I always look scruffy! Help!

[justascruffbag]

I am admittedly time poor with two small children, who are at preschool 3 mornings a week which is when I do housework, sit down, and do a lot of cooking.

In the winter I wear jeans, white t shirt, cashmere jumper and trainers. I have a wax barbour coat which gets used for almost every occasion.

In the summer it's white t shirt and linen wide leg trousers in various shades. I have birkenstocks and a pair of Hermes Oran's.

That all sounds fine on paper but no matter what I always look scruffy. I hate it. I feel like it's all lipstick on a pig if you know what I mean.

My hair never looks right, I'm a really chronic nail biter and this is never going to change, I used to have my nails done religiously (acrylics just short and a nice colour) but I'm trying to reduce my toxic load and that was an easy cut.

I do look better when my hair is blow dried but it always ends up in a ponytail anyway.

Anyway, if you're one of those people who always looks polished - what do you prioritise and how do you fit it in your day?

Its rarely practical for me to shower in the morning which doesn't help either!

Do you have any skin products/make up that make you glow with one all over application? Am I asking for the moon on a stick? 😂

I’m a massive scruff. What has made a difference to my hair is taking a collagen supplement. I only realised when I’d received a few compliments from strangers about my hair (a never event 😂🤦‍♀️)

This. I always look scruffy too. It's my hair, it's kind of wild. Plus I have adhd so always wear an air of chaos. I don't have the energy to fight it anymore!

Which collagen supplement do you take please?

Just get a couple of nice jackets or blouses to throw over things plus a few nice headbands or Alice bands to distract from scruffy hair.

I have ADHD too and “a bit wild and scruffy” has always been my look! It’s not been a barrier to work or friendships so it’s not really a problem once you embrace it I’ve found! I’m by far the scruffiest most chaotic one of my friends but someone has to be.

Brazilian blow dry. It’s not a cheap solution, but an absolute marvel. I’ve not been able to afford one for a bit so it’s top of my birthday list! Keeps hair just looking good. Normally I have to faff with a blow dryer for absolutely ages and I still look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge, with a Brazilian blow dry I can spend literally 7 minutes drying it (yes I’ve timed it) and look like I’ve just left the salon.

Op don’t hate me but I don’t think you can force yourself into polished if you’re scruffy, same way polished people will look like there’s something happening if they aren’t polished! I think it looks wrong, like you’re being something that you’re not

You can use those rotating hairbrushes on dry hair as well as wet hair. They are amazing for getting your hair back into style. They give a blow out look.

You sound like you have a lovely capsule wardrobe. How about adding a pair of gold hoops to scraped back hair? I've found a holy grail in the john frieda smoothing touch up cream, apply first then using a cantu brush scrap back, makes a huge difference.
I'm 38 and found using liquid products on my face made me look fresher. I use a bb cream with a hint of tint to give a glow then the elf contour and blush tubes. Apply it all at the same time and rub in using a foundation brush. Lauren mercier setting powder to stop my mascara leaking onto my eyes.

I second the brows too, every 3 weeks I get my brows tinted and waxed, nails with biab gel and I feel much more put together. 3 years ago I was exactly in your position!

Op what stands out to me is that you always wear a tshirt. Are they ironed? I think T-shirts look very frumpy unless they are a good heavy quality and ironed impeccably. Could you switch the T-shirt for a blouse? There are great non iron tops /blouses.
also, it sounds your hairstyle is not working for you. Get one which is easy to style /requires minimal upkeep.

I think eyebrows make one look more put together. Get yours done, it will probably make the world of difference.

First thing is to make sure your clothes are clean and free of smells, stains, or creases. Wearing your hair in a ponytail is fine if that’s what suits your lifestyle; maybe look at adding a nice hair accessory to elevate it.
A little bit of makeup always helps. I’ve got my routine down to BB cream, eyebrow pencil, mascara, and blush. Only takes a few minutes. Blush is often overlooked but it really makes you look “alive”.
Some simple jewellery will turn any clothing combination into an outfit. A necklace, a nice watch or bracelet, and some earrings will go a long way.
And some perfume if you have a favourite - don’t feel like you have to save it for special occasions.

Eyebrow dying is only temporary. You have to redo every 4 to 6 weeks but I do this and dye my eyelashes and get my brows shaped as it's a manageable amount of time (and so relaxing to just lie down FFS) plus my eyes are sensitive so make up tends to get washed off as they might stream or itch some days.
Sounds like you already have decent clothes. I swear by a good pair of boots (Jones, 2nd hand), a smart jacket (Joules, 2nd hand) and a hat to make me feel tidy. I have a fedora or trilby or something and realised it really suits me and is way better than an umbrella in the rain.
I feel your pain though, I think many of us can relate to this.
Strangely enough the thing that made me stop biting nails was my dental work (very poor teeth). Once I got veneers I was physically unable to bite them. No idea why. I realise that doesn't help anyone 🤣

Scruffy people are nicer people I find (generally speaking), so lean into it - in fact you sound far less scruffy than me and some of my friends so you ma have to up your scruffy game 🤣 I am a real scruff and in my mid-40s I’m just learning to embrace it! Turned up for parents appointment in my jodhpurs straight from riding my horse the other day, didn’t care a jot, and perhaps more importantly neither did anyone else (and it’s a posh Hogwarts sort of school). In fact it sparked a lovely conversation about a shared love of horses with my sons form mistress. The only time I look smart is for weddings and funerals.

So much to say on this as this is/was me! Son 6, daughter 2. Some days I look on point, others I’m an overweight scruff bag clearly not managing!

thoughts/tips:

• don’t be too hard on yourself. Your body and mind is still readjusting to birthing little people. Sounds like you’re coming through that by even asking these questions but it taken me years to refund myself and style. Try to enjoy the process of rediscovery
• my hair is awful since I had children (and went on Mounjaro) I’ve just had it all cut into a v short bob which has helped HUGELY. So quick to style and dry and stops me scraping it up everyday with mad bits sticking out
• have seen a few posts in here that say ironing is the one. Worth a try I guess
• have a session with a stylist in John Lewis-it’s free and you genuinely don’t have to buy anything. I did and it honestly changed my life a bit in terms of confidence boosting and making me feel good
• gold hoops are the one
• your style sounds lovely and high quality brands so I bet others think you look lovely
• i LOVE make up but now stick to what I know works and can be done in under two mins-fab foundation (I’ve tried them all and now go for cheap as chips as find they give the best coverage! Primark annoyingly stopped my shade and now use collection 2000! Had got a touché eclait before this as thought spending more was the answer but it didn’t look as good as cheap brands!). Bright blusher, bronzer for cheek contouring (read stripes) and tube mascara. Done.
• if I could afford it, I’d get my nails done. That to me is where people always look so polished regardless of whether they’re dressed nicely or not. Dunno what you mean about toxic load but I’d say reintroduce it.
• this sounds harsh but if showering in morning is not doable but would make you feel good, set alarm to get up 30 mins earlier. That’s what I do so can be ready by time kids wake up. Doesn’t work every day but 70% of the time it does and I feel better for it

I’m sort of the same as you OP except a few years ahead - early 40s one child at school
another starting next year.
dont be too hard on yourself - the pre school years are tough.
I feel I look a bit more together now.

1. decent haircut. I spent £80 on one a month ago which I feel is a lot (prob not in London) and it was fantastic. So much better.
2. decent skincare. I use Clinique - expensive but my skin looks better and less irritated.
3. have stopped buying crap from H&M. Have bought just a few nice things from Hobbs etc. Vinted as well. Feel I look better plus asked for some nice jumpers for bday. 4)I think lvl lashes look good. Try and do that every now and then. I think I’m getting there. Next step - try to start doing a bit more exercise and tone up a bit.

Another one asking for the collagen recommendation please @Frostynoman ! And how long did it take to work? I am on month 3 of marine collagen.

Are you/your clothes in good repair eg is your hair neat (even if just put into a pony) and no dangling hems etc. I wouldnt have thought debobbling a jumper made that much difference but it really does.

But I ALWAYS look scruffy in loose fighting clothes. I love the baggy jumper look etc but it just makes me look like Ive put in zero effort and like nothing fits. I need structured clothes to look ok. Could that be the same with you?

OP, do you think you OBJECTIVELY look scruffy ,say a person passing by on the street would say that if asked? Or is it your internal feeling of dissatisfaction or tiredness?

Honestly, you sound like you wear a uniform and one for people a fair bit older than you at that - ironed jeans and white shirts to keep says someone in their 50s or 60s. Where is the fun? Where is the colour? I suspect you may be conflating scruffy and boring - if you actually enjoyed what you wore a bit more you might find more of a spring in your step and feel more put together.

No matter what else I’m wearing I always feel a red lipstick makes me look more polished and put together. There is a red out there for everyone. The trick is finding it.

I get the ironing thing for smart clothes, but it won’t make much difference to jeans and jumpers, and with small children there are better things to do with the time. I would be more inclined to make sure that the colours you wear suit you and “lift” your colours. If for example, you suit bright colours, your trusty Barbour might be part of the problem and a different coloured coat or jacket could make a big difference.

Hairwise, this is the perfect time of year for hats! When wavy haired DD was small, I used to put her hair in a pony tail at night with soft rollers in, then redo the pony tail in the morning so that it hung in waves, not fizziness. I have short hair and use dry shampoo at night to add volume if I’m not going to wash my hair in the morning. I also take collagen.

It does make a difference to jeans. Jumpers it really depends, many don’t need it, some a warm iron helps. Arguably there is better things to do with your time with young kids, but I’m not sure bunging a hat on and not ironing is going to help the op 😀

Not only could I be you, OP, I must also be the second poster! I was going to suggest exactly that - lean into wavy hair, eborian cc cream (I’m using the purple radiance one now) and BROWN Lancôme mascara. Only put mascara on the upper eyelashes for a beautiful natural look. I use Benefit bronzer, cheek tint and high beam for a dewy look.

I have a very similar wardrobe to you. What I realised is you look a lot less scruffy if you buy a tapered t-shirt, one that comes in and goes out again slightly - ASOS have loads of them. With a pair of good black leggings and boots/trainers it looks great for casual at the weekend. A blazer also makes everything look less scruffy at work - I often wear blazer, white t shirt, Levi’s properly fitted jeans with a colourful pair of earrings. Jewellery does go a long way to looking less scruffy.

im going to read all the other replies now with interest!

Bit of both I'd say! The hair and nails really do need addressing.

I know everything will come together a bit more after the small children stage. I also have an 'air of chaos' as a pp said up thread!

I always wash my hair at night, gives me enough time to blow dry it properly and still looks good for a few days. Mines is naturally 2a/2b so quite unruly if left to dry naturally and would take 4hrs as it's so thick.

Easy daily make up; tinted serum, concealer, powder foundation (lots of quick, light layers), blusher, lipstain, brow pencil, eyeshadow pencil and mascara. Spritz of perfume.

I have built up a raft of regular beauty treatments than get done every month without fail which is pricy but worth it to make me feel put together. Nails, Roots, Brazilian wax, lash lift and brow wax and tint.