Nursery Fees Ate My Botox Budget!!

[Kerrik]

Excuse the sensational title! And please don’t come at me because I already know how First World Problems this sounds, but honestly… what am I missing here?

Early 40s. One toddler. London. Two-bed flat. Nursery fees that currently resemble a second mortgage (£1,000 a month). Actual mortgage now £2,500 a month because apparently interest rates hikes decided we’d all had enough joy in life.

I earn £75k a year working for a giant billion dollar tech company, husband earns slightly more, and yet by the end of the month we both seem to just sit there and stare at each other thinking “where did it all go??!!”

We haven’t had a holiday in two years. Saving? Hilarious. Moving to somewhere bigger? Only if we win the Euromillions or discover a wealthy elderly relative we didn’t know about.

But the thing that’s genuinely getting me down is this: I feel like I can no longer afford to maintain myself as a middle-aged woman. Not in a glamorous Real Housewives way… just basic “try not to look like a sack of old s**t” way.

Hair = £200. Botox = apparently now the GDP of a small nation. Nails, beauty treatments, supplements, veneers, replacing make-up / skincare products… all somehow seem impossible now.

Before child + mortgage apocalypse + cost of living crisis, these things were manageable. Now every salon appointment feels like I’m applying for a bank loan.

And yes, I know Botox and balayage are luxuries before anyone tells me people are living off beans. I do know that. But I also work really hard, climbed the career ladder, got the degree, did all the supposedly sensible life things, and I honestly thought by your 40s you’d reached the stage of life where you casually booked a haircut without first checking three banking apps and briefly considering selling your kidney on the black market.

Meanwhile everyone else online appears to have:

• immaculate hair
• matching gym sets
• glowing skin
• extensions
• bi-monthly spa days
• houses with utility rooms
• holidays in Tuscany
• children called Rafferty doing forest school in cashmere

HOW?

Are people secretly in massive debt? Is everyone getting parental help? Are there just far more seriously wealthy people around than I realised? Or am I catastrophically bad with money?

Because right now I genuinely feel like I’ve worked all this time just to become a permanently tired woman in a tiny London flat Googling “how long can Botox realistically last” to ensure I get my moneys worth!

Just me and a large dog
No husband
£26K for four days a week, a meagre salary for most let alone someone who's post grad educated with a qualification (degree equivalent) in another subject!
Landlord so remortaged some time ago putting my earnings last year up to around £40K.
Mortgage is about £950 a month. Fairly nice house, three bedrooms, conservatory, garden large kitchen etc in a 'postcode envy' area.

I don't go on holidays but in fairness, I don't like them, I prefer to have several minibreaks in the UK throughout the year. I am going to the Jurassic coast with my Mum and DP later on in the year, went to Blackpool for a night out a few months ago. Altogether they probably cost roughly the same as some holidays.

I get Botox every 6 months or so. I used to go to trainees which was MUCH cheaper. It just takes a bit longer that's all and you have to go on days a course is running, not too much of a problem and in a big city you shouldn't have any issues finding a training course.

I do my own hair however, not just due to how much hairdressers cost but through absolutely hating the experience of going to one and out of maybe 10 visits to them I have only ever been happy with what they did ONCE. Nope. Box dye and a hair mask now and again.

I go to the gym nearly every day and walk my dog in what you might call 'matching gym sets'. I buy shorts and sports bra sets from eBay for about £8. Last one lasted me from the beginning of lockdown and I have just chucked it because it was frayed beyond repair. Not bad for the price.

I have 5 cashmere scarves and two cashmere jumpers, some other expensive clothes and accessories. Ex DP worked for a high-end designer brand and got them dirt cheap.

I have other gym sets that are hand-me-downs from very sporty niece/sister (both higher salaried than me).

People's lives can be VASTLY different to yours. Comparison is the thief of joy. Currently, I would sell my granny to be on your salary, it sounds as if you're just living a bit beyond your means and comparing yourself to the 'smoke and mirrors' online world.

They're sticky plaster type things that you wear at night to reduce the impact on your skin of frowning in your sleep. Not a miracle but definitely help prolong botox. They're on Amazon.

I live in London and using treatwell off peak discount I have been able to get my long hair cut for less than £70 past two years.

For eg:

Restyle haircut £70 (2026) at a popular salon in Zone 2 Cambridge Heath. This was an intentional splurge

Long hair, wash haircut blowdry £37 (2025) Zone 2 East London. Not a trendy salon

Long hair, wash haircut blowdry £41 (2025) Bethnal Green. Not a trendy salon

Long hair, wash haircut blowdry £60 (2025) Barbican / Zone 1, a ‘cool’ salon with excellent reviews

Can you elaborate?

Jesus OP. My childcare fees are 2700 EUROS A MONTH. For ONE child. So cry me a river. I get my hair CUT (no colour) maybe once every 6 months. Excuse me while I get my tiny violin out.

But they can have nice things! They have to chose the nice things they want to spend on though. It's not unlimited whatever the wage.

Want more? Earn more, tale as old as time!

Well. The reason you are paying shitloads in nursery fees is presumably so you can keep your £160k household income going once they are in school. It's not forever. But you will have wraparound care to pay for if you both stay full time.

Beyond that - it's the mortgage. Our household income is £80k but mortgage is under £800. At least you aren't paying that in rent.

Because this posters total household costs are less than OPs mortgage, they have no water costs or council tax and no childcare bills.
They are also only spending €400 a month on travel, this would be enough to cover the servicing, MOT, insurance and car tax on one car in UK, no petrol or extra trains/busses/taxis or a second car. Also assumes you own the car outright with no finance.

If you add in a further £2k to account for the extra bills then she wouldn’t be saving anything except £500 towards a holiday.

I also use Treatwell and get deals at many SE London salons.

@Anon501178 Same. I’m late 50s and happy with how I look. Would never describe myself as ‘a sack of shit’ even when unwell or if I haven’t slept properly for a week.

Never had my ‘nails done’, though paint them myself. Never had any salon facial beauty treatments, though have looked after my skin. Maybe one or two massages my whole life (presents) and used to have legs waxed - now shave. Never been a member of a gym (walk everywhere, swim and do weights at home and, when younger, used to dance a lot).

I find it really sad the pressure many women feel these days to conform to (and spend huge amounts on) certain ‘beauty’ standards. Feels like they’re being conned out of their hard-earned money.

But I also respect their choice to do so, if that’s what makes them happy and they can afford it. Just not sure some are happy, despite all the money they spend. Or can afford it.

I call it stupid because it is stupid. Most jobs on 75k and over are NOT unearned privilege. Even if a cleaner or public sector worker is also working hard, they may not have had enough desire, will, or even capacity to withstand stress/
make decisions/study further/work longer hours to go into a higher paying field. People who earn more are making their own sacrifices and earning their salary, it doesn’t fall on their lap from the sky.

As I said to a pp, I live in a cheap area 40 mins commute from a major city, where the usual array of jobs, at the varying salary levels you'd expect to find in a core city are available.
London salary weighting doesn't compensate for London housing costs. A salary drop from working in another city within commutable distance of a cheap area is often more than compensated for by lower housing costs.

Buy a home microneedling kit, good products - some are very well priced, shop around and do your research - and use it regularly where you used to have botox. IMO it has far better results.

For hair, if you have no grays, just go back to your natural colour and use shampoos that add highlights naturally.

Ref two incomes that gross over £150000, I don't get how you can't live. You have c£9k pcm and pay £3,500 for mortgage and nursery. This still leaves over £5k pcm for other bills and to live on.

I personally would move to do a slightly longer commute if poss so you can buy a house.

Your situ though highlights just how awful the col crisis really is.

Do you have to live in London?

A deep dive of your monthly spending will give you insights to where its going but your mortgage payments are extremely high even on 75k that and nursery bill is pretty much the full take home of 1 person.

My DH salary is way less we save and have holidays bur we don't live in London and our mortgage is £700 a month even on the higher interest rates.

Something off here. After Mortgage and Nursery you have almost £6k left - where on EARTH is that going?

Generational wealth, which equals no mortgage. I think it’s the only way people afford London now. We earn several times your salary but can’t afford holidays because we had to buy a property with no deposit.

I am older than you my son is grown up
I see a fab young guy who does my Botox 3 areas for 150.
75 for 0.5 ml lip filler

i don’t live in London though although I live in an expensive popular student city

I get my nails infilled every 10 days
pedicure every other week
eyelashes infilled / eyebrows shaped and tinted every other week

Sorry OP but I'm another who thinks you're just not great at managing your money. If you waited until later to have a child why do you not have any savings/still have a massive mortgage?

Also £1000 a month nursery fees doesn't seem excessive, at 40 hrs per week it's only about £6 an hour to look after your child.

Online perfection is fake fake fake. As a middle aged professional, how do you not know this?

You ask what uou are missing @Kerrik.

Id start if with a bit of humility, followed by a large dose of reality.

I think having a job where you are valued for your skills rather than your looks, is key.

Most of what you list is entirely unnecessary, and makes you seem very shallow. Skin quality is down to genetics, diet & hydration, and sun exposure.

You have a partner, a child, and a good job. Cultivate your brain, your personality - these are the important things. Use the money you think you need for botox on going to the theatre, or doing an art class, or whatever.

Worrying about money yet waste some of it? If you are worried you are spending too much money stop spending it on frivolities and move a few miles away to save money on rent/mortgage, I earn a lot less, waste money on odd takeaway, gin etc, don't go to hairdressers or lack enough confidence to get botox and if I end up without money because I waste it I don't whinge on social media about it

Do you live in London? That would explain a lot.

Your income is £150k and mortgage and nursery are £42k. That leaves £9k a month.

Council tax, utilities and food shouldn't be more than £2k so still leaves £5k a month.

Maybe look at your budget and list absolutely everything you pay for over a month and see what's essential and what could easily be saved. I suspect there is wastage being spent in dribs and drabs and not being noticed but adding up to a lot over time which you may like to spend differently.

With your incomes affording a haircut (even at London prices) shouldn't be a big deal

Great advice 🙄🙄 just time travel shall we

Your nursery fees would be double that if you didn't get free hours. How is your mortgage so high?? I have a 2 bed house in zone one and my mortgage is £1000 less even with hiked interest rates. I'm a single parent of a toddler on much less take home than you and still manage botox - it's £200 for 3 areas. Just have to find the right person. I don't spend much on other beauty treatments though.