Just Surf, feat Lost and The Small Mercies

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Hello and welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some silly chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.

Come and join and we'll all help each other surf the urges!

Lost, I can't be trusted to borrow an oven dish remember?!

Ah how could I forget your massive Achilles Heel Serial? The oven dish
Avoid all baking paraphernalia on Friday can be your mantra. (the least catchy mantra ever).

Thank you for being so welcoming, we all have issues with something and I’d never judge someone for their vice! I daren’t look back in the post in case I had annoyed anyone with my request to join you!! Bad week for me, 40 on Saturday and mid life crisis so indulging my vice😩. Must try harder!!!!!

All are welcome rholst I love this thread and these ladies I was on another sobriety one once that felt a bit cliquey with a dominating presence and you don’t get that here. Turning 40 isn’t s bad I’m looking at the big 5 0 in 2 years and it’s actually motivating me to clean up and get healthy

Keep strong Rholst. 40's aren't all bad. I found I worried less about what people thought of me and had more confidence in myself once I hit 40.
I understand how a birthday can be triggering though. Don't be too hard on yourself and Happy Birthday for Saturday!

Glad you're still feeling motivated Ponz . I'm feeling quite optimistic here.
Have a good Thursday all

I was on another sobriety one once that felt a bit cliquey with a dominating presence and you don’t get that here.

Exactly. Anyone who tried that would get slapped down with a snorkel around here... or a granite surfboard if they were really not listening. You know... Just saying...

Happy birthday for Saturday! Had a few fags last night, god they were nice! Am back on the fag board today.

Thank you, had a really shit couple of years relationship wise, basically been treated like dirt (probably could have been described as abuse on a couple of occasions) (he’s been diagnosed with depression, is medicated and seeing someone, we’ve been together 11 years and have 2 kids). I’ve done something really stupid and kissed someone on a night out (never done anything like that before). It has started to feel a little cathartic though, like I’ve got my own back for him being a bastard to me???? So fuck-up!!!! All this stuff triggering 😩 food/booze issues!!!!! I’d like to hear what you think from an impartial perspective!!!!

Oh gosh Rhol I'm not very good at relationship advice but it must be very hard to live with someone with depression. I hope things improve with your dh on medication and counselling and his poor treatment of you was down to his mental illness? Your self esteem must be on the floor which doesn't help with your own problems
Be kind to yourself and feel free to vent on here.

Hey Rohl, you're very welcome here. Sounds like you've had a tough time so I wouldn't beat yourself up over a minor indiscretion. Sometimes it helps to boost your self esteem. Hopefully things will get better now your dp is getting help.

In other news I am slightly overboard after an afternoon on the pub. Meant to be seeing Mr Rehab on Sat but got over excited and started early. It would be 5 weeks surfing on Sat, not that I have anything to be proud of after my head butting the pavement incident. Feel free to slap me with a granite surfboard or a inflatable flamingo in the morning. Currently watching Gordon... ahem

Easily done Hooch after a pubby afternoon. 5 weeks surfing is amazing. That's not cancelled out by this blip.

Take care, it might affect you more after a month off it. I'm sorry I can't blow up a flamingo as I'm fainting with envy

See you all in Friday's dangerous waters. Eek, feeling wobbly already.

5 weeks is amazing, my target is 1 day which is hopefully tomorrow (different vices I know but the strength required is the same), stay strong, tomorrow is another day. Xxx

5 weeks is awesome... I’m so jealous. I’ve royally fucked up! Changed plans to go away so going tomorrow now... my ds has gone to his dads for a couple nights instead. My friend sorted me out with a g last night and obviously we sampled a bit... well ended up having half. I don’t think my body can Take it anymore. Been lying awake with chest pains all night and they are still coming and going. Can’t tell anyone so pretty anxious right now! Supposed to be having friends round tonight... I’ve still got some left. Hoping my friend will buy it and the chest pains will be enough to put me off. On the plus side I feel so awful it’s spurring me on to really want to change. I’ve messed up my sober October so I’m going to Try do whole of November... then just drink sensibly over xmas (she says) so annoyed with myself!!! I never learn!! I hope my post will help keep some of you on your surfboards tonight. You’re all doing fab. I’m not making much progress at all :-(

And my nose is bleeding :-( pretty sure things aren’t the same up there. Scary stuff!

Oh ping that's such a horrible way to feel.

Ping * for you this morning. Sending a hug.*

Would it help to try a one day at a time approach? So just for today you aren’t going to use.* You can deal with tomorrow when it comes.*

Your immediate problem is that you have some left......

Sorry meant to turn the bold off

Yes i think one day at a time is a good approach. Has anyone else suffered with chest pains and a bleeding nose? I don’t know if I could get through tonight without any... I’m so tired! But can’t be ill tomorrow as going away. How long have you all been using if you don’t mind me asking? I’m 30 and started when I was 17. Have had breaks of well over a year (when been pregnant and breastfeeding) but always end up back on it. And now it’s escalating and I feel like my brain is turning To mush! I don’t know how people wake up and do it all through day... I’d have a massive panic attack if I did some now...

Do you think I could die? I want to get my heart checked out but not sure whether that’s possible to do :-(

I don't think you're going to die. I think you're feeling very very anxious. Drink some water and try and distract yourself. I've been using on and off for over 20 years. Didn't use for AGES but got back into it about 3 years ago.

By the way, I've had the bleeding nose thing too, horrible. It will stop eventually.

Obviously if you are feeling rotten/panicky etc there is no harm in getting yourself checked out.

Can you try and have a doze? Tv on , blanket on sofa , lots of water / tea?

You’re not going to die. But as serial says you could ring 111 or go to GP if you are properly worried. Or ring your local drug service for advice?

I was a caner and a raver on the 90s but more e than coke. Only got into coke properly 5 years ago and utterly regret it. I’ve been clean for 6 weeks and my mood is 100% improved.

You are making progress ping because you are still here posting and expressing your concerns about your use. That means you are ready for change or at least considering it. Next step is putting it into action. You are clearly worried about your health and your bank balance. Both those factors are good motivators.

Hug for Ping. Hope you're feeling a bit better now. The most dangerous time for your heart is when you're high as a kite on it, not afterwards. The horrible panicky feelings are just what replaces your high as it leaves your system. The anxiety, paranoia and tight chest are just a symptom of that. You're going to be ok

Try not to overanalyse how you feel. That feeling of dread that something awful is going to happen will pass. Distraction is best, fluids and eat something if you can. Some fresh air might help. We've all been there x

Like you I've been doing coke on and off for most of my adult life. I did the 90's rave scene, lots of drugs, Es (sweaty hug Ponz ) but my love affair with coke just carried on unfortunately. My nose is probably fucked too. I get horrendous sinus headaches quite often. Too embarrassed to ask the doctor about them..

Ponz is right, put this experience in your motivation tank Ping. You're not enjoying the high anymore, you can do this. One day at a time.