Nursery Fees Ate My Botox Budget!!

[Kerrik]

Excuse the sensational title! And please don’t come at me because I already know how First World Problems this sounds, but honestly… what am I missing here?

Early 40s. One toddler. London. Two-bed flat. Nursery fees that currently resemble a second mortgage (£1,000 a month). Actual mortgage now £2,500 a month because apparently interest rates hikes decided we’d all had enough joy in life.

I earn £75k a year working for a giant billion dollar tech company, husband earns slightly more, and yet by the end of the month we both seem to just sit there and stare at each other thinking “where did it all go??!!”

We haven’t had a holiday in two years. Saving? Hilarious. Moving to somewhere bigger? Only if we win the Euromillions or discover a wealthy elderly relative we didn’t know about.

But the thing that’s genuinely getting me down is this: I feel like I can no longer afford to maintain myself as a middle-aged woman. Not in a glamorous Real Housewives way… just basic “try not to look like a sack of old s**t” way.

Hair = £200. Botox = apparently now the GDP of a small nation. Nails, beauty treatments, supplements, veneers, replacing make-up / skincare products… all somehow seem impossible now.

Before child + mortgage apocalypse + cost of living crisis, these things were manageable. Now every salon appointment feels like I’m applying for a bank loan.

And yes, I know Botox and balayage are luxuries before anyone tells me people are living off beans. I do know that. But I also work really hard, climbed the career ladder, got the degree, did all the supposedly sensible life things, and I honestly thought by your 40s you’d reached the stage of life where you casually booked a haircut without first checking three banking apps and briefly considering selling your kidney on the black market.

Meanwhile everyone else online appears to have:

• immaculate hair
• matching gym sets
• glowing skin
• extensions
• bi-monthly spa days
• houses with utility rooms
• holidays in Tuscany
• children called Rafferty doing forest school in cashmere

HOW?

Are people secretly in massive debt? Is everyone getting parental help? Are there just far more seriously wealthy people around than I realised? Or am I catastrophically bad with money?

Because right now I genuinely feel like I’ve worked all this time just to become a permanently tired woman in a tiny London flat Googling “how long can Botox realistically last” to ensure I get my moneys worth!

A day trip to the Midlands could be this, inc. train fares and lunch out.

A few brutal home truths from my perspective OP:

1. At your age, you should know better that SM is peddled bollocks. Put it down, it's all silly.
2. If you were spending up to the top of your budget prior to having a toddler/nursery fees, it was inevitable that you'd face budget cuts.
3. 75k isn't that much in London - everyone I know moved out to a cheaper region and took a salary cut that was effectively a payrise, halved their mortgage and doubled their house size.

I'm not saying that it's not shit to have to cut costs. And I'm not saying your should dress in a sack cloth. But that isn't an average list of beauty treatments. And you have chosen to live in a mega expensive part of the country.

I can afford all of the things you list, plus have a normal mortgage on a 3 bed, and have lots of savings and a much lower salary.

Absolutely this @Kerrik
The more famous ones have managers and their posts are curated ( Lol) via managers, house stageing teams, make up artists, hairdressers,professional lighting, film crew etc
ITS NOT REAL !

Beside that what are you spending on?
75K plus 80ish for your DH = 4, 400 plus 4700 take home
So lets say 9K monthly minus student loan = 8K
Mortgage 2.5 and childcare 1K = 5K monthly left and you are pleading poverty ?

Either you are crap with money or have huge debt or this is a wind up thread

Tiny violin from me 🎻

I could have written you exact post. Oh I get you OP, I totally get you.

I've got a second job to pay for all these things - botox, hair, nails, non-invasive cosmetic procedures ., and what have I had done so far ? NOTHING. Why ? because all the extra cash has had to go into the general pot just to get by. FUMING.

''Maybe next month there will be enough in the budget for me to get my botox/cosmetics done'' .. nope .. ''OK, let's be super cautious with money/budget this month, so there is enough for ME next month'' .. nope .. and repeat every.single.month

I will walk out of the second job with £460 after tax, at the end of May. Budget wise, it needs to into the pot .. yet again FFS. But, I am not having that. We will have to make do, cut back (even more than we already have .. and it's already been a squeeze), spend the weekend sitting looking at each other if we have to .. either way, that money IS going on ME for ONCE. I have made botox enquires and sent pics to a recommended salon for feedback on what I need ie fillers and/or botox. Just waiting to hear back.

I am fed up of being the back of the pile every.single.month.

I'm 50 something and look - and feel- like a sack of shite most of the time

I am genuinely curious here - is there a reason that you need to stay in London? I earn the same as you and live in West Suffolk - mortgage is £800 per month. DH earns 40k per year but will be a SAHD when our baby is born. We can live comfortably on my salary and still make overpayments on our mortgage.

Depends how you look at it. IMHO £4 for a take-away cup of coffee is extortionate. You can make tons of cups of good quality, fair-trade coffee for that.

IMHO it’s not depressing or penny-pinching to resist consumerism.

But I realise people disagree and I respect that 🙂

"Not in a glamorous Real Housewives way… just basic “try not to look like a sack of old st” way.

Hair = £200. Botox = apparently now the GDP of a small nation. Nails, beauty treatments, supplements, veneers, replacing make-up / skincare products… all somehow seem impossible now"

Sounds very 'Glamorous real housewives' to me! And you sound very shallow and image focused.Ridiculous to be implying that not having all those treatments would make you or anyone else look like a 'sack of old shit'.
You are 40 years old not 16....move away from the Insta influencers, stop comparing yourself to others and appreciate how lucky you are to have the large income you do.
Work on your self esteem, to feel more comfortable in your own skin, and find cheaper ways to enhance your appearance if that is important to you.
The total annual household income for me AND my husband is 30k less than your personal income alone, so no fancy treatments here, but i am a similar age to you and certainly do not look like a 'sack of old shit' 🙄

The latest research shows it does in fact affect the brain
The brains neural pathways are formed via facial expression, its like a road running in two directions not a one way street
Botox users show similar development in brain structure to patients with Parkinsons Disease.
I suspect there id a lot more research to be done

It’s a guess of course but on your income even with all the basics covered you should still have around £1000+ a month of disposable income? I suppose it’s all about what you prioritise and I know that’s money split between your family and doesn’t account for savings outside your pension contributions and I didn’t factor in leisure activities or holidays so I suppose you are perhaps right that even on a very high income it’s not easy to afford certain luxuries which have become almost essential!

I do get what you say about thinking that by getting degrees and working hard you would have expected by our age to have a much more comfortable life where we didn’t have to worry about picking up a more expensive supplement or having a facial. Our income is lower than yours but we don’t like in London or have childcare costs. We don’t have any debt as our mortgage is fully paid off and our cars and tech like mobiles is all paid upfront and then we use a cheap sim deal.

Self care wise:

I go to the local council gym which costs about £200 a year, I don’t have fancy work out gear, I just buy cheap stuff out of primark or outlet shops. I also wear cheaper lounge wear round the house and when working as I work from home. This way I save my really nice bits for when I’m out so my favourites last longer and don’t get boring to me. I appreciate not everyone can or would want to do this. I’m fussy about nice clothes and rarely see things I really like anyway so this works for me.

I do buy good quality supplements which can be expensive as I’m vegetarian and suffer from migraines so they are prioritised and probably about £50 a month.

I get Botox at the hospital for migraines but it still smoothes my forehead and I get differin gel a retinoid on prescription for mild acne, which the differin keeps in remission.

I do my own hair at home but not with box dye I use direct dye which is kinder to my hair and looks more natural. I also trim my own hair, been doing it for years after too many bad experiences at hairdressers so I have my technique down.

I get all my annual skincare in the Black Friday sales before Christmas and my DH gives me it for Christmas I use a combo of Elemis, Niod, Cerave, the ordinary, biologique recherche and usually spend about £300. I might have to buy the odd thing through the year or want to try something new but overall it’s not a huge spend. I do my own treatments at home like dermal needling and Peels and I have at home micro current and red light mask. I do my own manicures although I don’t like extensions or gels so it’s just a basic French manicure.

I don’t really wear make up just an under eye colour corrector and tinted lip balm. So not expensive, I also don’t wear perfume everyday so I get that as a gift and it tends to last.

Shampoo I have a few I like some more expensive some cheaper I like to switch them about an only wash my hair after the gym so I’m not using them up daily.

We don’t really spend much on takeaway, it’s a few times a year as opposed to a few times a month. I don’t drink and while we do go out for a meal and to the cinema, concert or theatre it’s not weekly or even monthly so we put more effort into cooking really nice food at home day to day and spend quite a bit on good quality fresh food for our health and enjoyment. We also do the usual movie and games nights for cheap fun! Also lots of museums and art galleries are free and if you go then get a couple of tea and split a cake it feels like you’ve had a nice day out and you’ve spent less than £10.

In the past I spent a lot on books, magazines, papers, audiobooks and films now I have a kobo and buy cheap ebooks or get them from the library and I get press reader via the library on my iPad for magazines and newspapers. Audiobooks are from the library and I’ll sometimes get a cheap deal on audible for 3 months which I will take if offered. Also tend to be lucky in charity shops for books.

We don’t do a big holiday abroad every year last year we went to Ireland and this year we’re just at home with a few long weekend's away in the UK.

We do not have a utility room sadly, I’d love that!

I say all this to say that if I had an instagram you might think I was spending a lot of money because you’d only be seeing the exciting things (just like most influencers) when we’re actually pretty frugal and careful about prioritising what we really want. Also a lot of people do rack up debt to maintain their lifestyle and many others spend what they earn and don’t save much if anything.

Stop being obsessed with your appearance.

Make a list of things to be grateful for… great DH, happy and healthy DC, nice home, good jobs.

Hang out with some less privileged people.

Stop moaning.

Not getting Botox is fine, no one needs it, there’s nothing wrong with having a few wrinkles, but don’t peddle this alarmist misinformation.

The vast majority of the population do not live and work in London. Earning less in jobs outside of London is often more than compensated for by much lower housing costs. I live in an area where a three bed terraced house with a garden can be bought for under £200k. My son works in our nearest city (40 min commute) and earns £65k. You can imagine the difference in their disposable income and that of the OP.

Moving out of London may not be an option for everyone of course, but its without doubt the reason people on good incomes are struggling. Other cities and other jobs are available.

I don’t think there is a spare £100k

Husband earns only slightly more than Kerrik
Maybe only £80k

After tax, national insurance, uni loan, pension etc they probably have a combined income of £8200 per month. £98,400 per year in total
Mortgage and nursery fees =. £42,000
Food shopping is probably another £10,000

Household bills, gas electric telephones, council tax, house insurance etc is probably another £12,000

Travel to and from work depending where they live is probably around of £4200

That is £68,400 just on basics.

I think clothes, shoes, lunches, coffees, eating out, outings either individually or as a family, hobbies, dinners out even in someone else’s house costs the price of a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers. buying stuff for the house, for themselves, for dc etc

Whilst I think there is definitely money that can be saved I can’t see where this spare £100k is given they don’t have a net combined income of £100k in the first place.

I GENUINELY do not understand where the money is going, this is our budget and even accounting for a variation in costs, in increase in mortgage and childcare costs. There should be at least 1k left after all costs!

I am in Ireland so no council tax.

Me 3100
DP4100
CB 280
Total 7480

Housing
Mortgage: 1900.
Insurances(life, house): 150
Property tax: 50
Total Housing: 2100
Utilities
Electricity 145
Waste collection: 25
Broadband & TV: 70
Mobile phones x3: 60
Total Utilities: 300
Food & Groceries
Groceries & household food: 500
Dining out / takeaways: 200
Total Food: 700
Transportation
Fuel: 150
Car insurance & tax: 140
Maintenance & NCT: 100
Public transport / Parking: 10
Total Transport: 400
Education & Kids
School books, uniforms, fees: 50
Activities, sports, clubs: 50
Pocket money/treats: 60
Total Kids & Education: 160
Entertainment & Lifestyle
Family outings, hobbies, gifts: 250
Subscriptions: 20
Miscellaneous expenses (haircuts etc): 50
Personal spends:250x 2 = 500
Total Entertainment: 820
Savings & Miscellaneous
Emergency fund / Savings: 2,000
Holidays (monthly allocation): 500
Clothing: 200
Miscellaneous buffer: 300
Total Savings & Misc.: 3,000
TOTAL MONTHLY SPENDING: 7,480

Honestly why can’t someone on a good wage be a bit miffed they can’t enjoy certain nice things?

Being grateful for what you have doesn’t mean you can’t want for more.

Leave London.

You are saving 2000 euros a month. That's an enormous amount.

Absolutely it fine to want nice things and the Op has 5K monthly left over but cant get her hair, nails, botox done and cant save so something else is going on ...

There speaks someone who has never lost a job because of their appearance.
As someone who regularly loses out on better jobs (and better money) because of my appearance I do think this idea that how you look doesn’t affect your salary naive

I think some posters are missing the point. Yes it’s a good household income and yes OP could probably sacrifice other things to afford more beauty treatments. However, the cost of things has gone up massively and what felt like an easy luxury before no longer feels that way - and that’s the same regardless of your income. In a lower income bracket, a takeaway coffee and lunch out feels like an unaffordable treat whereas it didn’t before.

Our household income is higher than the OPs, and we are also still in the nursery years. We also support wider family financially. I was only saying a couple of days ago to my sister that things like getting my nails done regularly feels like an unreasonable expense now. I used to get a monthly pedicure and manicure, and barely blink. That is now about £70 in a “chop shop” nail place on the high street. It used to be £45. I’m not willing to spend £100s a month on how I look which if you added up haircuts, Botox, nails / pedicures, brows and lashes at the frequency others seem to get them, and averaged across the year, it would be.

I choose to prioritise my money being spent elsewhere. But it does sometimes sting that the cost of such things has gone up so much!

Yes exactly. This poster (on similar salaries to OP) can save 2000 a month. And 500 for a holiday.

OP is not saving anything and can't afford a holiday. So where exactly is her money going?

Yes but even account for 1.5 k of that being spent, and a variation in the expenditure. There should be enough leftover!!

I don't understand sorry.

Move.
I pay £20 for nails, £90 for half head highlights and a cut and blowdry, £35 a month for weekly spa access and two massages.
No idea of how much Botox or anything costs but judging by the sheer volume of women in our statistically deprived area who have it I don’t think it’s very much.
We’ve been mortgage free since late thirties. I don’t work anymore and DH is just about to finish we’re both under 50.

Her mortgage is 500 more than mine and she pays 1k nursery

I wish my partner and I took home £8k a month between us. Woweee!