How not to look old at the wedding

[Abotitbotinot]

My younger DB is getting married to someone 20 years younger. Yes, let’s not go there. They are both adults and are happy.

I know it’s not about me but I’m in my early 50s and the bride’s friends will all be in their twenties. How do I look more like the bride’s husband’s sister without looking like a) mutton dresses as lamb b) the bride’s husband’s aged aunt?

I take care of myself but I don’t dress from fashion outlets which probably does lump me in the middle aged mum category. I don’t have grey hair but my hairstyle might need updating but I cannot get to grips with curling my hair, I’m useless with tongs/irons/whatever.

It’s a December wedding so I need both a good coat, something for the reception and something for the evening as well.

Posting this now while there’s still time for an intervention.

Thank you - I do wear Whistles, I’ll see if I can squeeze into Reiss (taking on board what a PP poster said upthread about losing half a stone makeittwo).

I did once try a department store counter makeover. The girl drew on two black slugs for eyebrows and no one looked at me strangely at all, including my own teenage daughter.

Oh you made me 🤣 I’ve never had the dept store beauty counter staff apply anything like that to me as yet 😉.
I usually just get a foundation match ( Estée Lauder futurist hydrating one is nice and it’s a SPF 45 ) then ask a bit about blush etc

SPF 45 you say? I’ll make a note, thank you.

Don’t yet know about my role in the wedding. I’ll worry about that in November (answering a PP).

I was out last night and looked at the young people in pubs with fresh eyes. Their hair, make up are, to me, the definers of youth. One girl wore a dress that would make me look a 1950s char lady but she looked sensational, what with her skinny arms and tiny waist.

You’re all right, you know. The solution is to run with what I’ve got and to make the best out of what I do have.

Thanks for the tips and I’d love it if you came back in September/October with some new season’s suggestions.

If you sign up to the websites of brands you like - so they will inform you of the arrival of new collections - you won’t need suggestions come September.

You're fetishising youth, OP.

My DD is 20. Her friends are a right mixed bunch. Some are gorgeous, most are averagely attractive, some are plain and others downright grungy.

I politely disagree.

I agree. That happens a lot on here.

Yeah not every 20 something is gorgeous. Everyone on mn also seems to think they were gorgeous in their 20s and turned to shit magically once they hit 40.

I don’t think that, I’m 56 and really pretty.

Well, as you've not seen my DD and her friends, there's no point in you disagreeing, is there?

I think you just feel bad about getting older which is a shame. I'm quite a bit older than you and think I look good.

Don't take this the wrong way, OP, but if you went on Mounjaro, you could be a size 12 by December and I think that would boost your confidence no end. I speak from experience so I'm not being an arse.

Has OP said that she's obese then, @AnnetteFlix?

I disagree that I’m fetishising youth.

I remember being at weddings in my 20s and really admiring the “older” women there who all seemed so put together… more expensive looking clothes, good accessories & having everything they needed for the day (by which I mean I was offered a nurofen by one at one wedding and a friend used a mini sewing kit at another). These “older” women were in their 50s. They just seemed very grown up!
I think it might be helpful to try and find out a bit more from DB as to your role. Are you the most senior woman on your side of the family? Where will you be sat in the church? Are you doing a reading? Or witnessing the signing of the register? Will you be in many photos? And where will those photos be taken? The answer to those questions might determine whether you need a coat or simply a jacket and then wear a smarter winter coat over the top when required.

Your posts do read that way

I was out last night and looked at the young people in pubs with fresh eyes. Their hair, make up are, to me, the definers of youth. One girl wore a dress that would make me look a 1950s char lady but she looked sensational, what with her skinny arms and tiny waist.

Coupled with such negativity about your own age.

the bride’s friends will all be in their twenties. How do I look more like the bride’s husband’s sister without looking like a) mutton dresses as lamb b) the bride’s husband’s aged aunt?

"Mutton dressed as lamb" is ageist and misogynistic.

I'm surprised at the suggestion to lose half a stone (to someone no-one on this thread knows or has ever seen in real life), let alone Mounjaro.

OP, I get it. It's jarring, as we age, to have to sort of re-bracket ourselves in a culture that can sometimes render middle-aged women as invisible, or quickly put us in boxes we haven't actually chosen for ourselves. For me, the slightly discombobulating thing has been growing into my style - I found it hard to move away from what suited me when I was younger but I feel more comfortable about that now. I think it's just trial and error really.

I'm ok with casual, holiday and occasion dressing but I still struggle a bit with night out dressing. We all have our hang-ups.

Book a personal shopping session at John Lewis, as they carry a huge variety of labels. They will also help with shoes and accessories. You could also book a make up session at one of the counters and buy the make up too so you can recreate the look.
I think having a good hair cut, polished nails and good structural underwear (a body shaper or similar) can make all the difference to how you feel and look i.e. you want to feel well put together!
I notice so many more mature women who look amazingly stylish and it's almost always down to a simple outfit and polished grooming. I'm 61 and still colour my hair (at home), have it in a modern style and cut regularly, wear nail polish (self applied, can't afford salon) and buy simple outfits that are ageless (usually from M&S or Vinted). I only wear mascara and eyebrow pencil i.e. I do everything on a budget. I work mainly with people 20-30 years younger than me who don't believe I am the age I am. When I look back at photos, I think I was a bit frumpy in my mid-late 40s and "over dressed" so simplicity is the way forward!

No but I think it will do her self esteem good if she's a12 rather than a 16. She's clearly struggling with body image.

I thought the weight loss injections were supposed to be medically approved, to obese people? I struggled just as much with my own body image at a size 8 as I do now as a size 14. It's pretty crass to tell somebody wanting ideas about clothes to take weight loss injections imo.

She has no interest in weight loss injections FYI @AnnetteFlix

Fair enough, OP.

I've lost nine and a half stone on MJ so I'm more evangelical about it than most but I am genuinely shocked to see perfectly sincere, unsolicited advice on S&B to an OP to lose weight and to use drugs to do it.