How not to look old at the wedding

[Abotitbotinot]

My younger DB is getting married to someone 20 years younger. Yes, let’s not go there. They are both adults and are happy.

I know it’s not about me but I’m in my early 50s and the bride’s friends will all be in their twenties. How do I look more like the bride’s husband’s sister without looking like a) mutton dresses as lamb b) the bride’s husband’s aged aunt?

I take care of myself but I don’t dress from fashion outlets which probably does lump me in the middle aged mum category. I don’t have grey hair but my hairstyle might need updating but I cannot get to grips with curling my hair, I’m useless with tongs/irons/whatever.

It’s a December wedding so I need both a good coat, something for the reception and something for the evening as well.

Posting this now while there’s still time for an intervention.

I’m your age and going to a wedding next week - wearing velvet jumpsuit and stilettos. Jumpsuit is from Hobbes. I’m gonna look great - you will too as long as you don’t pigeonhole yourself as an oldie!!

Thank you! That sounds a great outfit. I know I can’t compete so won’t even try, but I would like to be a bit more stylish in everyday life as well so the wedding hopefully will kickstart some good habits.

I started looking better when I decided to try to go for better versions (better cut, better fabrics, sadly usually more expensive versions) of what I felt most comfortable in. Whenever I tried to "look stylish" or "smarten up" or whatever, I always ended up feeling not quite right, not quite myself. I also almost invariably get compliments of things that I have bought because I really love them and feel comfortable in them.

I apply that to everyday and occasion wear. So I feel much happier in trousers than skirts, so I'd wear wide-legged trousers in satin to a wedding or, like the previous poster, a velvet jumpsuit. And I love bright colours and suit them, so I'd probably have a bright block colour on top. But I do keep an eye on what shapes/silhouettes are current too.

I suspect you will feel better (and inevitably look better) at the wedding if you can go for something you love and feels very "you" rather than trying to find something that doesn't look to old (which rather a vague goal, when you think about it!).

If you can tell us some things you already own that you love wearing, we might be able to suggest wedding friendly options for you!

Pick a good hairdresser and have a re-style
go to a cosmetic counter and have a make over
go to a good store and spend sometime with a personal shopper

The bride’s friends - and curling tongs?

Who cares? All I want to know is How Much You Want To Spend.

And your clothing size and height.

(Maybe an idea of the wedding / reception context? You’ve mentioned possibly three different outfits - is that really a necessity?)

😂

£500 spend. Maybe more if I know I’m going to wear the stuff again, eg the coat, boots, evening shoes.

Church wedding, hotel reception.

No greens or reds or golds otherwise I’ll look like a Christmas bauble.

5ft5 and size 16.

Just play to your strengths- I have a small waist but terrible bingos so my red line is I have to wear sleeves no matter what.

my other tip is to wear something that will look ok if you wear flats too - I always take a pair of flat dressy shoes to dance in as well. I can’t do 12 hours in heels any more!

I would definitely recommend getting your hair blow dried by a hairdresser either on the morning of the wedding or the day before. I am absolutely hopeless at styling my own hair and having a pro do it makes such a difference!

Also go with a colour palette that suits you - I always thought I was a winter because my hair is naturally dark but it turns out I'm a summer, and look so much more alive wearing those colours.

I would budget for a hairdresser and or makeup artist for the morning if you are really bothered about looking 'old'.

What time is the wedding? Are you near any big towns?

I got my hair done the morning of a wedding last year and it makes such a difference. I think that's the number one "looking polished" thing you can do.

Book a blow dry on the day and get your make up done. Try a personal shopper. Start looking after your skin now. I’m mid 50s and while i know I’d not look like “a young one” at a wedding I’m confident I could still look stylish.

Most places don’t have much A/W stock on their sites yet, so this is just a suggestion of places you could keep an eye on (or sign up to for collection updates) in the coming weeks:

https://alemais.com/

https://justinetabak.co.uk/

https://klements.co.uk/

https://lisou.co.uk/collections/all-products

https://louloudesaison.com/en/

And all of

https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-gb/ (Not much good stuff left in the sale but you could have a look, to prompt an idea of the sort of thing you’d like.)

https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/ (Multi-brand discount site.)

You could rent of course, but it would be nice to have something splendid permanently in your wardrobe.

Personally I very much look forward to being The Groom’s Aged Aunt. I will be a vision of utter magnificence in something by Phoebe Philo.

I'd add Kindred of Ireland to IAmNotYourZiggaZigAhhh's list.

Kindred of Ireland

And I wouldn't bother with blow drying, curling and professional make up. I think that's actually very ageing.

No greens or reds or golds otherwise I’ll look like a Christmas bauble.

No you won't and it's silly to eliminate those colours

Do you know what kind of crowd the guests are likely to be? Traditional? Hipster? (as my dad would say 😂) Quite glamorous, maybe, from your OP?

At the most stylish weddings I've been to recently, guest haven't really looked like "wedding guests", if you know what I mean. Of course plenty of people will still be in formal occasionwear (especially at a church wedding) but when I look for a wedding outfit now, I'm always looking for an outfit that will also be a great going-out outfit - whether that be going out on hols, to a black tie event, or just to a nice restaurant. Does that make sense?!

The bride is 20 years younger than your brother, and he is younger than you. She and her friends are a different generation to you. You just will look older than them. Can you shift your focus away from this fact and onto what you live wearing and will make you feel great?

Don’t wear a fascinator they’re really ageing and not really worn by anyone under 50

I wouldn't buy a special coat unless the reception is outdoors. You only need a coat to get to and from the church and to the reception venue. Any reasonable winter coat will do. It's what you're wearing at the reception that will be seen.

And from this idea that all 20 year olds look fabulous and stylish. They don't.

The great thing about a winter wedding is a lovely coat or cape will do the heavy lifting for you.

What shoes can you manage? I struggle with stilettos now.

What colour(s) are absolutely your best, make you glow and your eyes sparkle? Get a coat and outfit in that colour.

Thanks for your replies and so much to process. Thank you for the links. I’ll have a look.

I don’t think I’d have time to get my hair done on the day as we have to drive a few hours to the venue.

I love wearing dresses but I end up looking frumpy if I’m not too careful. I used to love my 3/4 length coatigan, with a T shirt, skinnies and boots but that’s very 2010. Now I wear tank tops and bootlegs but I know I’m very unpolished.

The friends are all young professionals. I won’t say the industry but definitely not hipster.

But the OP won't be wearing her outdoor clothing at the reception. £500 isn't a huge budget if it has to cover a coat and dress

After having professional make up done for a wedding, I vowed next time to do it myself. It just wasn’t” me”

I do wish you could rid yourself of any concerns about what the bride’s party will be wearing.

One of the unexpected developments of becoming 60 was the realisation that it was completely unnecessary to worry about what I might wear to impress other people - those people were highly likely to be wondering what to wear to meet me.

You’re the groom’s older sister. On your way to being (if you’re not there yet) The Head of The Family. Wear that. Leave the yuppies to impress you.

You’re probably almost twice the age of the bride and her friends so don’t even think about how old you look, you are older than them and that’s it. I recently went to a wedding and the brides 25 year old daughter was there with three of her friends, they were so young and effortlessly lovely me comparing myself to them wasn’t even a thing.

Perhaps use it as an opportunity to change/tweak your hairstyle. You could do that now so you get used to it.

Would a dress like this suit you?

I agree with that. I never look polished. It's just not me.

These dresses look less mad in the flesh and I guarantee will outshine anything the 20 year olds are wearing.

CFCL