Sandals for a funeral

[TheDutchHouse]

is this seen as a no ?
I'm not talking glittery flip flops but black leather buckle ups . Worn with trousers …

I wouldn't, no.

I think it's a bit unusual for an adult not to have a single pair of smart black shoes in their wardrobe. They don't have to be heeled or expensive.

At my late husband's funeral last year, I couldn't have given a shiney shit what people wore. I was just overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in attendance.

I've seen walking boots at a funeral and flip flops at a wedding and in both cases wondered why grown adults don't know how to dress appropriately for an occasion. Sorry if that's judgy, but it's part of being a grown up that you don't wear a tracksuit suit to a job interview, etc.

I wouldn't - feels inappropriate and not sandal weather - pick up some shoes from a charity shop or cheap store

About 10 days ago.

I dont own actual shoes either. Why would I if I dont need them for work?

So you have appropriate attire when you need to go to a funeral.
I don't wear a black dress to work either, but it has come in useful for many funerals over many years.

Oddly, I don't wear my swimming costume to work either, but I keep it for when I go on holiday or on a rare occasion I might swim here in the UK.

I also have paint splattered decorating clothes too, that I don't wear to work, but keep for when I decorate.

I've also got some thermal underclothes and a really good rain and wind proof coat that I don't wear to work, but they are very useful when walking in the mountains.

As a pp said, it is about wearing the appropriate attire for the occasion.

Really? I would have thought a lot of people who don’t have to dress formally for work won’t have them. When else would you need them? I don’t have any currently, the last pair I bought were for a funeral in 2017 and I bet they don’t fit now (put on weight). They’re also old-fashioned now. For work I wear smart trainers, boots or sandals. No need to wear a court shoe, and loafers hurt my feet.

My parents are in their 80s (so retired for years) and they both have smart shoes and coats for various occasions such as funerals, nice restaurants, family gatherings, theatre visits, concerts, weddings, etc. I don't think that's particularly unusual.

Is it? I have no black shoes. I have some black DM sandals, black chunky Chelsea boots and my gym trainers are black and white ASICS. That’s it. No black shoes.

I have nine pairs, and another two which are black but not smart, and I neither work in a business or fashion environment nor have an extensive shoe collection.

No, I agree that it isn’t necessarily unusual - perhaps especially so when you get to that age and find yourself going to a lot of funerals. Personally, I wouldn’t really want to wear clothes or shoes that are obviously dated. And I wouldn’t want others to have to fork out specially for shoes or clothes they won’t wear otherwise if it were my funeral! But we’re all different.

I don’t see what would be wrong with a smart pair of sandals. And I’m genuinely curious (not judgy) that other people clearly do. But I do wonder if maybe it’s a regional thing - I’m in SW London and we don’t dress up for much!

When else would you need them?

Ordinary, every day life,including going out.

I don't own trainers except for a couple of pairs of All Birds for heavy duty walking around cities as a tourist where I might be doing 20,000 plus steps. A normal day is around 8,000-10,000 steps, wearing shoes.

They’re also old-fashioned now.

What is "they"? All shoes?

‘They’ are the shoes I bought in 2017 - they’re a black patent court shoe that’s a different shape to what would be current now.

I can’t imagine when I’d buy a black high heeled shoe for a formal event outside of funerals tbh - I went to a black tie event recently and wore gold sling-backs. Very unusual for me to need a formal shoe, and I’ll be buggered if I’m wearing boring black when I want an outfit for a formal do/wedding etc. So the only reason I’d buy them would be a funeral.

I think open-toed sandals are by definition not smart. You can maybe get away with them if you have very well looked after feet (which a lot of people don't) and if the rest of your outfit is smart. I suppose if they are heeled they might look glamorous. Sandals where the toes are covered are better for smart office wear, etc.

Not all black shoes are high heels. I've got 4 pairs of flat black shoes.

Whilst I think there's nothing wrong in wearing trainers or sandals to a funeral I do think it's a bit odd not to have any shoes.

No body will notice your footwear. They’ll just notice you attended

Sure, but if the objection to sandals is they’re not formal enough, then you could argue the same about flats. I can’t wear flats with a closed back, as old injuries make them too uncomfortable, personally, so if it was too hot for smart boots, the only thing left in my wardrobe would be sandals.

I’m not sure why you still find it ‘odd’ that some people won’t have black shoes - surely you understand that not everyone has the same lifestyle as you? Where I live, ‘going out’ in smart black shoes would look really old fashioned. I get that isn’t necessarily the same elsewhere, though. My friends from Liverpool and Glasgow really dress up to the nines for things. They probably have smart black shoes. I have no need for them as someone living in inner SW London who doesn’t work in an office/overly formal environment 🤷‍♀️

I think open-toed sandals are by definition not smart.

You’re obviously not alone in this, judging by the thread! I disagree, though totally agree it depends on the sandal, state of feet, etc. Clearly, black Birkenstocks with chipped nail polish isn’t going to cut it for a formal occasion. Some sandals, with groomed feet, could though, IMO. Each to their own though.

I genuinely couldn't tell you what shoes anyone wore at my mum's funeral in February. Showing up is what matters.

Sure, but if the objection to sandals is they’re not formal enough, then you could argue the same about flats

No you really, really, really, really couldn't argue that flat shoes aren't formal. You're at least 10 years out of date if you think that.

Exactly, showing up, staying quiet, saying sorry for your loss. Darkish, (although if it's pouring then whatever your waterproof outer garment is fine) clean clothes unless the family has asked for colours.

I agree.

Last funeral I went to was my late (quite religious and very conservative) MILs. It was over 30 degrees and I didn't consider not wearing sandals. I didn't wear black either, just a darkish summer dress.

I didn't get the impression anyone was shocked with my choice of clothes.

Probably, but it would depend on the shoe I suppose. Personally I’d have no more need of a formal flat black shoe in my life than I would a pair of heels.

I think it’s fine. Black sandals with wide trousers may not be particularly formal but they aren’t disrespectful or inappropriate either imo.

Attending is more important than the perfect outfit.