Will my DD aged 18 be mocked for this?

[hippospot]

Or sniggered at, ridiculed or ostracised?

Having unshaved underarms at uni.

She has her own style, quite quirky / dark academia, it really suits her. She's bookish and amazing. Tall and striking. I'm so proud of her.

But when she tried on her prom dress I admit the bushy underarm hair shocks 50-something me. At her age I wouldn't have had the confidence or daring to stand out at all.

I offered to get her a razor in the past and she seemed affronted and insisted she likes her body hair. Her body, her choice. I didn't ever mention it again.

The thing is she's at a selective girls school where there's a fantastic ethos of acceptance, lots of clever girls like her and a lot of neurodiversity. I'm worried her uni experience won't be as accepting. She's going to a traditional Russell group uni this year with a lot of public school types.

I'm conflicted about saying something to her again.

WWYD?

Yes. I love it 😻

The problem with the jeans and trainer look and not caring what you look like isn’t going to do them any good in the long run because how you present yourself is everything when it comes to getting ahead.

People generally don’t care what people wear if they are doing the job. But if you want to get into a better paying position, The same people without realising they are doing it will care what you are wearing

I think the 2 exceptions to this are if you own the company or if you are exceptionally gifted in a certain way that adds 000000’s to the year end balance sheet.

Dd was very capable of a certain role but couldn’t understand why she wasn’t getting the promotion to the higher role .

Took her shopping for good label suits, white and pastel coloured blouses, shoes and discreet accessories. Probably spent 4 figures. Within 6 weeks she was in the higher level position and could pay the out lay back 10 times over
Now she goes out shopping each time she wants to be promoted.

It’s that understanding that companies allow you to dress how you like, but it is ultimately those who conform to a certain look who get on.

I stopped working in 2015 and nobody, including those in the most senior roles, wore suits and blouses back then. I thought that sort of nonsense died out in the 90s.

In some industries it is very much alive

Oh yes but it always has to be mentioned, lest we think she might go to a redbrick or even worse, a former poly! The horror!

I think this must be heavily dependent on the sector you work in - there's absolutely no "dress to impress" culture in my workplace, in fact we specifically tell new joiners there's no dress code and we want people to dress in a way that's authentic to them.

We do occasionally have external meetings etc that are more dress-coded but the younger generation of women I work with are still dressing in a way that's consistent with their general style - typically low/no make-up and more androgenous clothes (eg brogues, trousers, shirt).

Actually we do have one "Group B" young woman in our team who has the nice nails, make up, glossy hair etc but everyone else is "Group A".

Not everyone thinks “getting ahead”, making big bucks and winning the rat-race is everything, though. Some people are happier in careers that mean something to them, contribute something to the lives of others or fulfil their personal passions - and in many of those fields, your colleagues and superiors are also likely to be the kind of people who don’t make professional decisions on the basis of someone’s jacket looking expensive.

You're still incoherent.

Strongly disagree. Armpit hair retains sweat and consequently stinks (not to state the obvious). Nothing to with sexist notions of women being scented, hairless dolls, simply practical. Both sexes need to shave🪒

I agree. What I see is that many people, mainly women, but not only women, are moving away from the "Covid lock down anything will do, there is nothing wrong with jeans and trainers" , look to a much more smartened up look.

But it's smart in a non office way and far more individual than either the corporate suits or the jeans and trainers looks.

@sidebirdsi don’t know a single man that shaves. And quite a few women who don’t shave either. They wash daily and use deodorant snd none stink.

Life is very different at Uni - my daughter had an awful time at school and was bullied, tried desperately to fit in but didn't - got a bit better at college - but at Uni she found her people. At Uni people accept you for who you are - there will be people like your daughter and people that are polar opposite - but they will accept each other and get along great.
Bitchy people who mock others are in the minority and will soon learn their lesson

Do you see the armpits of everyone you know?

She sounds amazing. Show her you're proud by not pulling her up on it/suggesting she change! At uni everyone finds their own crowd, it'll be super liberal and relaxed, more so than any high school. Nobody is really mean to anyone there, if people don't have the same vibe they just have different friends and there's a group of people for anything and everything (I suspect there will be people waaaay more quirky than her). Sure she might find the odd person who doesn't like it, but I doubt it'll bother her and she'll end up surrounding herself with like minded people. Good for her

This is literally the maddest thing I've ever heard. Which men are shaving their pits regularly!?! None of the men I know shave and none of them smell because they're clean and use appropriate products. I barely shave in the winter unless I'm going swimming (I don't particularly like the aesthetic but I don't care if nobody is seeing them other than hubbie/kids). I wash daily and wear deodorant and see zero impact on my hygiene or smell if I've got some fuzz there or not. If it was bad for us, our body wouldn't grow it would it!!!

I didn’t shave mine (tho post menopausally it’s mysteriously disappeared) and neither does my (20s) daughter and most of her friends AFAIK. It does seem fashionable not to shave now, which must be a blessed relief for those wanting fashionable armpits. No one will care about your daughter’s armpits these days, OP.

FWIW I shave and DH does not. DH rarely smells yet i do. I've always thought that was odd. We both shower daily too.

DH is 72 and has a good male friend who is late 60s. His friend waxes EVERYTHING. Don't ask me how i know. (Friend of mine was sleeping with him- he even waxes his balls and crack). I find that odd.

And? OP's daughter doesn't have to please you!

Why is someone amazing because they don't shave their armpits? I think people are getting a wee bit carried away here.

That’s great but I’m single and for my own hygiene and comfort, I prefer not to stink.

Oh come off it. Showers and deoderant are available. Do all men "stink"?!

Muslim men shave their armpits and pubes as it’s sunnah in Islam.

My XH is a Muslim and one thing I can say is he never had any BO despite the fact we lived in 40 degree heat.

I shower twice a day, scrub my armpits during them and use deodorant.

When I have armpit hair, it smells more than without.

No need to be snappy, if your DD prefers to have hairy armpits, then shes entitled to.

It's a bit odd to be fretting about another adult's armpit hair, whether she's your daughter or not.

white and pastel coloured blouses, shoes and discreet accessories. Probably spent 4 figures

I really need to know, in 2026, which industry this is?