Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

No one will be looking at you, they'll be looking at the bride.

You say you've moved on and your partner is a silver fox so why are you so bothered about your ex and his wife and showing him what a fuck up he made. He obviously doesn't think so because he settled down and had children with her.

Stop making it all about you!

It's also a swathe of cheap nylon which is neither washable nor dry cleanable. It's over £200 to be worn no more than a couple of times.

It’s made of pure silk crepe de chine, so literally the least ‘cheap’ fabric possible.

While the second dress linked is beautiful, none of these fit the bill if you actually take into account what the OP said she wants. She specifically said no black, for example.

I’ve noticed you do this a lot on S&B. You sort of steam in with what you think OP should wear, or what you would wear, while throwing insults at anything suggested which you don’t personally like. It’s incredibly boorish.

Phase Eight have everything you need

Then the have managed to make an expensive fabric look like something off Shein.

Quite an achievement.

OP said it's a December wedding, so a velvet trouser suit would be a good option - something like: https://www.reiss.com/style/SU389060/E70189#E70189 (don't think this is one of her colours though) or: https://www.marksandspencer.com/velvet-tailored-single-breasted-blazer/p/clp60689947?color=BLUE#intid=carousel_FUNH_AT_PHOENIX-SIMILAR_END_PDP_15_1:5ae8aead-c05e-4e01-a2c1-94c1729a8b51 I've seen this jacket and matching trousers in my local store and the photo's don't do it justice. It's a stunning teal cotton velvet (OP says she likes blue and green), well made and amazing value for money (£124 for the suit) BUT it's highly likely everyone will recognise it as M&S! 😳I still think a velvet trouser suit for a winter wedding, considering OP's preferred style, could work though if she can find one she likes.

The op said she prefers blues and greens.

Not red or black.

She also said she'd like just above the knee and with sleeves.

Jesus. They’ve been together 15 years? Get over it. Look good for yourself, not for some arsehole who cheated on you. His wife is not the problem, being awful about her appearance annd trying to upstage her isn’t going to make you feel any better.

Please do not lower yourself like this. I f he has moved on and so have you (though it seems you haven't!). It is not a competition. Why would you make it all about you you you when you are NOT the bridge. Just wear whatever gives you confidence, put on a happy face and enjoy the wedding. Don't be looking over at your ex and the new wife all the time. Is it your son getting married? If he will be o tenterhooks enough worrying about how you will behave. You are a grown up, yes?

We had this shit with my friend (my Godson's mum) but more in a way that she just got angry with everyone. It was tiresome but not unexpected, unfortunately. She was a very angry woman and would not let things go.

Bride, not bridge

Those are the best suggestions. And you'd get a lot of wear out of them.

This should have been a fun thread, but my God there are some mardy Marys on here!

1. OP has asked us for wedding wear suggestions. Make some suggestions - or don't - but don't be snarky about others' suggestions. Not everyone has the same taste and if you wouldn't like yours being criticised, then don't criticise others'. Simply write nothing.
2. OP clearly dislikes the OW - who wouldn't? - but she wrote "obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas" so for God's sake STOP with the holier-than-thou lectures.

I've attended a wedding with exactly this kind of acrimonious break-up as the back story - it was a fabulous day, but clearly awkward (can't think of a better word) for the two exes who hadn't seen each other in years. They both behaved impeccably, but everyone recognised that they would have both been dealing with a mix of emotions at their first-born's wedding. PLEASE be kind to OP and to other posters!

Just go with the biggest smile on your face and enjoy the day .

I agree. OP - your smile, confidence and happiness will be the thing that shines through, not your outfit.

I doubt very much the OP will outshine the bride, nor is she trying to.

😂

What I don't understand is: the OP says she has great legs so is looking for something on the knee or just above, and they carry weight around the stomach so don't want that area to be fitted. Then loads of posters suggest midi dresses with tight waists - the literal opposite cut of what suits the OP best. I have terrible legs and a small waist - and most of the suggested dresses are ideal for flattering my body type which is the absolute opposite of OP's body type.

How about this dress? Flattering on a non-flat middle. Needs a good coat and striking accessories? www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/long-sleeve-navy-wave-hem-dress/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=18057196750&utm_content=&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADrNWmwI7D2-VJE4lj4DepCAYyX7I&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxsm3BhDrARIsAMtVz6OdkMVnxUqGUXmRcMrbHmbM-wz_86-UudjKAmM-0HbBCDcpggSucVsaAnu7EALw_wcB

Of course you want to look your best! Also go determined to have an excellent time and not give them a second thought. I think John Lewis styling is way to go

I suspect it will show every lump and bump too.

Let us know how you get on OP

Not what I was getting at. Suggesting the OP not upset the bride...

OP, wear something which you are comfortable in, which suits you, and what you'd wear to your son's wedding whether his father was there or not. Enjoy the day, and have no drama.

Please save OP from the reams of endless chiffon!

Wolf and Badger Coat Dress - pale or navy

A few from Wolf and Badger

www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/long-sleeve-denim-wave-hem-dress/

www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/scarlett-velvet-dress-with-v-neckline-draped-detail-in-royal-blue/

www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/navy-blue-faux-wrap-dress-in-sustainable-fabric-1/

This is over budget but so nice for a winter wedding

www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/the-king-i-100-wool-silk-dress-coat-in-blu/

Best of luck, hope you find something that makes you feel fabulous

It’s a joke at this point. I’ve literally never seen a good recommendation from that poster, but heaven forbid someone post something she doesn’t personally like!