What would you wear to a black tie dinner as a 47 year old not-slim woman?

[OlgaFjeldso]

DH and I are invited to a posh evening do, drinks then black tie sit-down dinner.

I will have to buy something new to wear. It’s in May so weather could be hot or cold.

I don’t like floor length dresses, would prefer knee length or just below (but perhaps not formal enough??)
I don’t like high necks.
Prefer something a bit structured or fitted, but I am quite curvy.
Have shoulders and upper arms like a scrum half, so might be better covering those up to attempt elegance - maybe a dress with sleeves or some sort of jacket/shrug/bolero over a sleeveless dress.

Don’t want to spend loads for the sake of it, but on the other hand I hardly ever buy new clothes, and I’d like to look nice.

Any help would be appreciated.

Technically black tie is floor length. However, the black tie events I have been to are just about a posh frock and I’m not sure I have ever seen anyone in anything floor length. It could be your event is super strict, but it probably isn’t and you could always check if you are concerned.

I’d try phase 8 or perhaps John Lewis as they have a range of brands (including phase 8).

100% - Phase Eight is really good for options.

Black tie for a work dinner, anything goes.

I’d go for a black or navy wrap dress. They pull you in at the waist, usually have short sleeves to cover the shoulders, they show neck and some cleavage and they’re usually a midi dress stopping at the knee or calf.
Pair with a dainty necklace and a heeled strappy sandal.
I’m keen on a red lipstick. The black dress with a red lip, you’ll get lots of compliments!
I’d recommend the Anastasia Beverley Hills liquid lipstick in American Doll. I literally get stopped by people to compliment it.

I would actually wear a silky trouser suit. I don't wear dresses so I feel weird in them.
But a beautiful emerald or pewter suit...lovely. I don't have one but now I want one!

I always always wear wide evening trousers with a fancy top.

www.phase-eight.com/product/matilda-tapework-midi-dress-222076351.html#q=Tapeworm&is=true&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=222076351&pos=8

Phase Eight is my go to for black tie dresses and i highly recommend the tape work ones they are so so flattering- they are hand made which reflects in the price but they do load of different styles in tapework and have have a great returns process - they will help you in the shop but even when I have visited the main shop near selfridges there are more options on the website. You might find one on Vinted as well.

I'd have a look on Vinted. Last time I went to a black tie event I wore a Rixo dress i bought for around £50 in Vinted. In your shoes I'd search Vinted for a few brands - Rixo, Monsoon, Needle & Thread, Kemi Telford, The Fold (though the latter probably better for workwear and tea dresses/cocktail rather than black tie). Kitri and Lisou might be worth a look as well. Possibly Me+Em - I'm not a huge fan but lots of people like their stuff!

Good God …

Some of you are evil. Some awful things. Some you wouldn’t wear to put out the bins. As far as I can see - only two or three posters referencing the 21st century. At all.

What’s wrong with you all? This is Style and Beauty, not Haven’t A Clue, Here’s Something From The Debenhams Bargain Bin Circa 1986.

Blimey

I love Pretty Kitty - as a fellow middle-aged slight chubber - something like this might suit your vibe:

https://prettykittyfashion.co.uk/collections/maxi-dresses/products/navy-blue-waterfall-sleeve-cocktail-maxi-dress

Or this: reviews say the fabric is slightly shimmery - I'd dress it up with extravagant sparkly jewellry and shoes/jacket:

https://prettykittyfashion.co.uk/products/navy-cap-sleeve-v-neck-wrap-top-swing-dress

Traditionally black tie does require full length dresses. But that convention has changed in all but the most traditional and/or upper class events. So depending on the event and attendees, you can probably wear floor length to knee length (no shorter though.)

I was going to suggest Roman - I got a lovely dress for a black tie i'm going to on Friday. I bought it on Vinted, so was only £5, but looks and feels really good quality and flattering too! (I'm far from slim and usually hate dresses of any style!)

This is ankle length - but as it’s silk it would be a simple alteration for a seamstress to tailor the length to your preference. (May want some shape wear unless the wearer is already so.)

Realisation 1

This may be too stark for you? But would really set off any decent jewels:

Realisation 2

Both of those go up to a size 16 - so are intended to look good on that size. But obviously proportions vary - not everything suits everyone, I know.

If you’re sure mini length would be ok, The Outnet has lots - plenty of size 16s too. This is midi - polyester, muted at the front, more celebratory at the back. Don’t know if you’d feel underdressed?

The Outnet 1

But just filter and sort and you’ll find loads of possibilities there.

I was recently at a black tie dinner as a similar size and age to you, and I wore this
https://scampanddude.com/collections/dresses/products/black-with-gold-spot-leopard-jacquard-ruffle-sleeve-tiered-midi-dress

My go to used to be some kind of black dress (cocktail length) that could be dressed up or down. Then a fancy top, that’s definitely evening wear. Go as hard as you like on jewellery. I used to wear a massive bling diamond ring (Claire’s accessories) it seemed less out of place when I was dolled up. It made me smile everytime I caught sight of it on my finger. I often told people it was my bling ring.

Avoid too much flesh showing shoulders and bosom - it’s very easy when sitting down to lean forward and give someone an eyeful!

Lastly, I do have a succession of fancy tops which I do enjoy wearing when dressed down with jeans. It means I don’t end up with an outfit I’ve only ever worn once.

@OlgaFjeldso

A couple of ideas:

1 - check out charity shops (especially in posh market towns)

2 - You could rent a beautiful dress, especially if you’re unlikely to ever wear it again. Even Carrie Johnson (the wife of Boris) wore a rental dress for her wedding! Even John Lewis and Selfridges have occasion wear to hire:

Www.hurrcollective.com

https://wearonceloved.com

Www.selfridgesrental.com

Www.johnlewisfashionrental.com

www.byrotation.com

Https://hire.girlmeetsdress.com

It sounds like you're perfectly beautiful as you are. Wear whatever you want, show off your curves and your assets - maybe something long with a high slit and something off the shoulder. A high waist is beneficial too.
Enjoy yourself x

You could wear a tux yourself with a silk blouse under. There are plenty of options in Phase Eight, Hobbs etc. I wore a actual man's tuxedo, dress trousers, cummerbund, dress shirt, tie, the lot, with patent brogues, to a party one December and it was the warmest and comfiest I've ever been at a winter event.

Id wear a fitted three piece black or white tuxedo. I think they looks amazing on women.

My understanding is that black tie is knee length dresses and white tie is floor length/ball gown. I think that’s the traditional distinction, not that it really matters.

As you don't mind sheer sleeves I would suggest looking for the shape that suits you even if it is sleeveless and then if necessary wearing something like this underneath https://www.marksandspencer.com/flexifit-light-control-lace-armwear-top/p/clp60609080 I fins id works well (although I'd also recommend investing in a small box of black safety pins just in case).

That's intéressant, @UnintentionalArcher - I always think of knee-length as cocktail, and between knee and ankle length as black tie, but that's only really based on formal uni events from many many moons ago! White tie is out of my league, happily.

Intéressant = interesting (sorry, that was my phone playing silly buggers - not me being very pretentious 🤣)