Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

[spidermama]

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

spidermama, was going ot add that, they are all boring normal clones still, only older but certainly not wiser

nailpolish... we had some little "cliques" i guess that all dressed identically... but then there were the "cool" people... who were just so different from everyone. and i think people respected them because they COULD do that

Starlover, this bit:

an independant child who knows their mind and is secure in themselves will ALWAYS make friends

oooo. look at all the total prejudice thinly veiled beneath concern for bullying creeping out from under it's rock on this website.

i totally agree spidermama that your ds is far far less likely to have any problems with his sexual identity (whatever that may be) as an adult having been allowed to innocently express his delight in sparkles and spangles and dresses as a kid.

you stick to your guns. you are right.

also re the bullying. kids that are really secure are rarely if ever bullied. sounds like you're doing the kind of parenting that means your ds is already pretty secure (vis not minding if he gets teased about dresses). imo and ime it's not about difference per se, but whether a child is ashamed of that difference and insecure about it that will make them the target for proper bullying (as opposed to a testing tease...which would lead on to full on bullying if he took the bait so to speak).

sorry that hasn't been the case for your DS lonelymum i do think it is true the vast majority of the time though.

Agreed Soph. Wow. Felt a bit lonely at start of thread but less so now. Bless you.

starlover, kind of saying what you did...only skimmed thread sorry.

s'ok sophable... nice to have some back-up! lol

what makes someone who is not conforming to the norm cool and what makes them a target for bullies then? is it security within themselves? how the hell do you find that as a child? is it through parents?

(im asking a genuine question cos im worried about bullying in the future)

i would say so nailpolish yes.

sometimes we can't help but live in an environment that creates insecurity in a child tho. illness, bereavement, lots of changes, lots of arguing...you can have the best will in the world and your child might still be insecure and be bullied. chances are they'll end up ok as adults if you've loved them tho.

btw everything i say about bullied kids i would say applies to bullies themselves. two sides of same coin, and actually, often the bullies are to be more pitied as they have had far worse experiences at home then their victims, and may not be so likely to end up well adjusted adults.

brillaint question NP. Ive often wondered that too

nailpolish i think it depends on the child. i think an insecure cihld is more likely to get bullied than one who is very self-assured (although obviously it isn't always that straight-cut)

I am scared of my ds going through what i did at school... but don't really know how to ensure that he doesn't end up a victim

Bullying's a major worry for us all let's face it? But I don't think conforming to strict ideas of what is 'normal' will help in the long run. That said, my Brother in Law was badly bullied for being clever at a really awful school. He was interested in cameras and that was enough to make him a target. So sad.

omg soph, youve got me crying now

Good points Sophable Have to say lots of the bullies Ive known have been deeply unhappy people themselves.

having said that... it doesn't necessarily follow that ALL insecure children will be bullied.
simply that were they targetted they may be less well equipped to deal with it... thus bringing on more bullying

Agree with soph about bullies being victims to be pitied. Not always easy. Hard to break the cycle and you feel so helpless sitting out of it all at home.

thing is a child that is different who is secure will respond v differently to a comment like: 'you're a swot'...for instance by saying 'yeah, i'm going to be an astronaut when i grow up' and not just saying it, but actually feeling it, feeling like they are swatting a fly away. but an insecure child, no matter what they say, which would probably be in a desperate voice 'no i'm NOT' will be having the internal dialogue 'i'm a swot, i'm a square, everyone hates me, i need to be like them'. the first child is no fun at all to bully. the second is just what the bully wants...someone they can have power over, that cares what they say think and do. probably in just the way that their parents don't give a toss what they say think and do (the parents of the bully that is).

np why????? i'm saying we can't be perfect parents. i was badly bullied at school and in retrospect i can really see that i was just the perfect target as i was v insecure inside about being v different....but i'm ok as an adult (i think!) i've got a great marriage and i'm hoping to do a bit better than my parents did and they did ok...

why are you sad???

god soph, im just so worried about bullies

Oh FGS, I can't believe how many people are getting so outraged over a little boy dressing up! I really do hope that if ds ever fancies wearing a dress, we'll let him, and he can wear it wherever he wants (haven't run this past dh yet though ). Ds is only 2 so doesn't have any dressing up clothes yet, but when he does get into it this thread has made me resolve to give him the option of princess/fairy costumes!

im away now. im really sorry spidermama for hijacking your thread, you and your little ds sound lovely, keep it up

np

be more worried about your child being a bully!!!!!! that's the thought that terrifies me the most!

dito edam, but when/if it comes to it would you really? I dont know if I would.