, and I've got a free pair of sunglasses too (also Cath Kitson). My hair is longish and it's a kind of brown colour, I've not dyed it in ages. Its natural state is like Hagrid out of Harry Potter but I blowdry and straighten it within an inch of its life so it's usually straight. I've been meaning to go for ages but due to shift work was awkward, hopefully I'll be able to find the time more now.

Thanks smurfy, just being honest with myself and confronting my feelings, especially when I'm low, is difficult. I said before that taking the codeine makes me happy and less depressed, but I don't think it's working as well as I'm feeling down again today.

Thanks smurfy yep it's Monday the job starts so I think some of my low mood might be anxiety related to that. Training does sound quite heavy as there's three days of induction and that's before I even get into the job specific stuff. If I were into full blown withdrawal I would definitely find it tough. I'd manage to go to work but I wouldn't be at my best or make the best impression. I'm hoping the reduction won't be anything as bad as normal withdrawals but I've never done it before so can't be sure.

I want to start on Sunday night ideally as I always had the idea in my mind of using Monday as a fresh start, but practically I want to make the best impression in work so maybe starting Thursday evening instead would be a better idea.

I'm getting the hang of healthy eating again. The fridge is stocked up, and I've meal planned. It's helping writing everything down. I'm hungry but not hungry enough to have some fruit or carrot sticks, so I'm not really hungry just hungry for crap Grin. I was a bit shocked last night as the consultant said exercise is no good for weight loss so no need to do it, and that one of the members maybe put on because she'd exercised last week Shock. Told my trainer over the gym - needing reassurance - and he was shocked, told me that exercise is definitely good etc. Need to keep an open mind/take things with a pinch of salt at classes I think!

Thank you for the tips re feeling unwell, I'm better now but no doubt they'll be helpful in future! I'm sorry you're not feeling too well smurfy. I know you care, of course I do - when you're unwell please don't worry about me, just concentrate on looking after yourself Smile

Thank you for being so nice Smile and I hope you feel better soon Flowers

OP posts:
smurfy2015 · 27/04/2018 16:10

Snap with you on glasses, my last pair of glasses which are the ones due to be changed are red framed on both pairs however not designer as i went to tesco opticians about 2 years ago,

so i am way overdue eye test as im supposed to check up yearly and when the optical technical heard my lense prescription before i even started to look at glasses on the stands, he stopped me and walked over to one pair and picked them off saying THIS is the only frame in the shop we can possibly get your lense in without making it look massive from the sides.

Everything else you are looking at sending hundreds thinning, adding coatings for what you need and you do need a second pair (i really do) so we totalled up a random pair (non designener even with NHS etc. i liked with all it would possibly need with a 2nd pair the same V the red ones he picked for me as frame suitable and could take the lense, so not needing thinning as lense not visible at the sides, 1 was normal glass the other is sunglasses and with the 2nd pair and the NHS voucher etc.

The first set was coming in approx £370 for 2 pairs, and the second set the red ones came in at a much more modest cost of £72 (that was for both pairs), guess which i went for, although i told you above I also qualify for other discounts due to eye conditions which means im supposed to have an annual test.

I had to look up Hagrid, i know that look too well, most days my head is too sore scalpwise to actually brush hair so planning on trying to wash and deep condition it next week and trim the ends, i rock the bedhead look, when my hair gets matted where i lie on it i cut the clump and bin it lol. I have scalp sores at the minute that im applying stuff to.

I have a family occassion mid May which i am really hoping to make it to, so I plan on trying to put in a semi permanent colour that i got from the poundshop - not 100% sure which colour until i work out what im wearing but will be either green, violet or silver if i use silver i will enhance with silver shampoo

I know the feeling of wanting a fresh start and Monday seems like a good idea, however as you agree it will be a few heavy days for induction and ice breakers, before getting into the specifics of job to start with which all takes brain and energy and your body fighting with withdrawals will not help you.

Im a chronically ill - spoonie - its been long term, 6 major conditions (4 neurological ones have done most damage) so i pop up and down but i am happy to walk along side you and hold your hand if i can and if you'd like me to, no offence if you dont - a couple of hours up can lead to several days flat out in bed so i spend time around MN and other online places

You are nice to people too, you are also trying to deal with your own demons and are thanking people for input, some people dont do that, it costs nothing to be nice to others, thats the way i was brought up

madein1995 · 27/04/2018 19:50

Glasses are so expensive! I didn't particularly want to go designer but am lucky in my lenses don't affect what glasses I could have, and I fancied them. Dad and me went half on them as I've got a while to go without wages, £230 in all Shock That was because I needed special lenses on the sunglasses.

I love red! I'm a fan of bright and pretty looking things - discounted quite a few because the frames weren't quite 'me'

You'll feel so good when you get your hair done, or at least I do Smile. I feel v.relaxed sitting in the chair having my hair done with a cuppa in hand. Some people get really impatient and fed up getting it done but I love being pampered Grin. A colour sounds lovely for you - if you wear green or violet what kind of colour would you go for? Maybe a chesnut or dark brown?

The more I think about the more I think you're right. It will be a hard few days and I'll need to be at my best iyswim, so leaving it til the end of the week sounds like a plan.

Thank you for the offer, I appreciate it and yes please Smile. I love coming on here and seeing a post off someone, and everyone has been supportive. I think without the thread, the support and straight talking I'd have given up on the same day I started.

Aww thank you Smile I do try to be nice. I've got low confidence and I know I've got a few issues, so I'm grateful to everyone who tries to lend a helping hand. Everyone's advice has been great.

OP posts:
madein1995 · 28/04/2018 19:52

Hi All,

Ooh I'm getting the nerves re the new job now. Before my last job, I had two jobs I hated and didn't settle in and a period of unemployment. Now I'm worrying. I know people say stick it out for 6 months as things usually improve with time but I'm worried either I'll hate it, or make loads of mistakes and be no good, or they'll hate me.

It's just come round too soon, this week has flown by and I don't feel ready at all. I've got my outfit planned - dress, tights, black ankle boots and a black blazer. It's business dress/smart casual and I think I'd rather err on the side of caution, go looking smart and I can always tone it down if needed.

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 29/04/2018 01:05

Hey,that sounds like a perfect outfit,try not stress...go,do the best you can. If you like it,bonusSmile if you don't,move to plan b!

madein1995 · 29/04/2018 22:15

Hi everyone

Another day over. Feeling very nervous about tomorrow now. My lunch is all packed up and in the fridge waiting to go, my clothes are ready, my bag is ready, my hair is straightened. I just so badly want to do well. I'll be relieved when tomorrow is over I think

OP posts:
ignatiusjreilly · 30/04/2018 07:08

Good luck in your new job, OP! Hope today goes brilliantly. We're all rooting for you. This is the first day of your new life.

Is it today you're starting to cut down the tablets too? Would it help to share your plan with us? It might help you stick to it if you feel more accountable. There are so many highs and lows in the first few weeks of starting a new job, but don't let that distract you from reducing your intake as quickly as possible.

smurfy2015 · 30/04/2018 08:07

Best wishes @madein1995 for the new job today

l catch up on other posts since my last one on your thread in a while but wanted to wish you well first and foremost

smurfy2015 · 30/04/2018 08:35

Something quick to look at if you need it

Codeine addiction
smurfy2015 · 30/04/2018 08:41

Also

Codeine addiction
smurfy2015 · 30/04/2018 08:48

Finally there will be steps forward and steps back again

Codeine addiction
Codeine addiction
ignatiusjreilly · 30/04/2018 17:24

How was your first day? Hope it all went well. I bet you'll be exhausted tonight!

madein1995 · 30/04/2018 22:58

Hello

Thanks for all the kind wishes guys, it went really well. It seems lovely at the moment - the job also involves processing claims not just answering calls so ill enjoy that. The terms and working hours seem too good to be true! I'm tired though - planned on having a lie down before a shower (at 7pm) and just woke up! I think im going to start tapering on Thursday so will need more hand holding when that comes! Sorry for the short kessage, I'll catch up tidy tomorrow

OP posts:
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