Wedding guest rules to ignore

[bridgetreilly]

At a wedding on Saturday with people from across the UK and across a pretty wide social spectrum in various ways. MN, I paid attention to the clothes!

Male guests wore:
Kilts, suits, blazers and chinos, tartan trousers, kurtas in a wide range of colours.

Female guests wore:
tea dresses in pastel florals, including cream and ivory, red, green, blue, black, long slinky dresses (mainly girls in late teen early twenties), all white (little girl who literally no one mistook for a bridesmaid because they were in dark navy). Both the groom’s grannies had black hats on. There were hats, fascinators, bows, and unadorned hair.

Literally no one was upset or offended by any of it, because everyone was wearing something special for a special day. The photos were a glorious cacophony of colour and no one was muttering about rules being broken, or upstaging the bride or any of the nonsense that regularly gets trotted out on here.

Groom’s mother wearing a dress that was subject of a lengthy MN thread on suitability a couple of months ago. She looked gorgeous. No one thought it was weird. It was in no way bridal or attention-grabbing.

WEAR WHAT YOU LIKE. It’ll be fine.

Largely agree. Unless you’re my SIL who turned up to my wedding in a white lace structured dress with underskirt. Was having such a good time I didn’t notice on the day (a family member mentioned it a few weeks later) but I look back on this and think “wtf what was that about?”

Agree, OP. I either wear black or green to all weddings, including my own. No one has ever been remotely bothered, and I’m never the only one.

I'm not sure this is the gotcha you think it is.

Sounds like a nice wedding

It's known that a significant proportion of people believe people shouldn't wear largely white/cream/ivory dresses to weddings.
If you know the bride&families position about it, good. If you don't it's better to avoid. Simple as that. When someone starts a thread, it is clear they are not sure, so people evaluatw it for the "safer" way.

I don't bellieve in colour coordinating guests, but stating the style intention (if any) and limitations (white, or sharing the wedding party's colour if relevant) makes everyone's life easier.

Yes, I think that's fair enough. I was at a wedding where a woman guest wore a white lacey dress, and the bride did get upset, so the guest agreed to borrow someone's blue jacket. In theory everyone should hang loose, but there tends to be social conventions. Why upset people if you can avoid it?

I don’t think everyone has read the threads where people confidently assert things like ‘The mother of the groom must never wear blue’ or ‘If you wear green, you’ve had an affair with the groom’ or ‘That obviously floral dress with lots of colour on it has a tiny patch of ivory, so you will be upstaging the bride.’

A normal dress code like black tie or smart casual is very helpful. But these made up rules are becoming increasingly bonkers and bear no relation to real life.

You're the one who sounds angry. Are you a micromanaging bride?

I understand exactly what you are talking about. The people getting angry with you are the sort of fusspots who are either obsessed with Instagram or stuck in the 1950s.

There are basically no rules bar

Do not wear plain white/ivory.

Dress as per dress code in appropriate attire.

Everything else is fine.

Mind you the ones I have seen personally and commented on are all in the second category;

Non-bridesmaids wearing bridesmaid dresses (young girls, who had previously been bridesmaids wore those dresses to another wedding where they were not bridesmaids).

The same kids at a different wedding wearing jeans and t-shirts (parent had taken exception to prior criticism of kids wearing bridesmaid dresses and then refused to buy them anything new).
Woman wearing all black with black hat who looked like she had just come from a funeral.

😂😂😂😂😂
What a ludicrous question! Funny in it's absurdity! 🤣

I would agree with this.
A lot of angry people on here! Just respect that it's a wedding and you'll be ok!

Exactly. People talk such utter nonsense about wedding attire on Mumsnet and I swear half of them just like making other people feel like shit by sneering at their outfit choices.

They're the same people who pop up on workwear threads to say open-toed shoes, bright / dark nail polish, vivid hair colours, any skirt above the knee, sleeveless tops etc are 'unprofessional' for the office. It's like they haven't actually set foot in a normal office since 1981.

I’d love to see hats making a comeback , I’ve a photo of myself somewhere with a lovely dress suit and hat , about 1992ish.

In all honesty, most things are ok. I would personally avoid all black or all white, but most brides are ok with what folk wear. I think you only get this "micromanaging brides" very rarely imo.

It's known that a significant proportion of people believe people shouldn't wear largely white/cream/ivory dresses to weddings

Apparently. According to MN. And yet this is the only place I've heard that.

I've not been to loads of weddings, so I tend to wheel out the same dress for all of them. Which is beige. And it closely resembles the dress the mother of the bride wore at her daughter's wedding. I didn't hear anyone whispering "look at that she's wearing beige". I will say both dresses have a floral design, they aren't block white, but I've certainly seen similar dresses being dismissed as too white on here. A bit like this: https://www.phase-eight.com/product/rakhi-scuba-floral-printed-midi-dress-10017100785.html#isSecondPage=false&start=180&startPageNumber=4&sz=60&imageType=model&cgid=wedding-guest&pid=10017100785&pos=184

And yet. Phase Eight sell dresses like this for weddings. So they clearly haven't' heard the MN rule either.

Exactly. People talk such utter nonsense about wedding attire on Mumsnet and I swear half of them just like making other people feel like shit by sneering at their outfit choices.

I agree. It seems that mumsnetters a) go to loads of weddings and b) only go to terribly formal weddings.

So many outfits I see posted on wedding guest threads look lovely to me, only for the wedding gestapo to say that they are too casual. They aren't for any wedding I have been to.

I get invited to one wedding every ten years these days.

@RampantIvy You need to trust my DD then. She’s been to over 40 in 8 years. She knows the score! I tend to look at her pix and hear about guests from her! At least it’s up to date but I don’t think she’s been to casual budget weddings. Mostly school, uni, training and work friends who are probably not inviting people who do their own thing without regard to what type of wedding it is.

Isn't she a London barrister?

Your daughter moves in different and wealthier circles to me. She mixes with highly paid professionals. That's not my world.

It amused me at a recent royal wedding that almost all the guests seemed to break one (or more) MN rule or another, they either didnt read MN or didnt give a monkeys about all the alleged rules. I was sure Camilla was wearing cream but it might have been pale yellow.

It amused me at a recent royal wedding that almost all the guests seemed to break one (or more) MN rule or another, they either didnt read MN or didnt give a monkeys about all the alleged rules. I was sure Camilla was wearing cream but it might have been pale yellow.

If I ever get an invite to one of these and they insist on e.g. taupe variants (as a friend had last year), I’ll be saying no thanks. I’m not buying clothes in colours that I don’t like, don’t suit me and will therefore never wear again for any Instagram eejits.

Beyond that, I agree with the OP - wear what you like as long as it’s occasional appropriate.

@RampantIvy Yes but barristers come from all walks of life! Many friends have chosen intimate smaller weddings. There’s been a big variety and definitely some with more modest costs but not budget in the pub as far as I recall. Just because some dc have well paid jobs, doesn’t mean the parents and those invited are all the same. A few have been opulent but they were not barristers!

However I’ve never heard her talk about colour coded. Well not for guests - only bridesmaids! That’s over the top. We are doing a bit of family colour co ordination at her wedding but guests - absolutely not! In fact it’s the opposite. Black tie and “over the top” glam. Some won’t bother but they will be a tiny minority!

I agree. But what if the invitation specifies a certain colour or style? I've been invited but have been given some restrictions on colours and shades which make it difficult. I feel like rebelling!

I agree. I won't buy or wear a colour that makes me look ill. I would turn up in the nearest colour and say that I'm happy not to be in photos.

@Thegirlwhowent What restrictions are on the invitation? I think colour is ludicrous. Plus my DD is not having massive group photos thank God. More candid ones of guests in smaller groups. Only me DH and DD are in similar colours plus grooms parents but that’s 5 of us and we are ok with that and men are velvet jackets anyway. I cannot imagine 100 guests all in beige!

You bring up your daughter and her opinions on pretty much every S&B thread you post on. Is she some sort of arbiter of style?