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Original poster

Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

557 replies

spidermama · 30/06/2005 11:34

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

OP posts:
northerner · 30/06/2005 15:19

Starlover, I must say that I do feel that in the big wide world it is sometimes innapropriate to wear certain things at certain times. What's wrong with teaching this to our kids?

For example, if my 50 year old MD arrived at the office in a Superman costume, this would be inappropriate.

nailpolish · 30/06/2005 15:19

soph i have a huge fear of dd's being bullied, but i have no fear of them being prejudice. dont get that

northerner · 30/06/2005 15:20

Am chuckling at my desk at my example. Have a great mental picture......

madmarchhare · 30/06/2005 15:20

Is it possible that a lot of the people that say that they wouldnt send their DS to school in a dress, arent really pig headed/bigoted/prejudice but dont/'darent' want to test the theory out on their own kids?

Blu · 30/06/2005 15:24

Northerner - I am confused by your post. If the child in question does put on a dress, or asks to, then it will be a parent-centered decision, not a child's-personality-centred decision, if the parent says no, thinks it is innappropriate, worries about bullying etc etc. Do you mean if child 2 in your scenario asks to wear a dress then the parents should say 'no' but if child 1 asks then it's fine?

And DS is not a 'feminine' little boy - whatever that means. he wears skirts, is v theatrical, is kind, loving, gentle and caring. He is also obsessed with fighting by knights or sci-fi charatcers, is having a testosterone surge and would like to show his willy to people a lot (I tactfully but firmly let him know that is not polite), threatens to chop people's heads off, and really stands up for himself.

Your description of two hypothetical children seems to me to come straight out of the folklore book of streotyping!

tarantula · 30/06/2005 15:24

lol might cause a bit of a stir in the office that one Northerner

But then I think for a women to turn up to work in a glitzy top etc suitable for a night out would be inapropriate too.

Having said that I think that we need to enable boys to step outside the what we now consider apropriate dress for them and let them. this obviously cannot be done overnight but we have done it slowly for ourselves (who bats an eyelid at a women in trousers even in the office) and I think we should now start to help men to do it too.

Enid · 30/06/2005 15:26

sophable - thanks for the apology.

I didnt like the tone of your post and it upset me. blimey, I've been on here long enough and should know better by now

I do agree with custy about the pandering aspect. As I was saying, its that that really gets me more than anything.

I liked lonelymums post about conformist - yes, old fashioned - yes but that does not necessarily make you prejudiced.

Blu · 30/06/2005 15:27

Sorry, i realise they are real children - but the categorisiing of them as 'feinine' and 'boys boy' sounds v stereotypical.

starlover · 30/06/2005 15:27

but northener... a nursery has no dress code. there is no reason why a child should not wear a dress.

WHY is it inappropriate for a 3 yr old to wear a dress to pre-school?

i have been asking this for most of the thread and still no-one can answer

Tortington · 30/06/2005 15:28

i wouldnt allow my child to be the test to change the norm.

starlover · 30/06/2005 15:29

why is it a test though?

Tortington · 30/06/2005 15:31

my lat post was in reference to madmarchahres post
"Is it possible that a lot of the people that say that they wouldnt send their DS to school in a dress, arent really pig headed/bigoted/prejudice but dont/'darent' want to test the theory out on their own kids?

madmarchhare · 30/06/2005 15:31

Thank you custy! Its all well and good spouting, but when it comes down to it.....

Blu · 30/06/2005 15:31

I wouldn't deliberatley put my child up to test r challenge the norm, but if he wants to do something, then I hope he's got the grit to stand up to the crushing bloody norm.

Blimey - he's going to have to be able to. he's got a mobility disability, he's mixed race, and, worst of all, his dad looks like a prat on campsites!

madmarchhare · 30/06/2005 15:32

OK 'test the theory' bad choice of words!

madmarchhare · 30/06/2005 15:33

Blu

northerner · 30/06/2005 15:34

Blu what I am trying to say is my ds would never ask to wear a dress/skirt/fairy costume etc. So I am trying to defend the parents who are saying no to skirt waering for boys, because to them it is probably alien to allow a boy to wear a skirt.

Spidermama stated in her original post that her ds loves dresses, butterfly tops and sparkly fairy stuff. So IMO this is part of his character, so she is not phased by this.

oliveoil · 30/06/2005 15:34

yawn

Heathcliffscathy · 30/06/2005 15:35

sorry enid. genuinely no offence intended.

i get het up about this as i feel as if my attitude is written off as 'right on' and that somehow ds is a sacrificial lamb to my bleeding heart liberal ideas...i would never knowingly put ds in any kind of firing line. having said that i genuinely believe that three year olds at least are not as full of the ideas of appropriateness and inappropriateness as adults are. i really think it's fine if a ds wants to dress as a princess or if a dd wants to dress up as a cop/fireman etc.

i do think that there may be people on this thread that do think that a 3 year old in a skirt is going to get mixed up about his sexuality (whatever that means...actually it means sht he might turn out to be gay) and i do think that the more leeway adults give children in terms of experimenting with clothes and gender specific activities the less likely they are to grow up with sexual hangups. annieq i don't* think you are one of these people (altho what do i know, we're all just virtual people on here anyway aren't we). but i do think that it's possible that your fear of your child being attacked by his peers for being different might send them some slightly weird messages about what it means to be an individual and whether it is safe to be one (in a very very limited way, i.e. dressing in a dress at pre-school).

i am typing as LOUDLY as i can here with ds's door open, but he is still snoring. must wake him soon.

crunchie · 30/06/2005 15:37

I want a little boy now who like wearing dresses just to see what i would actually DO if faced with this situation. Like I say I think go for it, I encourage that attitude, BUT would I do it??? I truely hope I would allow my child to dress exactly as they wished. I do let my girls do this (ish) and I remeber HOW important clothese were to me at a really young age, I was always into fashion and still love clothes/shoes etc.

Blu · 30/06/2005 15:38

C'mon - everyone knows this isn't the most pressing issue in the universe, we're just having a robust debate - if you are bored, just move along.

Blu · 30/06/2005 15:38

Yeah, but Enid did go off on one

oliveoil · 30/06/2005 15:38

it's my catchphrase

madmarchhare · 30/06/2005 15:39

Attitude written off, No.

Very limited, Yes.

northerner · 30/06/2005 15:39

I'm with Crunchie.