What would you wear to a black tie dinner as a 47 year old not-slim woman?

[OlgaFjeldso]

DH and I are invited to a posh evening do, drinks then black tie sit-down dinner.

I will have to buy something new to wear. It’s in May so weather could be hot or cold.

I don’t like floor length dresses, would prefer knee length or just below (but perhaps not formal enough??)
I don’t like high necks.
Prefer something a bit structured or fitted, but I am quite curvy.
Have shoulders and upper arms like a scrum half, so might be better covering those up to attempt elegance - maybe a dress with sleeves or some sort of jacket/shrug/bolero over a sleeveless dress.

Don’t want to spend loads for the sake of it, but on the other hand I hardly ever buy new clothes, and I’d like to look nice.

Any help would be appreciated.

I've always worn long to black tie events, with the exception of once wearing a cocktail length dress. This is what Vogue from last year said..

'What’s the best way to navigate black-tie dress code?
Simply put, “black-tie” for women best translates as “long”, and in an evening-appropriate fabric, such as velvet, chiffon, silk or lace. A cocktail dress – shorter, possibly ritzier – might cut it if your host is of a relaxed nature (or if the dress is, say, a dramatic Alexander McQueen style), but it’s best to assume that a floor-sweeping number (or a tuxedo situation – yes women can wear a trousers suit to a black-tie event) is expected.'

Black tie is basically party frocks/evening trousers these days. I would go with either a silky shirt and wide-leg trousers, or a jumpsuit with some decent costume jewellery. You'll be more likely to wear that again that a fancy frock. If you do want a dress, try Ghost. The way they cut fabric is like witchcraft. Creates curves, hides the bits you might want to hide.

Have you ever been to a black tie dinner 🤦🏼‍♀️ Im guessing not by that choice of dress.

Do you like vintage styles at all? I recently wore a Lady Vintage dress (Lyra style) to a black tie event and got a lot of compliments on it. Really flattering styles and mine had floaty sleeves which worked really well with my upper arms (also my biggest area). You could put a shawl or bolero with it if you so wish.

ladyvlondon.com

Hire something - even John Lewis do hire as do many many other dept stores. Then splurge on some gorgeous shoes (more wearable for other occasions!)

Rixo do hire as well.

to be honest, what do you feel most comfortable in -long or knee? Do you have a preference for a style (say wrap dress?etc). I would steer clear of strictly style dresses and anything with an extreme cut out. Go velvet, satin style those generally go down well. And sequins!

Are you thinking of original (20th c) Ghost, @NancyJoan? The current iteration is barely recognisable as the same brand. They do have one long, bias cut and silky looking dress, in several colours. Although with those tedious fluted short sleeves. And a million buttons down the front like a negligee from a trousseau.

Really I’d say Realisation’s silk dresses are closest to Old Ghost. And they’re very much dresses that people wear for daytime and for dressing up.

It’s true the OP could hire. But she sounded slightly wistful at the prospect of buying a new frock …

Does this give you enough upper arm coverage? I’ve got it in mint. It’s lovely and swishy.
www.theprettydresscompany.com/sale-c16/the-pretty-dress-company-hourglass-swing-dress-p288#attribute%5B1%5D=2

Definitely look at the rental options if you're unlikely to wear it again - I've used Selfridges and it was fantastic. Would you wear a mini dress op? If you've got good pins I'd show them off with something like this:
Rent The Mini Night Tremors dress - The Vampire’s Wife | Selfridges

Or slightly more coverage:
Rent Dress The Population Steel Lia Dress | Hirestreet

Red sparkles:
Rent Falconetti - Red - The Vampire's Wife | John Lewis

I think it used to be but now for a dinner I think it is more like a ‘cocktail’ dress or ‘little back dress’.

Oh, I am. Slinky malinky satin backed crepe.

I know you said Navy but this is lovely op....

https://www.jigsaw-online.com/products/hammered-satin-midi-dress-blue-1?variant=45107951927462&currency=GBP&gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD4Q9mRpYXpe5mxW5javecKODFeBN&gclid=CjwKCAiAlPu9BhAjEiwA5NDSAwwR3O29dXCwA3AC2HjCmeQnSdlgqbHOP5poVbUmYNGdqbSM2WWRhoCrw8QAvD_BwE

Love this top!

https://www.phase-eight.com/product/siera-spot-jacquard-blouse-50251905012.html?istCompanyId=c38fe7a0-ffd0-4925-94b3-cff8df449484&istFeedId=5a41320b-c741-4d1e-b90d-1091450d147c&istItemId=maplxqmwr&istBid=t&cqsrc=googleeads&cqcmp=21857428795&cqqnet=g&cqplt=gp&utmmsource=google&utmmedium=cpc&utmmcampaign=21857428795&utmcontent=175258641331&gaddsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADumyC9PvhQTd4vcIVC2KeLIgD5JA&gclid=CjwKCAiAlPu9BhAjEiwA5NDSA2spmKroF4CexiJJc1BPlEb1UObpV2eUHWqGQMnMS8W4HDDmWeEhoCcqcQAvDD_BwE

Why not rent a fancy designer dress if you're only going to wear it once?

https://www.hurrcollective.com/

Thank you so much everyone for all the links and helpful advice.

I think maybe I will go long length after all. I think it is more likely to be more traditional and formal - think charitable social/fundraiser rather than work event. I have tried to look at previous photos as suggested above, but they just show everyone sitting down eating, so can’t really judge length.

I have looked at the stuff for hire at Selfridges and John Lewis, and I don’t love anything available in my size. Shame really because DH will need to hire a dinner jacket anyway, so we could have ordered everything together.

But I think I now know more what I want - ideally more square cut neck rather than high or v neck, and definitely not halter neck. Then perhaps chiffony sleeves, probably a high waist but a fairly straight rather than a flouncy skirt. I think I want a block colour rather than patterned. I’m not completely wedded to navy - dark green might be ok for example-, but I’d prefer to be a bit understated.

I think the monsoon dress linked above is closest to what I want. Though I’m worried it might look a bit matronly on. But I suppose I just need to embrace that really. There is also a slightly sparkly dark green dress at Monsoon that I might try on too.

I think this is gorgeous - plain top but so dramatic when you stand. Their maxis can run very long (according to reviews), but they do a petite range.

www.phase-eight.com/product/piper-ombre-maxi-dress-221022715.html#isSecondPage=false&start=0&sz=60&is=true&cgid=maxi&prefn1=color&prefv1=Blue%7CGreen&prefn2=pattern&prefv2=Plain&prefn3=styleType&prefv3=Cocktail%7CMaxi%7CWedding&pid=221022715&pos=32

Really?! I’ve been to multiple black tie events this year and most women were definitely in floor length. A few in midi length, but I can’t remember seeing anyone in knee length!

OP, whatever you wear, save £30 from your dress budget for a fabulous blow dry on the afternoon of the event. It’s worth it for a little boost of polish and also saves you the faff of having to do something yourself.

Especially if you are wearing something understated and neutral, you can go a bit more dramatic with your accessories and hair. It also stays put unlike the makeup that slides off and makes me look less vamp and more Robert Smith

A jumpsuit would not be black tie.

I wore this for a black tie do around Christmas and it’s very flattering and comfortable. Size down would be my recommendation and it does shed sparkles. I looked like Edward from Twilight by the end of the evening and the car looked like it had been glitter bombed. But honestly it made me giggle. Really pleased with it.

Not a jumpsuit.

You might get away with this

https://www.ghost.co.uk/meryl-satin-midi-dress12-d08g050-j77?gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADnMJoZ4lWo0Og4860329L4szz_Np1

Floor length is good for black tie, though you could go knee length. A jumpsuit is not black tie, nor is floral. If you prefer sleeves, fine, but on no account wear a bolero, pashmina or other cover up: you must own your outfit! this from asos

Or these, all on ASOS

I very, very rarely wear floor length to black tie unless it's a ball. The last time I wore a proper floor length ball skirt was 31st December 1999 until I bought this last year.

Klements floor length

I go to around 4 - 6 mandatory black tie dos per year. I see all lengths, including short and knee length and floor length, although I would say long midi to ankle length are the majority.

A few weeks ago a poster started a thread about a black tie event dress from a Dutch brand which turned out be a dress I own and which has stood me in good stead for 8 years- it's just below knee length.

This is a pic of the first one

The sister Jane and klements ones are wholly unsuitable, you’d look bonkers, and like a marquee (I’m a similar size)