Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

557 replies

spidermama · 30/06/2005 11:34

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/07/2005 11:52

So, if it's simply a question of taste, why would you dissuade them from doing it at any age? If you truly believe that to be the case then ou would let them wear a dress whenever they want.

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 11:53

Thanks Blu. Will look it up.

OP posts:
Enid · 01/07/2005 11:53

hold on...you let him wear second-hand clothes to preschool

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 11:54

Truth is soup I wouldn't discourage them at any age. I don't see why I should. As long as they're prepared for the flack from you people who seem to have a problem with it, then fine.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/07/2005 11:54

I was going by Blu's comment "Both spidermama and I have said we will think twice at school age."

Marina · 01/07/2005 11:56

Oi enid I posted you a link to a girl dolly in a dress on the Lego thread

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 11:56

I admit it would be a tough path and not without pain, but I really have no personal problem with that choice and if it were a choice anyone wanted to take I would be loathed to be the first to instill shame.

OP posts:
Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 11:57

Chances are it's not a bridge I'll be crossing as he is only three. But even so ...

OP posts:
Blu · 01/07/2005 12:04

Actually, Soupdragon - you're right, if DS did really want to at any age, I wouldn't dissuade him with much energy - would still rely on his own judgement to either handle comments and make his friendships in that dynamic, or quietly put on his trousers and move on!

On the other hand, I would make him dress as expected at a wedding, or if there was school uniform, because that is about a different kind of social structure - just like I wouldn't wear a ski-suit to a wedding. It is polite to do the expected thing sometimes. I would make a girl wear something of the expected 'standard' in terms of formality, too. And I would not let DP wear his track-suit-trouse-balaclava at a wedding.

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:11

Throughout this long thread no-one has given a convincing answer to the oft asked question '
Why is it wrong for boys/men to wear skirts/dresses?'
The argument that 'other people might laugh' isn't enough. Don't you teach your kids not to care if other people tease them? Don't you tell them it's wrong to tease? Is it wrong to tease?
Of course it is wrong to tease so why then pander to the teasers? Be yourself and allow your child to fulfill his or her potental. I say again, only dead fish swim with the tide. Innit though?

OP posts:
Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:14

Some of these postings are making me paranoid. Please, God, don't let me be the crazy mum in the papers going to European court of Human Rights to get my son the right to wear a gingham dress to school if he wants to. Aaaagghh!

OP posts:
batters · 01/07/2005 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enid · 01/07/2005 12:16

yes of course we all want our children to be happy and confident and immune to teasing.

thats why we dont send them to school in a dress

Blu · 01/07/2005 12:19

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
AAAAAAAARGH!

aloha · 01/07/2005 12:19

It's not wrong to wear dresses if you are a man - though I would be horrified beyond measure if dh isuddenly announced that he was going to be called Sheila and wear a frock - but honestly, a boy wearing a dress to school (big school) would be absolutely crucified. And nobody would ever forget, ever. At 11 he would still be the boy who wore a dress to school. Teachers would also think you were a loony.
I still remember the boy who wore LEDERHOSEN and a purple t shirt to primary school. He was not accepted, and it really, really isolated him. I can still picture him in my mind's eye to this day.

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:22

Enid, how far would you go to make sure your child fits in and go guaruntee that there's absolutely nothing different or special about him which might just make him stand out from the crowd, heaven forfend!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/07/2005 12:22

The thing is, everyone has limits of what they think it is acceptable for their preschool child to wear. I would not be comfortable with DSs wearing a dress/skirt, you are. Would you be comfortable with DS expressing a desire to go to school naked? Would you let him? The point I am trying to make is not that wearing a dress is equivalent to going naked but that everyone has their own idea of what is acceptable and a line they do not cross.

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:24

I would not send my son to a school where he was constantly undermined and isolated. If the school were really THAT intolerant, it would be doing him no good any way. I have more faith in our local school.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/07/2005 12:25

Spidermama, to counter that, how far would you go in the opposite direction? At what point would you step in and stop your son doing something that is not the social norm?

Blu · 01/07/2005 12:25

You see, I think DS will have the sense not to wear purple lederhosen (to take liberties with your description Aloha) to his inner-city primary, and esp his 2ndry, in due course, because he has a keen social skills. He will wear things that he can defend.

But what do we do about 'chocolate face', and if the answer is 'deal with the insulting little so-and-so', why are we so complacent about insulting people's dress?

But how well the purple lederhosen will go with DS's Piedro boots....

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:26

My kids, like many, would love to be naked all the time in this heat soup. I don't let them as I instinctively feel it makes them vulnerable. Some may feel the same way about a boy in a dress, even if he is only three. I don't, and really we can only go with what feels right.

OP posts:
Enid · 01/07/2005 12:26

You'll find when they start primary school they can often get worried about the most tiny things, they dont have the right lunchbox etc. Its a fine line between teaching them to have confidence in their own choices and helping them to fit in if they want to.

Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:27

I already have two at primary enid so the words Grandma and eggs apply.

OP posts:
Original poster
spidermama · 01/07/2005 12:27

One of them, by the way, a former dress wearer who's now fitting in all too perfectly with the herd.

OP posts:
Blu · 01/07/2005 12:32

I think one thing behind my rather puzzling passion in al this is that i have no faith or respect for the social norm.

The social norm encompasses 7 year-old girls wearing lipstick andhigh heels, not as dressing-up but as 'real' party clothes. To wear bikinis with tops to cover their nipples. For my son to weild a plastic gun and pretend to kill people. For grown women to shave their pubic hair away, fore women to wear shoes in which they cannot actually walk effectively, and which cause physical damage to their feet. For people to wear t shirts in public places with language that is not allowed on the TV before 9pm.

All of this is 'normal'.