Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

[spidermama]

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

I am not sure if spiderboy was only wearing the dress as he was role playing being a princess, which I would discourage on the basis that I have strong republican views and I don't see why a commoner cannot be beautiful and desirable or because he was desparate for clothes with a bit of glamour to them.

I wish boys clothes were more interesting and colourful. Why do the shops feel that we need to dress our little boys in khaki and beige? Why are they no longer allowed silk or satin or velvet? I have to import clothes from abroad if I want ds to experience a bit of luxury. When I was a child boys still got to wear colours, but now they are forced to be moths when they want to be butterflies.

If your boys dress as princesses do they have the option of dressing as Kings? Do they have crimson velvet cloaks and ermine stoles? Or does their dressing up box consist of some horrible plastic fireman tabard and a few hard hats?

pmsl at the thought ofeither of my DSs in silk, velvet or satin. It would last approximately minutes

Kemal looked wonderful last night.....some of his stilletoes are gorgeous!

I know this wouldn't be very professional, but don't you think the nursery nurses might be sniggering at you sending ds in dresses? I've worked in nurseries before and I know that the staff as well as the children can be really cruel, but i'm still agreeing myself that I would let my ds wear dresses to nursery.

That is such a good point triceratops. As it happens our dressing up box contains both plastic tat and helmets (dd favours a Viking one at the mo) and cloaky lengths of fabric etc suitable for both...velvet, gingham, gauze etc. Large numbers of unisex "jewels" such as pretend chains of office, crowns etc. Must sort out some fake fur though!
Ds gets to wear bright colours "for boys" too...bermudas and ts in blues, reds, yellows etc.
Top post Hester. I know a little boy with two mummies who has done just dandy from delivery onwards. A good lead from school and support from friends has helped as there has been the odd "I'm only telling you two selfish fools this for your own good" conversation in the pub (after he was born FFS! like they were going to give him away on the basis of this super advice? )

Cod, etc - we are NOT deluding ourselves, becaue our 3 year olds are NOT getting teased, in a wide variety of venues and settings. That's the evidence. Oh, PARENTS give funny looks, but kids just get on with it. Well, isn't that telling. And if they get teased to an extent where they don't like it, they will stop doing it. Simple, end of story.

Actually, at 6, and probably earlier, I WOULD steer Ds away from going out in a skirt. Because it's different then.

All this 'on-behalfyism'. Pah!

Hester - when i was a kid, my Mum was pro-actvely anti-racist - stormed down to school to return 'Little Black sambo' storybook, etc etc. But even she used to say - because it was a fact at the time - that she felt that it was a pressure on mixed-race kids. Now, it just isn't the case. And we have separate two-mummy couples in both our ante-natal grup and NCT Tea group. Nobody bats an eyelid.

Of course there will always be racists on campsites, and homophobes behind every corner - but amongst enlightened society, i thik things are changing fast.

We'll all have to move to a commune in Brighton.

Actually, isn't Brighton teeming with 2-mummy relationships? I saw lots of beach huts in Hove that were clearly enjoyed by female couples.

Spidermama - I live in S London - but practicallly on the A23, and when Cod isn't casting her magisterial eye on me I can be there in an hour and a half!

Neatly put Blu
Room in the commune grounds for one more outwardly boringly conventional but inwardly radical family unit ?

Your boys in their tipi, Marina, and you and I meet in the cocktail bar in the Metropole Hotel on the seafront.

I do hanker after a beach hut.

Sounds good. They can sit in the bushes getting in touch with their inner laydees.

That's very funny

So do i (beach hut that is). Was this because the owners were in residence or were these huts so stunningly tastefully decorated that their owners had to be gay?
I think we need to club together, buy one in Frinton, and staff it 24/7 this summer with offensive family units . Does anyone have Grayson Perry's phone number?

I was certainly part of 'picking on someone' for a while. Very badly, actually. We all tied our coat belts together, threaded them through hers and dangled her over a high wall, to scare her. Didn't occur to us that she might have plummeted.

And the reason?

She had a pony and we were beside ourselves with jealousy.

Moral: NEVER buy your child a pony in case they get bullied.

Better not give your children anything NICE in case they get bullied.

And as we have heard, never let them wear anything NOT nice , they might be bullied.

Marina - I could not possibly decribe the various beach huts and their occupants to you without falling heavily into stereotyping.

have neither bullied nor been victim of a bully

my sister was bullied very badly at school until I found out, confronted the bully and made her cry in front of all her mates

as I have said my issue is not with 'bullying' as kids do tend to be quite accepting of most things I find. But I do think kids will tease. There is a difference. And it is something you could avoid if you wanted.

Am interested to know what you will do when he starts primary school and if he wanted to wear a dress then?

This thread made me groan till I saw Cod's post - hurrah for common sense.

I'm with Cod and Enid all the way.

Both spidermama and I have said we will think twice at school age.

The question is about NOW - at 3 years, for pre-school, where it is common and accepted for kids to wear dress-up
And our kids are not getting teased.

it isn't the 'might' you're all worried about - it's REAL - it isn't happening. Why do we keep having to go back to this?

but theres a difference between dress-up and a dress? I get the impression your ds wears dresses when dressing up but spiders ds wants to wear a normal dress every day which she encourages by buying him everyday dresses? or have i got it toally wrong?

Any time you fancy a trip to the seaside Blu you and yours are more than welcome. I live just off the A23 and had about 14 different addresses in South London before moving down here so I know it well.
By the way, there's no preschool for Spiderboy today so he's spending his time making a fairy in a tutu out of a wooden spoon and orange paper. Should I point out that he ought to be ashamed of himself? There's a perfectly good plastic Uzi and about 700 monster trucks in the toy box after all.

ah but whats he wearing while he's doing it

Will rummage for Spiders answer...yes, DS is a dress-up situation, except for his kilt, which he wore to a b'day party last week - none of us has any Scottish reason for it, he just likes it, but even so, at 3 I still wouldn't have a problem with a child wearing a 'real' dress - Spidermamas lad is 'handling' the challenge hehas had, and he can easily stop.

If I had a girl, I would never buy any pink clothes, because i actually don't like that particular pink that swamps Next etc. But there wouldnm't be any underlying worrying reason behind her undoubted wish to wear it, would there?
open q - no implications, - does anyone think that if a boy really wants to wear a 'real'dress, that there might be something unnderlying to worry about? Would you expect to see a post on MN saying 'should DS se a psychologist?'

Because otherwise, if it's not a q of getting teased, - and remember spiderboy isn't - it's just a q of taste, isn't it? (and remember it's pre-school - not a wedding, not school...)

Spider - there's a Brighton meet-up thread:
click here

no its not a question of taste

I know plenty of three year old boys that like angelina ballerina, and play with the dds jewellery and their dolls. All fine. If i had a three year old boy () and they dressed up in a fairy costume at home I wouldnt give it a second thought I am sure.

But I think actually going to a shop and buying your ds a dress to wear to preschool is a step too far. Thats what spidermama said in her original post. That is making a deliberate statement.

Yes Enid he began by raiding his sister's wardrobe day after day. When I stopped him he put on anything he could find which wasn't brown, beige or blue, be it pyjamas, a tea towel, a pillow case. The thing he loves most in life is beautiful clothes. He also loves Jays and Butterflies (his middle name is Jay) So I bought him a couple of dresses from the second hand shop. I'm indulging my child's passion which I see as perfectly healthy. He knows about teasing and has been teased but overwhelmingly the reaction from his real friends is positive or completely nuetral. He's very popular and out-going and has more friends than most. I'm amazed at the implication from some of you that he is 'wrong' or in some way 'shameful/twisted' for wanting to wear beautiful clothes. He doesn't care about your gender labels. HE'S THREE! And do you know what? But you are saying you'd rather pander to society's pointless macho predjudices instead of pandering to your own boys needs for freedom of expression just because he might get teased. Do him a favour and have more faith. Let him be who he wants to be.