hells - your question about how we can get dds to see their bodies in a happy light is a really important one and one I have have thought about a lot since I had dd.
My mum was/is in most ways a supportive and lovely lady, however she has always been quite 'figure' focussed. I can VIVIDLY remember when I was 13, trying a swimsuit in a shop (having put quite a bit of weight on) and her saying to me 'OMG!! Look at the size of your thighs.' It cut me to the quick.
In some ways I am glad I didn't have dd until my mid 30s as I had worked my way through the ridiculous diets/bulimia in my teens and 20s. I had come to the realisation that my body is built a certain way; that at 5 ft 10, a size 10-12 is perfectly slim and healthy; that body fat % and how clothes look/fit is a much better indicator that an arbitory figure on the scales. My DH is great and always has been on this issue - in fact (with all their other faults!) all my ex partners have been nothing but complimentary and mystified about my hang-ups. I find it frustrating that it has taken me, a well-educated and (so modest!) generally clever woman, the best part of 20 years to be sensible about these issues.
These days I try and be a role model about these things for dd. I saw my mother doing the Cambridge diet; only doing powdered shakes; only eating grapefruit etc, and its not good. We eat together when we can. We eat the same foods as a family so she sees us eating a range of foods. I eat all sorts of food with her so she understands that no food should be 'forbidden' (allergies aside, obviously!) We try and eat sensible portions of food, because so often I think that is how people on an otherwise sensible diet gain weight. We eat 'treats' sometimes, and try to help her see that you can have the occasional treat as long as you also eat healthy food and that an active lifestyle and exercise can give you a toned, strong body that looks attractive. I try not to comment on other peoples size/shape negatively (although small children pick up on these things, and I have already been asked - in a very LOUD voice why 'is that lady so fat??')
I hope, for her sake, that it works.
Sorry for the diatribe.....