Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

OP - I just wanted to say how kind and wonderful you sound. Your DD is so lucky to have you fighting for her.

Seconded

I've haven't read all the posts but I have fine slightly curly hair that gets knotted very easily. The best conditioner for me is Aussie detangling conditioner and I use a detangling brush ( I think it's a tangle teaser). If I were you I'd use loads of conditioner and work your way from the bottom up. Then rinse off until you're ready to start again if you need a break. Best if you can section bits off and work through them bit by bit.
I'd shampoo it first (I use Faith in nature balancing shampoo).

Thirded 🩷

“Dreadlocks” are not a politicaly correct term. you might be referring to Locs? educate yourself

Give over. I do not ‘want’ all autistic people to leave the forum. This poster said that she believe autistic people should be separated and ‘gatekept’ from neurotypical people to protect them as NT people are so awful. So I suggested she goes and does that.

de-matting is a big thing on TikTok and insta and there’s is lots of help available from professionals who specialise in this, who also have an understanding of many of the MH issues that can cause or exacerbate severe matting. Good luck getting the help you need (it’s not a DIY job) and it’s certainly not necessary to cut the matting out but you need a pro.

thinkingofachange

hairdressers all called them dreadlocks? He has Afro type frizzy hair and we had to go to special hairdressers with him

thinkingofachange

and didn’t mean to offend you!!! X

It would be us keeping you out by choice, not us being forcibly walled-off. Similar reasoning behind women-only book groups, to keep the mansplainers out.

There are too many conversations in the whole of life that go

• OP: My autistic DC is struggling with X.
• NT with no experience of autism: Have you tried Y?

where Y is something that will make the situation worse.

It's frustrating in the same way that any situation where a total noob inserts themselves into a conversation that requires subject specialists is. And we see it all the time: the well-meaning but clueless suggesting stuff that experience told us many years ago just won't help.

I'm glad you've found some good advice. I went through this with DD, so I know the problem. It took her ages to concede that she needed help. We did quite a lot of watching films while I tackled it, with lots of a product our hairdresser recommended. I managed to get far enough in that we could then cut some out without taking it too short, and our lovely hairdresser finished the job.

Just to warn you, I too thought she would never let it happen again. She did, although not quite as bad. I think we had one more round where I had to help, and a couple more where she managed to get there on her own, although it took a while, and I was itching to intervene, because I was worried she wouldn't, and I wanted to get at it before it got too difficult.

She seems to have got there now - second year at uni.

In lockdown we used a (cheap amazon version) crea clip. It's like a big clip you put into your hair and then cut along the bottom of use clippers which is super speedy.

It worked pretty well andgave a much better finishthan freehand. I think cutting it may be the best option. My daughter has curly tangly hair and if it's not cut regularly it gets matted easily.

Hairdresser told us yo always brush frthe bottom working your way up slowly.

Sorry to say, but I think the only answer is to cut her hair short and from then on, try and keep on top of it, so that it does not get matted again. Have you tried baby oil?

So sorry to hear your girl is going through such a hard time.

You could try a mobile hairdresser for a private home visit, eg:
https://homehelphub.uk/find-a-mobile-hairdresser/north-east

Or a de-matting service which offer privacy at the salon, eg:
https://www.serenityloves.co.uk/matted-hair-detangling-service/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=24158932699&gbraid=0AAAAADQuyHAAOM32hz70GcluyvGstexXH&gclid=CjwKCAjwkaXUBhASEiwAZI3ds6hIB7kyOZEho0b6Z59mQE8hs2_lQx5Lip1bmX05zh4ICYQvVRxYWRoC3GwQAvD_BwE

I found those links on a quick google search of NE England, there may be other services more local to you though.

If you had to cut, could her hair be shaped into a cool girl haircut cut, like a mullet or undercut? Might be appealing to a teen?

This is great advice - I found a fab mobile hairdresser to do my DC at home. Even tho’ they are now 18 and 21, I still book him in to do pre/end of semester/term cuts. Much happier having hair cut by a familiar person in their home even now they are older.

I have fine fair hair. It gets matted as I am not able to dry it easily due to disability.
I bought a detangler brush in Morrisons yesterday. £14 but a similar brush is available in b and m for £4. Rubber cushion so not as harsh as tangelteez ( I used this on my DD when she was a child, she has afro hair). I think these new brushes are more flexible.
I use senso calm shampoo from Wella and sea majaik shampoo. Aussie is also good.
I second a silk bonnet.

This happened to me when I was 18. I just got so depressed and it got bigger and bigger. I luckily had so much hair I could kind of tie it around the knot and hide it a bit.

I used coconut oil, and a denman brush, they’re super firm more so than a tangle tweezer and I don’t find wide tooth combs helpful you want to catch every bit of hair you can. Just held it at the root, and attacked it bit by bit over several days. Started with edges to try and separate as much hair as possible. Eventually, I had to cut the final clump out. But I saved a lot and the rest of my hair covered the short patch until it grew back. I hope things get better for her, I’ve never had matted hair since ❤️

I could have written your post, I bought lots of detangling shampoo (baby section), conditioner and hair masks and it took lots of patience and hours of putting it on dry, then wet etc and brushing for a few minutes (seconds) at a time while trying to distract with tv, iPad etc.
Once I managed to sort it, I convinced her to get an undercut and whilst it hasn’t completed stopped it, it’s definitely much more manageable.

Put shampoo directly onto the oil without wetting it to get the oil out. Then wash as normal.

I would suggest doing this inch by inch and only putting detangler onto the bit you're working on. Otherwise I find it dries in my hair and tangles it more! I like the Aussie hair one as it smells nice. I'd only use a tangle teezer as anything else just pulls too much. Once you do the first inch to the root, plait it and move to the next bit. You may find quite a bit of the mat is dead hair and product build up so a clarifying shampoo can also help getting rid of gunge. One thing I've also seen in a video is water on the scalp whilst the bottom is detangled to help with it hurting.

If you did a plait a day as a minimum you might find it easier.

Cut the worst of the mats out, and then Coconut oil (though she will smell like a pina colada) and a broad toothed comb, from the bottom up (speaking from personal experience)

She isn't leaving the house anyway.
I would buzz cut the lot.
Show her pics in advance of women with a buzz cut. Ruby Rose is a good one. On tiktok too.
Then do the lot. Cut it all off. Then shave it.
Do not do it in front of a mirror.
Do not let her watch or you'll only get half done and it will be worse.
When it is all off, and she can stroke her own head, which sensory wise will feel fab, you could let her choose a colour dye. Pink, blue, red, something you only do once in life usually.
🍀🍀🍀

This ^ always comb from the ends in small sections . Use a wide tooth comb . It will take ages but it's a learning curve for her not to let it get like this again! If she won't let you , you may have to cut it .

First of all, someone mentioned egg - this might be ok for healthy hair and people who don't mind the washing. But don't do that under any circumstances, as it needs to be washed out before going to sleep and you likely won't manage.
For this exceptional situation, I don't recommend foodstuff for hair treatment. It could become a ground for too many bacteria.

Note: egg needs to be washed off with cold water; warm water will make it solid. Best not do that now at all.

With all the products and little to no washing, her scalp could start itching. Please keep this in mind, too. Try to get as little product of the various suggestions on the scalp as possible, as it's currently hard to wash.

You are right, olive oil and others put a film on the hair and you can't stack stuff endlessly. All conditioners and shampoos with silicones put a film on it, too; that's the mechanism which makes hair feel smoother. However, olive oil can be washed away much more easiliy (the part that has not been absorbed by the hair.

I think the suggestions of conditioners or detangling spray are best tried during the day, so that in the evening, you can wash away the residue (even if it's just with water for a start).

I agree with the other suggestions of mechanical detangling, tiny bit by bit. This is probably the most successful, though time-consuming.

You need to section the hair into small sections. Get a spay bottle and fill it with water and saturate a section. Get a moisture deep conditioner and work it through the section. Then, I start at the ends and brush it out. Once the ends are tangle free, you can go higher working your way to the scalp. That way, you're not pulling the hair from the scalp. I also hold the hair above where im brushing, so im not pulling. Otherwise, it hurts. Once a section is done, if she can't tolerate the product on her head, I'd shampoo, condition, dry, and plait that section. If the hair is really matted, I'd cut upwards through the matt (very carefully so you dont catch her scalp) to create manageable sections. Work slowly and celebrate each section detangled. It might take ages and she will lose hair but you will get there.

ETA: My kids have very curly hair and are tender headed. I always work in small sections. It makes the whole thing less upsetting.

My five year old had horrific knots in her hair, we got a tangle tease and used that L’oreal laminar water (the pink one for lonh hair). I wet the hair the coated it in that stuff, combed from the bottom then tried to split the knot out and comb it out. It was like combing out a dreadlock. I got about 80% of it out then snipped out the rest, going forward I used the mini u honey cream conditioner, and then when towel dried the aveda cherry leave in and have never had knots like that again