Why doesn’t she want me as a client?

[notamumyet2010]

This is such a first world problem, I’m almost embarrassed to speak about it but it’s really playing on my mind so I would love some opinions.
For years, I’ve been seeing a beautician for nail art. She was amazing, really talented and I thought we got on really well. I knew she also worked from home and after a couple of years I asked if she was looking for some home clients and she said no not at the moment due to time/space. Fair enough. I thought.
Anyway start of this year, she lost her job, it was very sudden as the place went under. She messaged me telling me what happened and I expressed empathy. After a week or so I saw on social media she was telling people to message her if they want to book in with her at home. Straight away I sent her a message and she responded saying she was just waiting for some materials to arrive and she would message me to let me know once she was up and running. I saw again on her socials she was seeing clients. I waited for a message and nothing. I was super confused as I really thought we got on well and I was a regular client. I left it for a while thinking she was probably getting things sorted, and it takes a while I’m sure. Well it’s been months now and I thought hell I’m going to send her one more message. So I texted asking how she is and is she taking more clients on. She said yes and she’s working hard including at a local spa. No mention of me booking in with her. I was like ok this is odd, decided to be brave and ask outright. “Can I book with you?, only I never heard from you” I get a strange message back saying she would be willing to do my nails but is fully booked till September!
I feel like for some reason she certainly doesn’t want me as a client, I have racked my brains for a reason and the only one I can think of is I ask for nail art every time which takes more time. However she did always say she loves it as she gets to be creative and all her other clients are boring. In fact she called me her favourite client.
Obviously sadly you guys will be no wiser as to why this has happened or what I’ve done, but my question is…..would you book in for September or just accept that for whatever reason this client/beautician relationship has ended?
It’s such a shame as she really is sooo talented but I just feel this has probably tainted the relationship now anyway.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!

The salon owner is who does my hair, and I expect him to pay all his staff appropriately, especially when I’m paying just under £200 for the appointment. I dunno, just feels a bit weird giving coins to someone who, by the time I leave is already with another client. I hate the awkward ‘this is for you’ dance. My mum was a hairdresser and a barber and in both places they had tip pots that customers could drop the money into. That at least felt less awkward, and was also a long time before minimum wage.

I do think it’s unusual given you were a regular & so you’d think out of courtesy she’d have contacted you & out of a business need too. Perhaps though much as you genuinely got on maybe she can’t do that type of art any more & is choosing her own clients now. If ofc you see posts of nails she’s done that are very similar to the kind of work she did for you that’s not the reason. I’d prob leave it & look for someone new. But then I hate awkward situations!

It def won’t be that price now

Find someone new.

My guess would be that she's just flakey and unreliable and it's got nothing to do with you.

If you really want to know, ask a friend to make an appointment and see what happens.

Nice presents don’t pay bills. Or go towards a food shop.

Maybe she secretly hates her job, thus is just being arsey? Lots of people say one thing at work, whilst thinking another entirely.

For those who work in services with the public, its part of the job to give the impression they're enjoying themselves even when they'd rather be doing literally anything else.

My guess is that you're 'just' another client, no more and no less liked than any other client. She finds the nail art a faf (even though she's said otherwise) and/or she thinks it was/is entirely up to clients to do all the running in order to book in.

It might simply be financial. She lost her job and is scrambling to make ends meet. Your nails may (or may not) have been fun, but she may make more money doing straightforward, quick and easy clients. Espcially if you don't tip very generously to compensate for her extra time and money.
She flattered you, as a good service provider should. But you may have been more expensive and high maintenance than you thought.
We see the same kind of post from bewildered mothers whose nannies and baby sitters drop them.

When someone pointed that out, the OP rushed to say that actually she also gives £100 cash 🤔

One thing I really want to ask those of you who have said it’s down to the tipping and it’s strange I gave a lump sum at Christmas/birthday……what’s the actual difference? £5 every 3 weeks or £100 at Christmas. It’s not much difference cost wise but putting £5 in your purse once a month gets sucked up on the next supermarket shop whereas £100 you may be likely to buy something you want or wouldn’t normally.

Nice that your so invested in this that you choose to keep responding :-) Was worried when you said you were out 🤣
I didn’t rush into saying that, I answered when people asked if I tipped and I said no I give gifts, I then clarified exactly what they are as people assumed it was tat no one would want.
Looking forward to your next assumption of me tho…..😉

I’m almost embarrassed to speak about it

Really? You seem neither embarrassed nor reluctant to discuss it. At length.

Channel some of that feistiness into… wait for it… booking an appointment on September. When she has availability. After a busy summer

It’s people like you who make others feel embarrassed. You have been nothing but hostile and judgemental from the start. Shock horror…not everyone is the exact same as you and people may care about if they did something to cause upset without meaning to. Not everyone tries to cause upset for no reason. I know that must be hard for you to understand in your world.

Have you read the overwhelming majority of posts??? That this is very weird. You need to just book an app for September and stop navel gazing about this!!

I think probably the comments about being told she should charge you for the nail art was your opening to offer to start paying. And you didn't.

So now she has no belief you will pay the going rate.

Just message, ask for September ask what she'll be charging now and you'll get your answer.

This is all too much (from someone who only goes to one nail tech and I know nothing about her life)

I think it’s dodgy not to tip if you’re getting complicated nail art that takes 2 hours tbh. I tip £5 a time and I’m strictly plain or french tips at a push. They probably don’t care for gifts, you’re not their friend. Or perhaps you over shared and she was uncomfortable?

As mentioned she told me far more about her life than I did. I kept the chat quite shallow, funny things I’ve seen or overheard at work. TV shows. She was telling me about her relationship issues, family concerns, issues with her boss. If anyone shared too much, I can honestly say it was her.

Bit hard to offer to pay for something when she essentially said I’m not gonna charge you for the extra time but if the boss asks tell her I did.

“Oh don’t worry about putting yourself at risk like that. I will pay full price but thanks for the offer”

Most people have been helpful, kind and offered their thoughts on why. A couple, mainly you have been nasty from the start. I don’t know what pleasure you get out of it, I’m sure there is a reason that me wondering why this has happened has irked you so much. So much that indeed you said you weren’t going to respond anymore and yet are still here hours later taking the time to respond. To make it easy for you, I won’t be responding to you anymore. I may be upset that I can’t have some nice flowers on my nails but from the tone of your messages, I’m sure you have way bigger problems than that so il leave you to get on with sorting them.

We are reading different threads.
post after post telling you how odd this is.
infect you thanked the one poster that agreed with you, saying you thought you were going crazy.

I gave you the very straightforward response you should have given her when she put herself at risk by offering you a cheapie

Your gift is very generous and makes up for the tips. I would skip the non cash gifts. Cash is king.

I get what you are saying here. And it’s possible that some people are jumping to the wrong conclusion, however each person is different. Some people will think nothing of it like yourself and others (like me will find the op’s behaviour borderline obsessive)

I have no trouble working in a customer facing role. I’m friendly, chatty and can get along with most people. However, to me work is work and if I was to see my clients outside of my work bubble, let’s say on the street I would probably be polite enough but that’s as far as it would go.
If these clients then continued to badger me about booking them in along with gifting me expensive gifts, I would go out of my way to avoid them as I would feel awkward and slightly smothered and like they were trying to force a friendship on me that I didn’t want.

They aren’t my friends and are in some ways a still a stranger to me. For these ‘strangers’ to then keep in touch with me outside of work and push gifts on me (expensive ones like £100 in a card), I’d think they were the batshit ones.
A box of chocolates at Xmas as a thank you, fine. But a box of chocolates and £100 in a card? That’s too much, especially for birthdays and Christmas and I’d find it odd for a client to go to this level of effort. First of all I’d feel like I’d feel like I have to return the favour when it’s their birthday or Xmas when they aren’t even a friend or a relative, which is a road I absolutely would not want to go down. Secondly, I just feel it’s highly inappropriate. If the op was a man, gifting me all these things at Xmas and on my birthday, I’d start to think they had intentions other than just being ‘a friendly customer’.

The fact that op seems invested enough in this woman to create a thread about her, on top of the gifts she’s been buying her and on top of chasing her for an appointment, indicates to me that the op doesn’t appear to recognise healthy boundaries.

So whilst the poor woman that is at the centre of this thread may or may not be just fully booked until September and may have forgotten to tell op when she was available to book her in, possibly did not intend to come across as avoiding the op, I do find it strange just how far op has taken this (non friendship) by buying personal gifts for her Xmas and her birthday, chase her for a booking rather than just finding another nail technician who could fit her in sooner and then feeling the need to write a thread about her. I don’t understand when, if op really wanted/ needed her nails done, why she would wait around all this time without going to a different nail technician. It seems a bit bizarre if you ask me. Even if op’s doesn’t intend to come across as obsessive or suffocating, I know I absolutely would take it as her being like this and would not want to deal with her anymore.

Have you messaged her yet @notamumyet2010?

My hair dresser tells me all about her life. She tells me about her battles with her in laws, about her holidays, about what she did at Xmas and her birthday. It’s just general chit chat to pass the time, to make her clients feel at ease and comfortable and so that we are not both sat in awkward silence for the 2.5 hours I’m there having my foils done, washed out, blow dried and my hair styled.
You have read too much into this and become way too invested. She isn’t your friend. You are her client. She will be telling all her other clients the exact same life stories she tells you.