Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

@Clockworkbanana I have long (past mid back if straight), very fine, thick, curly hair. It matts just from rubbing on a shirt collar or the back of the couch. I swear by this brush. Very good. Just work from the edges in. You should have used a spray in hair oil, not olive oil. Make sure it's argan oil. Spray liberally and let soak in for a bit, then brush gently. Non spray oils are way too heavy and won't give a slide like you get with lighter spray in oils.

Then I'd recommend silk pillow cases. Made a big difference for me. My hair is tied up to sleep, but would still get all tangled on non silk.

Not an expert but the algorithm shows me loads of videos of people detangling hair or removing dreads (which is also matted hair). It can be done!

The general consensus seems to be not to wash it when it's matted because it makes the hair too stretchy and you wont be able to dry it.

Work on a tiny bit at a time and plait the section to keep it out of the way while you do the rest. It's a long process so might be best done over a few days.

My daughter had similar hair. Although not matted, it would go into big tangles very easily. The best thing I found was loads of silicone heavy conditioner and a small comb.

It sounds really positive that your daughter is ready to tackle this. I hope this is the start of her recovery and she is lucky to have a mum willing to do this. X

Do you know how to think in a straight line?

If it doesnt matter then there is no consequence, therefore no lesson learned.

And if there is a consequence, would you really recommend fucking up a ND young woman by shaving her head?

WTF is wrong with you?!

I would think some of it will need to be cut (or will comb out in the combing a lot) - it would be an easier task if it's a bit shorter.

Neurotypical lack of empathy, innit?

It'll pull out and be dead hair if it is this unsavable.

Just keep brushing when she lets you and it will work out.

It's taken enough time to get this bad it can take enough time to rework / regrow back out.

Don't pressure her and don't ignore it. Knots grow in a day, matts do not.

Ok fine then. If it doesn’t matter at all - then still the same outcome of ‘cut it.’ There’s not much other option.

Yeah. That'll teach her for going into a total autistic retreat and shut down. How dare she. FFS, get some sensitivity.

I’ve seen quite a few videos on TikTok of people getting really bad matts out - conditioner and there is a technique to using the comb - comb downwards. The reality is it can take several hair hairdressers many hours getting out - it will probably be a process down over several days. But definitely possible to save the hair.

I have long fine hair and lots of it. It has been matted before after hospital stays etc and sometimes even in the winter months wearing scarves will make my hair matted. The best things for working with my hair are Palmers leave in coconut conditioner and a wet brush - a paddle brush one. I honestly find those tangle teaser brushes rubbish, the bristles aren't long enough to get through my hair. Good luck

I am not fully understanding her level of distress but if it is severe can you ask her medical team for a sedative prn that could help her calm down so that you can just go hard at the problem for two hours or so.

Also hard to tell what advice would help without seeing photos. But when hair is wet or sticks together so sometimes dry detangling starting at the bottom can help.

My ASD son has very long thick hair. I used to stage an intervention where I would ask him to shower in his bathers once a month and I would walk in on him and really really wash his hair and use the high pressure setting to ensure there was no residual product left. Also got him to get an undercut of about 4cm to reduce the matting at the nape of his neck.

Have you tried a tangle teaser brush? Actually any soft brush. Rather than try a comb hair into strands, brush it gently to get hairs going downward. It will take a while. A little coconut oil on brush. Then a nice shampoo and conditioner, dry and plait for sleeping. I hope things improve for you all xx

@KidsDoBetter no need for rudeness. The child doesn’t go out, so it doesn’t matter if their hair is shaved, then they can start from scratch again. I was trying to be helpful. But you always get one who has to be nasty

This.

I would drench in a decent moisturising conditioner and then starting at the outter edge of the hair or the part farthesest from the mat, and taking small sections physically untangle that part. I would tease it gently with ny fingers until it was untangled enough to brush.

If brushing the section start from the bottom and work up, slowly.

Then move in towards the next section. Be patient and be prepared for it to take a while. It would probably be helpful for her to be distracted by watching TV or playing on an iPad or something while you work at it.

I agree with this. I wouldn't stress about what you are putting on. Just use what you have have at home or pick a suggestion at random and start working on it.

When we had very matted human hair wigs when I worked in a college we used neat fabric softener to untangle them- tricky on a live head the afro miracvle conditioners are expensive, but very good- comes in a pump jar, use it neat then wash.

@Clockworkbanana The specialist in this link offers a free 10 minute consultation over WhatsApp - I think that would be a good way to get advice about what to do about the olive oil etc you have already put into her hair.
Take photos first so you can show them.

(I don't have personal experience with the company, but they do seem to be sensitive of clients with mental health struggles, and autism)
Best of luck!

I think your strategy is good but please do consider trying Canter horse detangler after washing and drying it. I know it might sound horrible to some people but it's designed to get impossible wind knots out of long manes and tails. You really wouldn't believe how a horse's tail can twist itself into knots unless you've dealt with one, and that's before they lie down and get mud, bedding and nameless other stuff in it.

Spray it liberally, pull a tiny number of hairs at a time free of the knot and eventually it will all come free.

I've also used it on a completely matted Sindy and it does a great job nylon hair too!

Could you have a home hairdresser who comes to you? Perhaps find someone who is willing to pop in and meet her first,

get a head jog brush from Amazon. It is a lot better than a tangle teaser. The spring at the back reduces the pull on the scalp

Of course it matters!! It’s not about going out and being seen but about how it feels to the person wearing it. To an autistic person, the ‘feel’ of the hair when you touch/play with it is essential. As an AuDHD I have never been able to cope with shirt hair as the playing with my hair has effectively been a stimming exercise. I am late fifties and will never cut my hair for this reason.

Such a bloody ableist reply!!

By the way my hair matts easily and being curly I have to be cautious anyway with products and don’t comb with thin combs - I use faith in nature conditioner on my and pull the matts out with my fingers - they were pretty bad after motorcycle touring because i didn’t have conditioner (mean hotels didn’t supply!)

It can’t be that essential if she let it get matted?

Is it worth trying a dog detangling brush for the mattes? Most brushes will just pull but these are honestly amazing. Thick mattes will never break up so will get those out and then untangle some of the looser ones. Our dog used to really react but with these just sits quite happy so can’t be uncomfortable. They look brutal with loads of little bent metal teeth but seem surprisingly gentle. Clearly dogs are very different in hair/pain etc (and this isn’t meant to offend) but might be worth a try (and are less than 10 quid).

Tell us you know nothing about autism [and autism in teenagers], without saying you know nothing about autism…