Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

smurfy I'm glad you're feeling better. Yes she is building tablets up and won't listen to reason that if she's been given them then the Dr must think she needs them.

The new job is working for the civil service in a call centre, and I'm looking forward to the challenge

Whey hey @madein1995 is so good to hear you sounding so positive and @smurfy2015,good to hear your feeling better,we'd miss your cheerleading skills

Well I'm back off holiday now. It's nice to be back in a way, to my own bed etc. I'm very tired despite having had a nap during the day, which is unlike me so going to go to bed in a sec. Nothing better than your own bed freshly made with clean sheets

Up early and had a lovely sleep. Fell asleep at 9, brief wake up at 2 and back down means 9 and half hours! Longest I've had in a long time, normally I get 7-8 hrs if I'm lucky. Being lazy and going back off for an hour. Up at 11, have a light sandwich or something then I need to start getting ready. I have my leaving do tonight and Need to wash/dry/straighten my hair which will take hours . Tomorrow is a day filled with opticians/food shopping/dog walking and swimming, plus trying on clothes for next week. My wrap around dress for work is too low cut so mam is going to sew it for me, need to catch her in a good mood though

Good luck with civil service, Glad you slept well. I am having mega weird dreams at the moment but im waiting on sleep apoenea testing again so i would say its down to that as there is a high chance i have it,

You mention the wrap around dress being too low cut, i had a google and came up with this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1417069-What-do-you-do-about-wrap-dresses-which-are-too-low-cut?messages=100&pg=1

which led me to www.amazon.co.uk/Metyou-Camisole-Insert-Overlay-Modesty/dp/B0721BN6QR/ref=pd_sbs_201_8?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_wg=r1AHU&pd_rd_i=B0721BN6QR&pd_rd_w=mjlzm&tag=mumsnetforum-21&refRID=F7371X1G70XRQ8WDB83R&pd_rd_r=F7371X1G70XRQ8WDB83R

www.amazon.co.uk/Metyou-Sleeveless-Camisoles-Bralette-T-Shirt/dp/B072L32C7H/ref=pd_sbs_201_5?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_wg=r1AHU&pd_rd_i=B072L32C7H&pd_rd_w=mjlzm&tag=mumsnetforum-21&refRID=F7371X1G70XRQ8WDB83R&pd_rd_r=F7371X1G70XRQ8WDB83R

So your other options are

Lacy top of a full length slip - this will also give a smooth look to dress esp if jersey or similar

Tit tape - to hold things in place / nipple covers in case any clothes show too much esp in winter when cold lol, i recommend silicone ones, they are reusable

Camisole / Vest top underneath - but creates another layer of clothes which as weather gets warmer may be tricky - can get ones with lace so looks fancy

Sounds like you are doing well so far today, :) enjoy your leaving do, always great fun, busy day planned for tomorrow thats part of what we used to encourage our graduates of "life college" to keep as busy as possible -

You are doing great, remember at points on your journey there may be one step forward and 2 steps back, thats ok as long as you keep moving forward in some way thats progress, holding your hand from afar

I use those from amazon, modesty panels. They're great because you're not adding an extra layer of clothing underneath. I keep spares for work, if some else didn't look in the mirror and has too much boob on show.

@madein1995

How was the leaving do last night? Hopefully, it was a good night

Hope you have a lovely day today and get all you need to do done.

opticians

dog walk - what breed of dog do you have? I won't ask you for a piccy as I'm afraid of outing you, no offence

swimming - can you do lengths/ width or I just like floating around and letting the water take my weight

Grocery shopping - in combination with meal plan :) remember to allow yourself treats too in the shop, get a pack of something for "emergency use" because there will be points where codeine is calling you and you are trying to ignore it which will be hard so some treats will help soften it

smurfy I love those quotes, so positive 😊 my leaving do was lovely thanks. Only 8 out of 20 turned up but we had a great time and in a way it being less people was more intimate.

The dog is a Scottish terrier, a little madam bless her. I'm starting walking again cos I'll have more time with the new job, and no one else takes her and she needs to be healthy, she loves a walk. She had a bit of a fight on holiday - dog went for her - and she had a bit of a nip in her ear but she's fine now. We didn't notice the nip til hours later when I went to stroke her - she was running, playing and all sorts!

With swimming I can do lengths but no more than 10 at a time, I might pay for the health suitr too and go for a Jacuzzi. My swimming costume is a special one that holds you in so god help me getting it on!

That's a good idea re the treats, I might pick up a pack of something

Shopping done and put away! Have decided not to go for the swim (lazy emoticon) but have taken the dog for a walk. 2.5miles, my feet are a bit sore and now both me and dog are on the sofa watching tv (well, I am - she's attempting to chew my dressing gown tie)

Meals are so far so good - Porridge for breakfast, Feta and Chicken salad for lunch, planning on having meditteranean pasta bake and salad for tea.

I'm keeping a track of what I'm taking and it's quite shocking seeing it written down. I'll start cutting down next week, by half a tablet each time.

Hi made, glad to see you are doing well! Have you thought about going to a SMART recovery or NA meeting? X

fruit I don't think I'm ready to go to NA yet. Logistically it'd be awkward as the nearest one is 20miles away and I don't drive. Also, although I know I'm addicted and want to change I just don't feel ready to go to a group yet. I know I'll need some support so am going to look into attending counselling. I'll settle into my new job first and then look into it

Ohhh your meals sound yummy Well done on the walk,I would have been found on a pavement lying flat,half way through 2.5 miles! Your doing great....no rush,no time limit,just when your ready,tap away at cutting down....you'll feel great mentally when you do,all proud of yourself(which you deserve)

OP there's nothing wrong with acknowledge a service is not for you.

There is an online alternative that you may find useful, here's the link support.therapytribe.com/addiction-support-group/

The reason I'm suggesting it is because I'm a big believer in peer support, I can talk detox all day but I've never had my own recovery journey and I think the message is far more powerful and brings more hope from those who are in active recovery x

bexter thanks I didn't walk very quick though, it took us over an hour due to Lils (dog) stopping for a sniff every 2 minutes Was a lovely day though

fruit thanks for the link, I've had a look and made an account on there. It looks good and supportive so I'll give it a go

Great to hear you had a lovely day,here's to many more

Still keeping a supportive pom pom waving eye on you @madein1995

as i hope you get as much done this week as you can as next week will be busy busy and settling to a new workplace, induction etc

Meantime with me, friend is driving me and my cat to v-e-t for her 3pm appt, the boys have been too friendly and have hurt her back and neck when jumping herm thankfully she is neutered

smurfy aww your poor cat, how is she now? Bless her.

Bit of a mixed bag here today. I didn't take dog for a walk as it was raining, but did a gym session instead. They've got a balance ball over there now so had a great time falling off it Got opticians sorted, eyes have deteriorated a bit but ordered some lovely new glasses. Found out that I'm finishing at half 4 on my first day of work which is lovely!

I've been feeling a bit down today, though I'm not sure why. Maybe the weather has something to do with it, plus the fact I'm off holiday and it's back to real life. Healthy eating went well until this evening when I had some strawberries and nutella . I'm not joining SW until Thursday though so doesn't matter in the scheme of things, although I do have over 6 stone to lose

Baby steps,6 stone will take time,as will off the tablets,go easy on yourself,your trying and doing it at your pace....which is the main thing. And Thursday is almost here

"I've been feeling a bit down today, though I'm not sure why."

I'd be amazed if you werent! You've had the high of "yeah, I'm totally going to get this all sorted, lets go!!!!" and now thats worn off and you feel low. I know it well, I get it a few days after every time I decide to finally properly diet, its the first big relapse challenge. Stay strong, stay busy! :)

Feeling a bit more positive today, kept busy again so that's good. Went to the gym first thing. My normal trainer has a week off so had the other one. God he's hard! My legs, arms, shoulders etc ache and it hurts to sit down He says I'm finding it too easy with trainer 1 and he'll talk to her re making things more difficult . Great fun though!

Went out for lunch with a friend today - threw diet completely in the bin, and will start it proper when I rejoin SW tomorrow evening. Am going for a carvery tomorrow lunch time with parents, and to do a bit of shopping.

Funnily enough I've not really thought about the drugs side of things today. I'm not exactly looking forward to begining tapering down, though

OP, can I be honest and say it doesn’t sound like you are ready to give up your addiction? You sound like someone who would like to be slimmer but doesn’t want to exercise or go on a diet. I am worried about you. There is too much talk of “doing well” and “managing” whilst you are on a high dose of drugs that could kill you TODAY. I thinkyou need to get over the embarrassment and tell someone because you also won’t be a police officer in your current circumstances. I don’t mean to be harsh, this thread has really worried me because it’s not helping you.

Hi lost thank you for your kind wishes. Please don't be worried about me. I absolutely am ready to give up my addiction. It is unhealthy, and it can't carry on. At the same time going cold turkey won't work for me - I've done it before and it's never stuck. People with experience in the field have said that tapering off slowly is a better way, and I'm going to stick to it. I am starting it next week, and am bricking it yes. But I'll do it.

Fair point with the slimmer comment as I am obese. I am trying to change, and in fact have been exercising regularly for over a year, and despite my size am relatively fit. As I've mentioned earlier in the thread, I'm joining SW tomorrow evening.

At the moment I don't want to run before I can walk. I have done well in recognising I have a problem as some people never do that. I'm confronting my thoughts and fears, and preparing to taper down even though being drug free seems impossible. I'm keeping myself busy and occupied.

I'm not comfortable telling anyone in RL. I'm not going to tell my parents as it would cause more harm than good. I don't feel comfortable going to NA, but appreciate I need support so am on the addiction forum someone mentioned yesterday. I won't go to my GP, but am going to start counselling. I cannot and will not go cold turkey because I am starting a new job soon - CT will impact my mental health and I won't be in a good place starting the job.

I'm aware I'd never get into the police now. I know I need to change a lot for that, including my drug use and my weight. I am taking positive steps to do that. This thread has helped me a lot over the past few weeks - I am extremely grateful for the support everyone has given me

Glad to hear the gym is going well!
Sounds like Trainer 2 is who you need to channel in all things - keep pushing yourself towards your goal with tough love! You know now you can do more than you think even if it means you cant sit down!

storm definitely, I learnt today my body can do things I never thought it could and if I try I can do things. You're right, I need to channel Trainer 2!

I know it's daft posting the same thing over and over again, but I want to get through this, I really do. It might not seem like it at times, maybe because I'm being more positive and keeping busy, but I feel like a big weight has been lifted. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm not trying enough or doing enough, because I'm trying my best.