I always look scruffy! Help!

[justascruffbag]

I am admittedly time poor with two small children, who are at preschool 3 mornings a week which is when I do housework, sit down, and do a lot of cooking.

In the winter I wear jeans, white t shirt, cashmere jumper and trainers. I have a wax barbour coat which gets used for almost every occasion.

In the summer it's white t shirt and linen wide leg trousers in various shades. I have birkenstocks and a pair of Hermes Oran's.

That all sounds fine on paper but no matter what I always look scruffy. I hate it. I feel like it's all lipstick on a pig if you know what I mean.

My hair never looks right, I'm a really chronic nail biter and this is never going to change, I used to have my nails done religiously (acrylics just short and a nice colour) but I'm trying to reduce my toxic load and that was an easy cut.

I do look better when my hair is blow dried but it always ends up in a ponytail anyway.

Anyway, if you're one of those people who always looks polished - what do you prioritise and how do you fit it in your day?

Its rarely practical for me to shower in the morning which doesn't help either!

Do you have any skin products/make up that make you glow with one all over application? Am I asking for the moon on a stick? 😂

Ironing. I know it’s unfashionable and nobody irons any more but it really does just make things look better. I do it when the kids sleep and it’s th time I allow myself trash tv.

I have wavy/curly hair. I’ve leaned into it and let it be wild. But to balance everything else has to be semi polished. Eyebrows shaped and dyed, euborian cc cream (although rumour has it they recently changed the formula), Lancôme mascara and a lip balm/oil/something.

Nail biting is so hard to break the habit as an adult but so worth it. I’m afraid I can’t give you any tips though.

I think they're great tips thank you! I'm not very beauty treatment educated honestly so eyebrow shaping or permanent dying hadn't crossed my mind!

I do have nice skincare but it's not enough as I approach my 40s chronically sleep deprived.

I actually love ironing and will definitely iron any going out clothes, but not so much the school run/shopping... But maybe that's where I'm going wrong as that's the majority of the time feeling lacklustre.

I don't disagree with ironing but I'm lazy, so more often than not I use a hand held steamer rather than ironing. It's enough for all but the most stubborn of creases, or if you need to iron pleats etc. Being crease-free makes a huge difference.

Also - if showering at night works better for you then fine, but quickly use the straighteners or a Babyliss Big Hair in the morning, or whatever works best for your style, just to tidy it back up a bit after sleeping. I wake up like Worzel Gummidge and it's not a great look!

Do you blow dry it when the hair is already dry? Or do you re-wet it? I have a revlon one step which is great.

I mean the one thing that would make the difference is presumably showering in the morning? You won't look polished if you've not got ready for the day yet. Or do you mean you shower at night and just wash in the morning?

Use the nail biting deterrent polish. If you used to always have acrylics you must be able to resist biting your nails. If I don't have time to do my hair I feel more polished when I scrape my hair into a cool-girl/clean girl bun and wear gold earrings. Glycolic acid and/or retinol at night (alternating, not on the same night) has been the best thing for glowing skin, and a good moisturiser.

Eyebrow shaping does make a difference. Also, think what is the one piece of makeup that would make the most difference to your look. If you are pale, it could be mascara to give your eyes more definition. If you are dark, maybe a slick of lipstick that makes you look put together, if you have uneven skin tone or texture, maybe a bit of light foundation. Add that one thing.

I like the sound of your look btw - if you are wearing good cashmrere sweaters in colours that suit you and nice trainers and well fitting jeans, you probably look far more gorgeous than you think. If not - just upgrade your everyday look: better fit jeans or linen trousers, stylish trainers, good colour and cut for the sweaters.

When you said two small children - I immediately thought of my mother, at that stage, and we did have lots of conversations while she was standing at an ironing board! Though it was probably mostly late Sunday afternoons.

It doesn’t sound as if your hairstyle is working for you. Go back and get one that does.

Your wardrobe sounds enviably organised - but more exciting outerwear might elevate things. A big furry MaxMara coat in a noticeable colour, or a suede bomber jacket.

Thinking about it, I’m not sure you need wear yourself out trying to look bland and neat if that doesn’t come naturally. Maybe what you’re actually craving is something a little less … rigid? A raggedy hem or mismatched colour scheme? A mustard cable knit and purple tweed?

Also, whatever happened to that nasty tasting stuff I used to paint on my nails as a tween? I was a chronic nail biter until it cured me of the habit. Surely it’s still sold?

Thank you! Good tip re bun and earrings.

Yes, I have a full shower with hair wash before bed and a quick wash in the morning. I don't like it but at the moment it takes some stress out of mornings with the kids.

My cleans girl buns are always bumpy... Maybe I need to watch some tutorials.

Hair is absolutely lacking, I have an appointment on Saturday thankfully. First one for 6 months.

I had to pair down my wardrobe as I actually do have a very eclectic taste and no continuity of thought so my wardrobe was unwearable 😂 so now I have less that kind of all goes together.

I need some updated pieces for sure though, a good coat and some better fitting/fashionable jeans.

I prefer scruffy people... I used to work in fashion and polished people were always less friendly and genuine.
Roll with it.

I'll always be scruffy at heart 😊

Why don’t you go for a slightly more grungy / smoky makeup look? And use some chunky layered jewellery. Sometimes an edgier look suits people better who look a bit more wild or ungroomed. Personally I love a slightly more edgy look. Try it.

Yes, what @ticktockitsNCtime said!! I’m not one of natures soignee people. My hair looks shit if I wash it more than every 4-6 days, I can’t do grown-up makeup for toffee (and have eyelids which melt off any nice shading in 45 mins anyway), my shoes scuff instantly…
HOWEVER I like clothes, I enjoy bold looks, so I lean into a slightly rocky, mildly dishevelled but a bit elegant and bold kind of look- black
eyeliner, bright red lipstick, shaggy hair. But the key thing for me is actually actively liking at least one thing I’m wearing- a great jumper, a brilliant shirt, fab boots. I cant keep a white tee looking crisp, so I don’t try.
Your look already sounds way more polished than mine! I suspect pre-kids you were gorgeously put together, so the kids impact feels big!

You (might) only like one thing in an outfit, @ScratchedSkirtings?

I’m wondering how you end up with things in your wardrobe you’re not madly in love with?

Haha I was definitely a bit more polished, but I've always been on the scruffier end of the spectrum!

I think I've gone for this kind of uniform way of dressing simply because I have so little time to think, I need to be able to just put clothes on and look nice enough. I'm also still in the sticky hands phase of children.

The eldest goes to school next year, maybe I'll have more time to experiment then (wishful thinking?)

I have one of those too but prefer the Babyliss for blow drying to get a bit of body into my thin hair, and then I just straighten the ends as I like a blunt bob. Yes I would still just smooth it out with the revlon when it's already dry - it works quite well.

Oh god, curly hair is such a massive scruffifier (made up word). Especially as you hit perimenopause and your previous curls become greying frizz. You can't even straighten it any more, because you murder it with the heat.

So in the absence of Good Hair, I would say eyebrows are a big thing. I only discovered this too late. Add definition to your face. If, like me, you have crappy sparse fair lashes and mascara ends up all over your eyelids and cheeks, get them tinted. Define your eyes. Have a good skincare regime which enhances your glow - facial oils are good for this. Dull skin makes me look even scruffier.

Well I can’t say I’m madly in love with every pair of tights or plain basic I own, and in the doldrums of kids sometimes it’s a case of pulling on the leggings and loving the jumper! Ideally you love all
of it, obvs!
re how do you come to own stuff you don’t like much… practical purchases made in despair? Also
sometimes things do
decay a bit, there’s that period between “great” and “bin”…

Quality is key and effective self-grooming is essential. Don't compromise. But whilst you are subject to sticky hands, choose easy to wash cotton/linen and even silk or wool (lambswool can be as soft as cashmere).
As PPs suggest:
Find a dependable hair solution - sounds like you are working towards that.
Sort your fingernails - like hair and skincare this is crucial since nothing undermines the overall effect like poor self-grooming.
Smart bag in good condition for your essentials - many people like a massive shopper/tote but I think an interesting med-sized bag is better.
Keep going with your good quality basics in coordinating colours - that is a great foundation - add a luxe or quirky scarf? Lots of people choose a 'uniform' (capsule wardrobe) to save time/sanity.
Make sure you are wearing basic but quality jewellry - nice pearl studs or chunky medium sized earrings/bracelet - whatever suits your general style. OR use interesting jewellry to give your outfit the extra kick that shows you did it all on purpose.

Think about your style role models, either celeb or RL; what makes them role models and how can you follow suit.

You can be polished without being soul-less. Your clothes/accesories can be scruffy and charming (we all know a millionaire in well-worn Tods) but your person should not be - effective grooming is essential.

I don’t know how long your hair is but I use a heatless curling rod, not very glamourous, but I Get up, take it out brush it through and my hair is done for the day,

and I’d second ironing, we have a steamer too. But it doesn’t do the same job as an iron however works for freshening things up. I lost weight, bought all new clothes via vinted and I now iron everything, it looks so much better,and makes such a big difference,

I’m another one who rarely has time to shower and wash hair in the mornings.

I have a bath before bed and tie hair up. I wash my hair twice a week and find time to do a decent blow dry so that it looks decent for 3-4 days with just a quick blast of top layers occasionally if needed. I have eyebrows shaped and brows and lashes tinted every month. Wear tinted moisturiser and tinted lip balm which takes second to apply in the mornings. I’ve also abandoned gel nails but I have a gadget which shapes them which I use once a week and then apply a conditioning light nail polish in neutral colours. This is the thing I mean amzn.eu/d/9GqMPoa

Your clothes sound fine but I agree ironing or steaming would help and make sure the T shirts are heavy enough cotton and that you spot treat any spills as they happen.

It honestly sounds like it wouldn’t take much to elevate you from fine to polished!

I have a Coach Tabby for nicer occasions and an LV neverfull for all the mum stuff. I could definitely, definitely improve my jewellery.

I think self grooming is totally the issue, in my twenties and early thirties (I'm 38) it was enough to be clean and moisturised but it's not cutting the mustard these days and my grooming routine hasn't changed!

Very interested in this gadget! Having snags on my nails is a big trigger for nail biting.

I have horribly greasy hair so I have to wash it quite often!

Getting a manicure is a great way to start taking care of your nails. For me it’s the psychological aspect of having done something nice so I don’t want to ruin it and then before I know it I have nice nails. Wear earrings like small gold hoops, wear trainers or boots that make a statement. Hoff trainers are very comfortable and they have fantastic colours.