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Original poster

Jive Bishop and The Surfettes: Surfing on

971 replies

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/06/2017 17:01

Welcome to our support thread for anyone struggling with cocaine. Whether you want to quit, cut down or are someone whose life is affected, all welcome.
We offer non judgemental advice, tips, some absurd chat and most importantly lots of support and encouragement.
Come and join and we'll hopefully all help each other to surf the urges! Smile

OP posts:
ponzusoup · 11/07/2017 22:11

Being brave not brace!

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 11/07/2017 22:13

I'm sorry you're feeling desperate about it all What. I can understand your situation. Almost without realising, my relationship with dh has become so tangled up with coke over the years. It really creeps up on you and seeps into everything.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. You're not an idiot, it's all too easy for a habit to escalate. What's done is done.
Take it day by day if you can for now Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 11/07/2017 22:21

Well done by the way Ponz Excellente progress. x

I'm off to bed now but back in tomorrow for more surftastic chat. Hope you're ok What.

OP posts:
serialtester · 12/07/2017 13:24

What, you're in good company here. We all know what it's like.

WhatAFuckUp · 12/07/2017 13:47

Thanks everyone... not feeling brave... more stupid and scared. Had a wake up call when one of my mates couldn't pay his rent last week because of the gear. I don't want to go that far down this road. And another mate is in therapy. Dh and I had a final blow out on Saturday after those two bombshells but to be honest maybe we're not that different to them Hmm

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 15:23

It sounds like you've reached a crossroads What so it's sink or swim, (or surf with us!) It's a real turning point to realise you don't want to carry on the coke life. It all starts to get too chaotic eh? It takes balls to admit that to yourself.

It's tricky when your friends have the same "interests" as it all starts to become normal and acceptable. I became a bit of a hermit at first as I knew I wouldn't say no if offered. I'm still working on that..Confused

If your dh wants to cut down or quit too then that can work to your advantage.
It's fucking tough so don't feel embarrassed to vent and moan on here or confess to any slip ups. Just being brutally honest on here about things helps me..it probably bores the tits off everyone else. Grin

My advice would be to just think short term. I still use the today I won't use technique. Looking too far forwards is a real head fuck sometimes!
You're not stupid and it's ok to feel scared. Flowers

Hope all of you lovely lot are keeping upright on your boards too. Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 15:25

Sorry about that essay! ^

Imagine how much I would talk after a few lines ha ha.

OP posts:
WhatAFuckUp · 12/07/2017 16:19

The essay was great! Thank you. Yes definitely at a crossroads. I admit I'm in debt but at the moment it's under control. I've seen how quickly that can change though. Have never missed the rent, have a good salary and own my car with no finance so if it really hit the fan I've got a bit of a fall back. My savings pot has shrunk to miniscule proportions compared to what it was though Sad

I like the day at a time technique. I think that will really help me. I've definitely got coke brain though. Had a day off today so it feels like a weekend Confused

Sometimes I think I have a bit of depression but I don't know what to do. I often feel quite 'lost' and meaningless. Like I'm not good enough somehow. I dunno.

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 16:51

The highs and lows don't really help your state of mind on the whole, although of course it feels amazing when you're buzzing.
I feel quite flat and lethargic sometimes just because my brain seems to be hard wired to seek out an exhilarating high. Everything in comparison seems a bit meh. That does get better a while off it. Hang in there and hopefully it'll improve x

OP posts:
serialtester · 12/07/2017 18:44

Gosh, can totally relate to sometimes feeling flat! It's dangerous to know that there is a simple solution to it. As for talking a lot lost - you could never be as bad as me!!

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 19:08

Ah kindred spirits, you did fill up a whole page once Serial Grin but we still love you. Glad you've ventured out of the boat shed.

Feeling a bit flat today actually. Flat as a run over hedgehog. I'm hoping a beer and a nice bath will be the remedy. Confused.

OP posts:
serialtester · 12/07/2017 19:22

I'm having wine. Is being a pisshead better than being a coke head?!

serialtester · 12/07/2017 19:25

My brain this week is telling me that I've done coke 3 times this year so I'm positively clean. My brain has forgotten about Saturday morning. I had a bad nose bleed and it really freaked me out.

serialtester · 12/07/2017 19:26

In captain paranoid mode I had visions of having to go to A+E and EVERYONE knowing what I'd been doing. Was grim.

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 19:29

I'm not such a demon with the booze so lesser of two evils? mmm beer and fags.
I have to be careful though as it makes my board all slippery!

OP posts:
Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 19:35

It's really odd how my brain seems to erase all these awful things associated with coke. I completely forget what a come down feels like when I'm craving. Very strange.
I had a nose bleed last time too which you've just reminded me about. God what are we doing to ourselves Sad

Do you have a Captain Paranoid outfit? I'm thinking a cape and a belt with a CP logo.

OP posts:
serialtester · 12/07/2017 19:39

CP is embroidered on my wet suit!!

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 19:44

Hmm I think I'll go for MD on mine in sparkly letters. (Mrs Deluded). What a team!

OP posts:
serialtester · 12/07/2017 20:06

We could go total American high school and get Mrs BI embroidered on our suits. Ala the pink ladies in Grease!

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2017 20:28

I'm humming "You better shape up"
We could even have a beach party! Oh hang on that could go pear shaped..

OP posts:
serialtester · 12/07/2017 21:32

I've got thrills, they're multiplying takes on a whole new meaning!

serialtester · 12/07/2017 21:33

Going to bed now, am having a HUGE wobble. Happy surfing everyone!

Original poster
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/07/2017 08:10

I caved last night and went overboard. I'm getting horrendous midweek cravings now I'm staying off it at the weekends which isn't a great development. Regretted it as soon as I went to bed; heart racing and worrying irrationally about work issues Confused so barely slept.
This can't carry on. I'm wrecked now and going to work all shaky and tired is just ridiculous. I'm wearing the Captain Paranoid outfit today.

Hope everyone else has woken up to a better Thursday.

OP posts:
serialtester · 13/07/2017 11:45

Oh no lost, hope you're feeling a bit better now.

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 13/07/2017 15:38

I have been reading this thread and was just wondering, have any of you gotten any help outside of this thread for the addiction issues? I really think it would help as it sounds like many of you also have alcohol issues. It's not easy to do it alone.

One of the posters up thread mentioned driving while under the influence and also in lots of cases your children are in your car while doing this so it is very serious even if you are all joking about it, I know that is just your way of dealing with it.

It is really difficult but with help is possible to beat this