I need a whole make over prompted by a neighbour.

[fishtank12345]

Hello

I am 40, I look crap now due to daily stress (autistic kids) and chronic illness (cfs mainly )

Neighbour had not seen me in a while as we are out at different times and straight away said I Iooked pale, and I did look like crap as I had not worn much make up as I was just too exhausted and tired and stress.

I am working on my diet now, have about 3 st to lose. I am an apple shape so its all belly.

I look pale and worn out, my eyelids have drooped it seems giving me a tired look, my exterior used to not match how I was feeling inside as much.

I need the belly gone, I am growing my grey hair out as I cant cope with colouring (chemical sensitivity) and I know I need to get to the hairdresser as I cant have it past shoulder without it looking bedraggled lol, need a few inches off.

Dd12 also thinks I look crap and I have been hearing that for a while she said I should get a fringe but I cant probably style it every day.

Need a low maintenance cut that's shoulder length, even then I have no idea how to wear my hair so I wear it up or stick a headband on, which I don't think I suit anymore.

I don't even know how to dress anymore either as I love jersey dresses for daily wear but tights are uncomfy around my belly, so I end up in leggings which don't flatter me as they are baggy around the ankles as I have thin legs but need buy a 20 for the belly.

Make up, I have always been crap at, I buy one of the lightest shades as I am pale naturally, but I just look washed out now and with black under eye bags due to exhaustion. I have never been good at eye make up and my lashes look non existent due to the fact they are thin and short and straight but my eyes look bald lol

So I need comfy but still cute clothing and make up ideas I guess.

Any tips most welcome. Thank you.

Oh also my foundation which I need as my skin is not good, sits cakey even though I don't use much, I use a vit c serum(simple) and a rich moisturiser (simple) and face don't feel dry but its cakey, maybe its chalky, I am using the loreal match foundation. I don't think its suiting me.

YouTube is great for make up tutorials.

Get the basics right - go to bed early, eat healthy food, go for a walk every day.

Thanks, I guess I just assumed youtube tutorials would be too advanced or too much for me. If that makes sense. I need a simple healthy glow look, maybe that is what I type in lol

I am totally there with you and I find the way people react very differently if I have not put makeup on very insulting 😆I have started trying to build in a few things I actually enjoy, like baths & moisturiser, nails. I think finding a good tinted moisturiser is maybe the way forward - I love the Chartlotte Tilbury ones, maybe a good thing to put on your xmas list depending on budget. Can you find a day to go shopping for a few clothes in person? Its hard to find the time but I have sat in a coffee shop window, peoplewatched and made a note of what other people are wearing that I liked and then gone round the shops with that inspiration in mind (used to do this with magazines but they seem rubbish now?) Remember it doesn’t really matter what anyone else is thinking. Focus on making yourself feel good, and the things you like about yourself. That tends to get me on an upward spiral whereas listening to others or comparing myself puts me on a downward spiral. Good luck!

I think the foundation is probably cakey looking because you need to exfoliate. Don’t use a harsh scrub but buy either a glycolic acid cleanser or a gentler pha cleanser and then use your vit c and a moisturiser. I think the foundation will look a lot better, also maybe try a tinted moisturiser instead. I like a hyaluronic acid serum too, it really makes a difference on my dry skin.

I would suggest you take a beauty afternoon for yourself OP, get a massage, get your hair done - look at some new clothes.

Then try to take time for yourself every day.

When I was 16 stone, with a big belly I discovered maternity tights. They have a panel in the front and come up very high so they don’t keep rolling down.

I found them brilliant so give them a try .
I found dresses to be more flattering .

I use a base facial oil instead of a moisturizer now. It hydrates my skin and the foundation looks much better. A proper facial oil shouldn't be too oily/greasy and there are a few reasonable ones out there. I also heard about using an aquaphor stick under the eyes before putting on concealer to keep it smoother. It does seem to help. Also could you buy an inexpensive gradual tanner? This could help give you a nice glow and should last you a while 🌟

Agree with @Gervhill a good glycolic will help smooth your skin, the Ordinary do a good one and nip + fab one that's a bit more potent depending on what your skin can take.

I'm also pale and rate a face tan mist. It takes the edge off the paleness and softens the contrast between dark under eyes and pale skin. Key is a light touch with it. I use St Tropez face mist all over but only three sprays every few days or I've got a Garnier one I spray on a big fluffy brush and sweep over where I would use a bronzer.

I've just had a fringe cut in, which is been avoiding for a while as I also thought I wouldn't have time to sort it but it's been fine. I use a spray bottle and the Dyson round brush attachment on the air wrap (I wouldn't recommend spending that sort of money but there are loads of small round brush driers), takes one minute. Two if I do the shorter layers at the front, which I do if I'm clipping my hair up. Add some earrings and looks like it's much more of a considered look than it is!

You sound like you've got a lot on your plate, so lets see what we can do to help you feel better.
I am also very pale and I think stress and tiredness shows up worse for us!

Few things to try:

• figure out what colours suit you. I always used to wear black next to my face and it drained me. If you google 'colour analysis quiz' you might be able to figure this out.
• have a look for comfy trousers/leggings if thats what you like - Next actually have some jegging- style stuff in at the moment that you might really like, and wide leg soft trousers you could pair with jersey tops if you feel like trying something new.
• foundation sits horrible on me, but all makeup does unless I drink lots of water! How much are you drinking at the moment, could you do with increasing?
• I often wear just a bit of concealer and then a powder, but NYX do a 'Bare With Me Concealer serum' which they do in very pale colours and a tiny bit goes a very long way if you use a beauty sponge (I only use a cheap one) and I've used that as a foundation just on the spots that are a bit uneven!
• what do you use on lips/cheeks? A dab of blusher and a tinted lip almost always make me look more alive, I need colour bringing to my face.

What’s your budget OP? Skys the limit when it comes to makeovers but an approx budget will help us target recommendations.

Starting with free/ very cheap stuff

• drink a shed load of water each day
• go on a walk every day
• sleep 8 hours or more
• make sure your clothes are clean and ironed with any holes sown up and bobbles shaved off.

Good point, I do not exfoliate at all! Thanks.

I think I will try and do this at the weekend. Take a day and buy some things. Thanks.

Oh that's an excellent idea, thank you!

Thank you for the advice, I mostly wear black! I guess its because I was just trying to blend in, if that makes sense. I like next, I will have a look in there too.

Lots of good people on TikTok do makeup tutorials for our age

I would try tirtir foundation it comes in a cute little container with an applicator and is a completely different formulation to traditional foundation. I find it super easy to apply and get it looking right. I think they are giving away free samples at the moment to get your shade right but careful there's no delivery fee. They sell it on the Sephora app and also elf make up is great not terribly expensive.

I paid for a body shape and colour analysis a year ago which came with membership to a face book group. It was all done online with pictures and its been so helpful helping me find some lovely products and clothes after being in a rut after having DD.

Also, get yourself to a make up counter for a make over. Choose one with products in your budget ans be specific about what you want e.g “ A fresh day look to brighten my eyes that I can recreate for no more than £50”

I won't give any advice on clothing cause it's not my expertise but I will come in on the makeup. When I (also v pale) need to look a few steps further from death's door I find the two most important things are undereye concealer and a bit of blush. I'll list the steps in order of importance to looking healthy and you can carry on down the list until you CBA anymore. I'll also give a buget and spendy recommendation.

1. Undereye concealer (Collection or IT cosmetics)
2. Blush (if you're struggling with cakiness a cream or liquid tint might be a good shout, I like Catrice or Benefit)
3. Mascara (Essence or Lancome)
4. Eyebrow gel (ELF or whatever is cheapest they get grotty and need chucked every few months, a cool tone will probably be best if you're growing out your greys)
5. Tinted lip balm/lip crayon (Burts Bees, MAC)
6. BB cream ir tinted moisturiser rather than foundation (Missha or Pixie)
7. Bronzer, again a cool tone is likely a good call if your pale plus you can use it to slightly contour and add to your eye crease if you're feeling fancy (Catrice or Fenty).

8.Face powder (Catrice/ELF or Hourglass)

1. A setting spray to melt in powder and fight cakiness (ELF the black bottle or MAC Fix+)

Invest in a purple shampoo conditioner to keep your grey hair looking bright and shiney.

What kind of shampoo are you using? I have lighter brown hair and my hairdresser recommended a 'blonding' shampoo. I use the John Frieda go blonder shampoo/condit. and it makes the grey/white look a bit blond so overall my hair just looks 'lighter'. If you have v. dark hair, I know many ladies on MN swear by caffein shampoo (Plantur?) to darken their grey naturally.

What about your skin makes you feel like you need foundation? Because I’d try to remedy that through high quality skin care rather than wearing foundation. Get yourself a good evening and morning skincare routine and that will feel like a bit of a self-care treat as well as fixing your skin. Use retinol once or twice a week.

Then all you need is a good concealer, blush, bronzer, eyelash curler and mascara. Go to a large department store and get the MA’s from the different brands to try their products on you and colour match you.

Start taking high quality vitamins. Vitamin D for sure and you’re probably low on iron as most of us are so pick up some iron tablets too.

Then I agree with all the PP’s, 8 hours sleep, lots of water, and a nice walk every day. Try to stay away from alcohol and too many processed foods if you can.

If you’re very pale, have you had your iron levels checked?

When you are wearing make-up make sure you use blusher as it will warm you up. I’m pale and use Boots No7 blusher, it’s buildable so you don’t end up with aunt Sally rosy cheeks!

Put together a little beauty kit you can easily access for when you’re resting but feel up to pampering yourself: magnifying mirror, tweezers, eyebrow comb, hand cream, under eye patches (pixi ones are good) and anything else you can thing of.

Don't wear black, find some colours that lift your complexion.

💐 I could have written your OP myself @fishtank12345, practically word for word. I’m sorry you are feeling like this but it’s so lovely that people are coming up with positive suggestions.

I’ll be watching this with interest and wish you luck feeling better in yourself. It’s so incredibly hard to remember or even be able to make time for yourself when you have children who continue to need extra support as they grow older 💐

My hair is salt and peppery, so still lots of brown but so many grey patches its really noticeable but its all blending in if that makes sense. It is lighter looking so that could be a good idea, I am currently using an aveeno one that has apple cider vinegar in. Dry scalp.