How not to look old at the wedding

[Abotitbotinot]

My younger DB is getting married to someone 20 years younger. Yes, let’s not go there. They are both adults and are happy.

I know it’s not about me but I’m in my early 50s and the bride’s friends will all be in their twenties. How do I look more like the bride’s husband’s sister without looking like a) mutton dresses as lamb b) the bride’s husband’s aged aunt?

I take care of myself but I don’t dress from fashion outlets which probably does lump me in the middle aged mum category. I don’t have grey hair but my hairstyle might need updating but I cannot get to grips with curling my hair, I’m useless with tongs/irons/whatever.

It’s a December wedding so I need both a good coat, something for the reception and something for the evening as well.

Posting this now while there’s still time for an intervention.

Are you on Instagram? If so, go and look at the account for thisgoeswiththataust the owner of the page is 55 and a sizs 16/18. She always looks stunning and wears everything with such confidence. It could help you to narrow down a look.

Also, natashagan, she has wonderful clothes for women of a similar age for weddings. Better still, you can send her your measurements and have things fit to size at no extra cost. Great for someone like me who is a 15/16 on top, according to her and a 14 on the bottom. I’m short, so she shortens all my hems too. Her stuff is really reasonably priced too and she will post worldwide.

If you scroll through some of her past stuff, you’ll see customer wedding photos. A lot are the same 2-4 great styles that are very forgiving and flattering, done in different fabrics.

Really? You think nobody has any interest in looking beyong Hobbs and Phase 8? I'd never heard of Kindred until about a year ago when someone mentioned it on S&B

Fair enough not to like it but why are you so incensed that brands like Kindred, Alémais are mentioned?

TrickedByadoughnut Same here! The cut and material used on more expensive clothing seems to skim past any wobbly bits! My DD is getting married soon ,and I have a Mint Velvet dress and hat .Little extra height as quite short .Jacket as well.I would always pick a dress over trousers though but Im late 50s and a little traditional.

Agree. The OP has a decent budget and shouldn't be made to feel otherwise.

I went to a very posh wedding last November and wore a bottle green velvet jumpsuit and dark plum cape. Got both in the sales and felt amazing. My shoes were from Vinted (new) and I don't think I've ever had so many compliments. I felt great.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain didn’t say “nobody” but anyone who frequents S&B will know that you tend to recommend the same styles and brands regardless of the OP.

You then get snotty with posters who recommend anything outwith your preferences, with a particular fixation on the apparent horrors of Phase 8. I mean I don’t much like it either but you’d think their CEO broke into your house on Christmas eve and set fire to your presents the way you go on.

I’m not going to suggest what to wear (I’m definitely a high street shopper on a low budget, although I like a couple of pp suggestions of velvet jumpsuit) but I thought I’d suggest some of the “prep” work.
Go to the hairdresser to discuss a restyle and get tips on how to style it yourself at home and then practice.
Go to Boots or a department store and get some skin care and makeup advice if you think you could do with an update.
Maybe an underwear refresh too? A well fitted, supportive and flattering bra makes all the difference to how you look and feel.
What you wear on top probably doesn’t matter so much once you’re feeling confident and comfortable in yourself.

@MeAndMyGhost I heard about 100 stars on here and saw some items from them in a shop in the Cotswolds which were lovely.
I have bought something from them to wear at a wedding this summer where I wanted to look a bit more contemporary than usual so I think that could be a good call for @Abotitbotinot .

Thank you. That’s it exactly.

I agree that a great coat is a red-herring - its whats under that will be seen for 95% of the day and night. However I do think that winter is great as all the young'uns wont be flouncing all their toned flesh around in spaghetti strapped skinny dresses.....

I agree with the hair and make-up update (I did this recently with an appointment at Trinny London - subtle but very important changes make me feel much more confident and contemporary) - and the personal shopper. Avoid any frocks from Phase Eight, Hobbs and Monsoon.

Thank you! I’ll check her out.

The other thing to consider is that I am similar in age to the bride’s mother - who might be on MN for all we know - so I definitely do not want anything too weddingy and too formal. Something nice, smart, something I can relax in and something I can dance in.

I haven’t worn a jumpsuit yet. I tried one on once in M&S and it looked amazing from the front but not from the side. I also would worry about going to the loo.

I like some of the coats/jackets and waistcoats here:

https://www.shibumistyle.com/

Ignore the fact it says 'Mother of the Bride/Groom' !

I think they could dress up a good pair of trousers or a simple dress but also wear with jeans.

For my 50th I wore a jumpsuit and totally rocked it. It was only a fiver from vinted. Im a size 14 (was a 16 but have been intermittent fasting for 4 months and it's gently gone)

Will your own mother (or father) be at the wedding, @Abotitbotinot?

It’s … disconcerting to see you constantly downplaying both your own attractiveness and your role in the event.

I'm off to a wedding soon and plan to wear a £6 dress from a charity shop! It's nicer and fits me better than anything I could find in the shops currently.

I have so many fab outfits from charity shops - 'occassion wear' is always a great buy - expensive stuff, worn only once, well made and well cared for a tenner - loads left to invest in alterations....same with shoes and bags - go to wealthy area and trawl regularly.

I found a Vivienne Westwood purse in a charity shop yesterday - thrilled!

Even paying full price though, the fact that some people on here think £500 is a really low budget for a dress and a coat certainly shows how the other half live.

@Abotitbotinot Have you seen anything that you like the look of yet?

I hope you can start to dismiss the notion of not looking old and focus more on what makes you feel good. I don't know your style so I can't really suggest anything but do you love bling or monochrome or texture or vintage or slinky? ...

Here's what I'd do (feel free to hate it!) I love velvet so for winter wedding I'd choose a fitted velvet jacket (maybe something embroidered too - look for vintage Monsoon Twilight on Vinted) with a full skirt. Or a velvet full-skirted midi dress.

If you prefer to buy a new dress, have a look at this from Joanie - (I know it's green but that's great in winter!) The long sleeved version has sold out.
https://joanieclothing.com/alberto-floral-damask-midaxi-dress-green.html

To keep yourself warm while outside, consider pairing it with a faux fur cape/shawl thing from Vinted. https://www.vinted.co.uk/catalog?search_text=faux%20fur%20wrap&time=1753473448&search_id=25137724525

Or how about this coat on top of a jumpsuit? I prefer the patchwork one but it's sold out.
https://www.joebrowns.co.uk/dramatically-different-coat-wj683?colour=751

If you want to focus your budget on the indoor clothes, you can pick up a full length velvet opera coat on Vinted very cheaply.

OMG these are amazing. When I get rich I’m buying ALL from there. (Maybe when I get rich and thin)

It's such a nice dress. I hope they bring the long sleeved version back for Autumn/ Winter.

If you feel like your face looks old, you could try tweaking your diet to reduce your levels of inflammation - have a listen to the Zoe food science podcast for ideas of how. I’ve been doing this since Weds and can already see a bit of a difference in my face and it’s only been a few days.

Book a John Lewis shopping consultation if you have one nearby. I’ve done it twice, once was amazing the second time was just ok. Also I went to a Clinique counter recently and got my make up renewed and it’s much better. I’d disagree and would get someone to do a light make up on me to practice, I had it done for a wedding and stressed I didn’t want to look too done and the photos were so much better.

also lose half a stone….it'll help.

OP I don't know if you've bought anything yet but I'd wait to see what's in style for winter. I'm a similar age to you and while I'm not very trendy it's nice to sometimes see what's current and adapt it. Just have something interesting about it like a lovely colour or a nicely cut neckline or sleeves so that it has style. Jewellery near your face is good. Makeup that's not glittery but does have some life and sheen about it.

I also think places like Me + Em (while an obvious choice) have clothes that are very well cut in good fabrics which become more important as you get older. They are cut to flatter their customers which isn't usually a 20 year old (although I did question that with some of this summers dresses with cut-outs right at the back fat areas!).

I often go to parties where there is a mixture of ages eg a 50th combined with a 21st or something and never feel self conscious or dowdy as I think I look OK for being in my 50s. A bit overweight, a bit lined but I'm not going to look in my 20s and that's OK. I'm there to have fun and hang out with the people I love!

I’d look at Reiss or Whistles for a dress that’s lovely but not going to break the bank and it’d allow you enough for shoes and jacket.
I definitely wouldn’t wear a fascinator.
As for makeup , I’m not sure I’d arrange a makeup artist .
I would go to a good skincare and makeup counter to update and get some advice then practice a look at home .
I’m older than you and have recently treated myself to Estée Lauder night repair and I really feel it’s making a difference already after a month !
Plus think about taking a good collagen supplement and tweaking your diet then you’ll really glow !
And I’d get hair done in advance with some tips and products from the hairdresser to make sure you look your absolute best that day .

That’s gorgeous!