I need a whole make over prompted by a neighbour.

[fishtank12345]

Hello

I am 40, I look crap now due to daily stress (autistic kids) and chronic illness (cfs mainly )

Neighbour had not seen me in a while as we are out at different times and straight away said I Iooked pale, and I did look like crap as I had not worn much make up as I was just too exhausted and tired and stress.

I am working on my diet now, have about 3 st to lose. I am an apple shape so its all belly.

I look pale and worn out, my eyelids have drooped it seems giving me a tired look, my exterior used to not match how I was feeling inside as much.

I need the belly gone, I am growing my grey hair out as I cant cope with colouring (chemical sensitivity) and I know I need to get to the hairdresser as I cant have it past shoulder without it looking bedraggled lol, need a few inches off.

Dd12 also thinks I look crap and I have been hearing that for a while she said I should get a fringe but I cant probably style it every day.

Need a low maintenance cut that's shoulder length, even then I have no idea how to wear my hair so I wear it up or stick a headband on, which I don't think I suit anymore.

I don't even know how to dress anymore either as I love jersey dresses for daily wear but tights are uncomfy around my belly, so I end up in leggings which don't flatter me as they are baggy around the ankles as I have thin legs but need buy a 20 for the belly.

Make up, I have always been crap at, I buy one of the lightest shades as I am pale naturally, but I just look washed out now and with black under eye bags due to exhaustion. I have never been good at eye make up and my lashes look non existent due to the fact they are thin and short and straight but my eyes look bald lol

So I need comfy but still cute clothing and make up ideas I guess.

Any tips most welcome. Thank you.

Thank you that is very helpful. I am going to go and get some bits this weekend. Trying some new products is needed, also need book the hairdresser lol

Oh I’ve thought of something else I have in my kit for when I feel like I’m looking a bit pale and tired….

https://www.boots.com/sun-bum-original-glow-spf30-lotion-59ml-10322411?traffic=paid.shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23163058314&gbraid=0AAAAA-AdmwT9b7ehGCWPEhUtp44p4y4w9&gclid=Cj0KCQiAq7HIBhDoARIsAOATDxB1z8tgbhCQi_8QHtRBnJwwCxXxnuX_VKVSM4UgtgvaqnnTXnHa_3IaAp2XEALw_wcB

It’s a tinted SPF that gives a lovely dewy bit of colour to the skin.

First of all no one looks immaculate all of the time so go easy on yourself. That being said there are some tweaks you can make which will make a huge difference.

Appearance depends on a whole vast array of variables, some have a bigger impact on your overall look than others, get the right and you’ll see results fast. I’m like a broken record on posts like yours because I tend to say the same things, but they do work so here goes…

Drink plenty of water, a minimum of 3 litres per day, ideally more. Cut out energy drinks, reduce excessive teas and coffee, reduce alcohol consumption (it’s terrible for health, looks and mental health)

Add more fruits and vegetables to your diet, assess every food choice if it’s not great

Work on optimising your sleep, no devices before bed.

Take a multivitamin and extra vitamin c

Double cleanse at night and use a glycolic toner every other day (the Ordinary 7% is incredible) use a good moisturiser and eye cream.

Maybe avoid foundation for now until your skin is exfoliated properly

Get your brows shaped/ threaded frequently

Book that haircut

Clean Your jewellery and have a manicure pedicure

If you have nose piercing or more than one ear piercing -reconsider them. Opt for simple diamond studs or simple hoops

Treat yourself to a lipstick in a complimentary colour that suits you

Get out for a walk every day, fresh air does everyone good

If you’re a smoker or vaper give them up, truly horrendous for your wellbeing.

Nivea blue pot in evenings and just let it soak in before bed
evening primrose tablets -1000 mg a day- not expensive
2 L water a day and a couple of green teas
this gives me glowier, hydrated skin and make up sits better
don’t use foundation but eborian cc cream
and every other day I use st moritz gradual facial self tan - never patchy but gives a more alive appearance as it’s gradual

Try Wayne Goss on YouTube for make up tips, he’s brilliant

If ironing has fallen off the list of things that you've got time for get a handheld steamer, then just hang whatever you want to wear on a hanger on a hook on your bedroom door and give it a steam, it's not perfection but it's far better than not ironing at all and only takes seconds.

My hair is dark brown with some greys and I use a colour conditioner from Superdrug, it gradually builds up over a few weeks and blends them in and is much easier than proper colouring.

Clear nail polish and short nails is an easy and quick improvement.

I second the nivea blue pot. I apply it 2/3 times a day, dont forget the neck and chest!. Rosemary oil is good after a face scrub, i use St Ives, gentle on the skin and quite cheap.

I use No 7 Renewal face cream and serum, its lovely.

I havent used foundation or concealer in about 10 years. While ive got a tan, its just bronzer and some blush. No 7 stay perfect mascara, its tubing so doesnt smudge and quite natural looking. Eyebrows make a huge difference to your face, just lots of practice! I barely bother with lipstick.

Invest in a good pair of leggins, ive got spanx ones and they are amazing, as are there jeans! Order some stuff from Next online and then you can try on at home!

Good luck.

Just wanted to echo the posters recommending you drink more water. Drink drink and then drink some more.

No amount of makeup will hide tried, dehydrated skin - it will make it look worse, as you're describing with the cakey foundation.

So focus on hydrating the skin properly first (with water, I like HA too) - and once you have a better base to work with, I would stick with simple things like a tinted moisturiser, and some light eyebrow pencil / blush.

For clothes, take a test to see what colours suit you and what doesn't - take this advice! When we're feeling down in our appearance we tend to stick to dark colours like black, which will make you look even more washed out.

Could you afford to have a personal shopper session? They can help you pick out a few staples for your wardrobe - a nice pair or jeans, tops, and jumpers / a coat that flatter you.

Once you have these basics, it becomes really easy to throw together a decent outfit in only a few minutes.

If you are able to cut out as much ultra processed foods as possible this will reduce the inflammation in your body and should really help with mood, skin, weight loss and energy. Ditto exercise although as you have CFS you obviously need to be careful with this, go really gently and listen to your body. Good quality sleep is also super important so look up “sleep hygiene” and try to work on one or two of these factors if you can.

Also consider a lash lift and tint, brightens my face especially on days i cant be bothered with make up. Darker lashes = no need for mascara

I could have written your post last year OP because it is exactly how I was feeling. I was tired, pale, frumpy and felt rubbish. I'm still pale (always will be!) but I have really put a bit of effort into self care this year and I feel a thousand times better than I did.

The biggest changes I made were:

Drinking water and taking a good multivitamin every day. I keep a 2 litre jug in the fridge of tap water and I have to drink all of it each day. I'll also have a peppermint tea before bed every night as that helps too.

Find a simple skincare routine and stick to it. For me that is vitamin c serum and spf in the morning and a cleanse, tone, moisturise routine at night. For the toning step I alternate a hyaluronic acid toner one night and an acid exfoliating one the next.

Because of the water and skincare I find less is more with my make-up and I don't use foundation at all because it feels too heavy. I have a really basic five item makeup routine that I do every morning without fail after done my skincare and brushed my teeth. I use:

Tinted moisturiser on face - Erborian CC cream

Tinted lip balm - No7 hydraluminous

Blush - Benefit Dandelion

Mascara - L'Oréal Paradise

Eyebrow gel - Elf

That routine takes me two minutes including then brushing my hair and spritzing some perfume but makes me feel so much better.

Get into walking if you can. Just put a podcast on and head out of the door into the fresh air. I view it as me-time.

I introduced an "everything shower" at the weekend this year and it has made a huge difference to how I feel. I will lock myself in the bathroom once a week for half an hour, put on some music and I do a hair mask, shave, body scrub, lotion....the works. I have a little basket with all of my "everything shower" stuff so it's easy to grab and I know I have everything I need. I don't use any expensive products for this, just whatever smells nice and makes me feel good.

Finally.....donate, chuck or sell any clothes that you don't feel good in. I was living in leggings and fleeces that didn't flatter me and made me feel crap and frumpy. Get rid of them. I have dramatically reduced how many clothes I have but it's better to have a tiny capsule wardrobe of items you like and feel good in then a full wardrobe of clothes that make you feel rubbish but you keep reaching for because they're easy.

Are you sure a shorter cut wouldn't suit you? A pixie cut can take years off if done well, and if you decide you don't like it, it's a good time of year to wear a hat until it grows out!

I had the same problem with L'Oréal True Match foundation. It was just highlighting my fine lines. I switched to their True Serum instead and found it much better.

What is your diet like?

No make up is going to make a difference if you don’t overhaul what you eat. 40 is young.

Wow so many great replies and advice I have found this so encouraging are really helpful. I do not drink enough water and I scroll at bedtime on my phone ....diet is getting better adding more fruit and veg past few days, less sugar ( I have had a comfort eating problem for around 4 years now)

Thank you, excellent advice will take it on board.

Definitely agree with all this. Thank you.

Booked hair appointment tomorrow so.. let's see what I end up with lol.

I will definitely get a colour test done didnt even think of that.

Also going to boots tonight for help lol.

Its getting better. Its been bad for around 4 years. Then stress started me on a bad comfort eating cycle. Trying to get myself out of that mindset.

Great tips here. Possibly already mentioned but in the Boots with beauty counters the staff are really helpful.Ive had good help picking shades and products previously. They are knowledgeable about the skincare too.Quality is good and the deals mean it doesn't end up too expensive.

I love the idea of your Everything Shower @GameOfJones

Clothes: you sound like you have the same body shape as me. Day to day I live in Sweaty Betty leggings which are a whole other level to normal leggings. They are really stretchy and non see through meaning you can find a size somewhere in between the smallness of your legs and the biggerness(?!) of your belly and they will shrink to the legs and stretch to the belly, no bagging. They are pricey but if you work out what size works you can buy them in the sale (they often go down to £30 a pair online) or on vinted. And they last so much longer than a cheap cotton mix pair.

i wear them with an oversize sweater ontop. Look for styles that are drop shoulder so they look nice and sloppy - baggy around the arms and stomach but fitted around the cuffs. Topshop do a good version that is on asos, I’ll attach a picture.

on your feet, Adidas SI 72s.

this is my uniform, in difference colours and combos. It’s not going to set the world on fire but also looks fashionable enough to make me feel good about myself x

Hi OP, seeing some similarities in your post with me LOL!
Here are my ideas:

Skincare: TK Maxx have lots of fab brands at decent prices
Drink water
Take a multi vitamin
Try and get out for a walk
Exfoliate

Make up:
Rimmel lasting finish applied with a brush and Maybelline eraser concealer work for me.
Cream blush on cheekbones and a touch on lips with a bit of clear gloss
Tidy, dyed brows.
Dyed eyelashes, worth a lash lift as well.
Essence false lashes mascara

Hair: get a decent cut

Clothes:
Find a comfy go to outfit. I wear a lot of Matalan jeggings and bengaline trousers with looser tops as they suit my lifestyle and apple shape.

My friend age 39 has 2 autistic children she doesn’t even have time to wash her hair some days and her diet was shot mainly due to time restraints. She started with a hair cut to her shoulders and a fringe, she can get away with a towel dry and a quick blast on her fringe if she needs to and sometimes clips the back of her her hair up but with the fringe makes it look softer. She is using Plantur shampoo which has made a notable difference.
She has daily vitamins and uses miceller water with a muslin cloth as it’s easier than remembering to exfoliate, Nivea face cream and put some glow drops in her foundation. She has a soft crayon that does her cheeks and lips.

You could really see the difference within a few weeks and she said she is eating better because she is now feeling better. As it happens she already always wears maternity jeggings / trousers/ tights. Sorry it’s a long post but her changes were minimal.