Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

I was planning to avoid watching Gordon, might put unwanted ideas in my head. It doesn't take much ...

It seems he's very much against, what with his heroin addicted brother and his customers leaving the restaurant loos in a mess

I've never left a toilet in a mess, I hoover every last bit up!

Plus I always have my cif with me!

Thanks for all your replies. Now I feel soooo bad because I’ve given in. Feel like I’ve let everyone down! Not that anyone really cares ha... but new plan. I have 5 smiley faces on my calendar... so after today I will aim for 6 then 7 etc until I’ve got past a week. I can’t explain how strong the urge was once I’d dropped kids off. Had couple glasses of wine and that’s it I can’t fight it anymore. My chest was pounding so much like I’d already had some! Just felt like couldn’t Relax until had it. Nothing would have stopped me. But obviously I’m not physically addicted or wouldn’t be able to go 5 days. So not sure what happens once it gets to a week or just before... I need to have a plan in place before I get the urges. Because once they are there i feel like wild horses couldn’t stop me which is really sad. I had to meet him tonight unfortunately for he last lot of stuff. Usually bank
Transfer but tonight he said he needed the cash. Ibe been bad. Feel good now but hope I don’t regret it too much tomorrow. And obviously owE more money now too oops :-(

Lol serial... I think I will go and watch Gordon on catch up!

Never mind ping. 5 days was a great start. Get back on it tomorrow.

Lol serial... I think I will go and watch Gordon on catch up!

I will do... I am so weak. Keep thinking I’m waiting for the right time ha. I’ve got a good book... (well the first few pages have been good called recover) there is a chapter to jump to for when you are feeling the urges but I’ve been to lazy to look yet. I’ve felt so awful the past 5 days too.,. Like why doesn’t that feeling stick in your mind? Felt normal today and then straight back on it back to feeling shit tomorrow. Well done everyone who’s still surfing. I am in awe of you guys... I’ll have to find the strength soon or I’ll be bankrupt and possibly dead :-( x

Recover! Stop thinking like an addict by Stanton peele if anyone is interested. Contradicts the 12 step programme with a different approach. Worth a read I think

You know what Serial I was thinking exactly the same . I never waste any and always hoover the lot. I maybe the tidiest coke user in the world. At home I even check the floor for any little specks when it's all gone, I'm that meticulous.

Thanks for book rec. Ping. It's the psychological addiction with cocaine- that's the bastard to overcome. I always underestimated drugs that weren't physically addictive; how wrong I was!

Keep dusting yourself off and getting back on your board. It's bloody difficult to surf and needs lots of practice!
P.s I've realised over the years that dealers love to have you on the back foot with payments- it guarantees you'll return to them and they can chase you up. Try to avoid if poss x

Yes I guess so... I have asked him to block my number a million times and not sell to me but guess he doesn’t really care as long as he’s getting paid. And he knows he can trust me. I always buy on the weekend and then pay end of week when my pay goes in. He doesn’t let me tick up more than a G which is good but soooo depressing when have to fork out that money! At moment I owe him £60. I need new blinds in my living room and a microwave. That would probably buy them :-( such an idiot!

I just keep thinking once I’ve read the book I’ll be cured ha... guess you’ve got to want it first and I’m just not that bothered about changing... although I really want to- if that’s makes sense! Like wish I could see sense and see what it’s doing to my body and my bank... once and for all! Maybe I need to emigrate... get away from UK altogether and everything I associate with drugs :-(

Evening all. I still don’t have any so still clean. Ping must be hard when your dealers on your doorstep. If you can fight the urge just once it’s a huge step. Just once.

And yeah, if my DP cane home with some I’d be in like Flynn. But he never will!

Drinking wine and getting into the half term vibe here.

Evening Ponz I'm liking your chilled half term vibe. Hope your dd has settled into her new school now?

Just a few drinks here. It occurred to me this morning that after a couple of weeks off it, I feel so much better day to day. Even waking up before my alarm goes off and just feeling more on the ball.
I thought I was "getting away" with my occasional binges but I was fooling myself. It takes me a long time to recover these days.

I agree, fighting the cravings and proving you can do that will give you a huge boost Ping. Hope you're not dwelling too much and beating yourself up. You've managed to cut down, you're doing ok!

A Friday for all fellow (albeit quiet) surfers

Hi ladies, can I join you, it’s a strange request as I have problems with binge/purge not drugs but my urges and desire to abstain or indulge are similar, no worries if this is not appropriate. Xxx

I’ve been following and admire the support you give each other, I’ve not seen anything similar for problems with eating. Xx

A here but that's all. Feeling skilled at ignoring the great big white elephant; it's there but weirdly I'm less interested

I do also drink more than I probably should!!!!! 😩

Hi Rholst
You are welcome but there is also a thread that might be more suited to your situation
Binge Eating Disorder Support 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/2652882-Binge-Eating-Disorder-Support-4
Do feel free to post here though!

Hi RHOL you can surf with us
Maybe we can help each other, I'm no stranger to a (drugs) binge! I'm sure the compulsion and guilt/shame after is very similar. It's refreshing to meet someone who isn't shocked and horrified by our addictions actually.

Good darts Dusty I like your analogy. Acknowledge the big white elephant but don't invite him for dinner, he's a wanker

Morning all. I slept like a baby last night and have just finished cleaning my bathroom 💪

Pingu I totally hear you re blinds and microwave. Amazon is my friend right now. My cravings have been manageable overall but when I feel an urge to splash overboard I find 80 quids worth of stuff and put it in my basket. When it comes to actually buying it all I'm like wtf and have a word with myself saying that if i can't justify buying stuff I sort of actually need then how can i justify spending 80 on a wrap of toxic trap that harms my body? I mean it's a bit of a mixture in there... i.e. lovely reed diffusers and a box of printer ink have been amongst this week's additions.

The other day I saw a pilot simulator experience for ds on Groupon. 40 quid. 40. The joy on his face vs half a g. I know which one I need to choose. Being tough on myself is working so far but it's early days plus I splashed thanks to dh on Thursday

Morning all.
Glad you slept like a baby Cleaning (crying and throwing up on yourself? he he) and have had the Cif out this morning!
You're right, it's time to get real with ourselves about the cost of our habits, in monetary and health terms. I'd love a posh reed diffuser.. might ear mark that for my month clean reward.

Tried to watch the rest of Gordon on Cocaine last night but found it a bit triggering. When Gordon asked the drug squad to open up a 1kg parcel they'd seized and it all crumbled apart- coke everywhere all over the table, the floor and their hands, I nearly fainted with longing.

Hope everyone has woken up with a normal head today x

It's really annoying that the Gordon programme is on the Sky homescreen ffs. No way am I watching that. The description of the crumbling alone is giving me a slight issue Lost!!

Also I noticed that my phone changed crap to trap in my last post but I guess both words are true about the white stuff

Afternoon, another night on the surfboard here. Imagine a kilo of coke though Oh my god!!