Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

I'm struggling to envisage "armour-like" underwear that doesn't look like this: https://giphy.com/gifs/cESVlkVD4jAPe

More "mother of the groom". We all have different tastes but to my eyes those dresses are terrible. I'm never going to be impressed by someone wearing them.

Get your colours done and go from there

thank you for writing this—OP is quite normal and sensible. anyone would want to feel good under these circumstances and it is clear she is more than fine.

This one.is.beautiful. Even the sleeves are stylish.

Please don't wear chiffon, either the JJ house or the Self Portrait ones. It's the least impressive fabric ever.
I wish I could suggest an alternative but I would look at Rixo.

Yes, it's a gorgeous colour, universally flattering style and a good (reduced) price. As mother of the groom though, I'd splash out on this silk Jasper Conran one (which comes in an amazing array of jewel-like colours so everyone will find one they like): www.jasperconran.com/products/fleur-silk-full-skirt-shirt-dress?currency=GBP&variant=44360176500970&stkn=45f773f19ee5&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=dresses&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwo8S3BhDeARIsAFRmkOPOFr5rjwlYihaP0il-nWMqNl2MHeYJFb4cUFEt0QKvXFFz8YKwxicaApd4EALw_wcB

I like those Jasper Conran dresses and they are so much classier than sequins and dipped hems. Maybe a bit safe but that's OK for a wedding.

Wow just been having a look through they have gorgeous clothes! I'm not normally a jumpsuit fan but to me this oozes confidence

Book personal styling appointment at Selfridges. They are amazing. I did this for an outfit for my 50th and they utterly nailed it. The appointment is complimentary you can book online.

Get hair and makeup done professionally on the day.

In the meantime up your resistance training by lifting some weights it will make a huge difference to definition of arms.

Good luck.

I agree. And I think it's the colours that make them stand-out pieces for a wedding. I thought my link would show all the available colours instead of just the purple, but it also comes in cobalt blue, fuchsia pink, soft pink, emerald green, canary yellow plus neutrals. 😀

Maybe work on yourself first sure go down the childish immature route if you can guarantee you will wake up happy the next day being totally satisfied

It seems to work for others sounds totally unhealthy but so does most suggestions

Haven't read through the whole thread, just OP's posts and flicked through the photos of what people have suggested.

I note the dress stuff but also that you wear trousers etc. for work. And I wondered: might, in fact, a gorgeous, well-tailored colored trouser suit (ideally with nothing underneath, or perhaps a silk camisole) and heels actually work better to make you feel like a million dollars? Depends on your bust line etc. And, if you get something with modern tailoring and don't wear a hat (just get your hair done beautifully) - definitely not traditional MOTB.

Fine if if not your thing but if intrigued, then Hugo Boss are brilliant for these kinds of suits, but probably not within budget (but they do do excellent sales). Otherwise, Mango, Reiss etc might work. If were to go for a cheaper suit, I would suggest spending the money left over getting it to fit.

www.reiss.com/style/SU322220/N05320#N05320

*getting it to fit perfectly by going to a tailor.

Agree with the trouser suit suggestion tbh, think OP could look knockout in the right one.

But if she did like any of the Self Portrait suggestions, Edit Secondhand have a number of their dresses in stock for about £150 so could be worth a look.

Thanks for your wisdom Anna Wintour.

The poor bride. Why don't you just wear a svelte white wedding dress, and be done with it?

Depends when the wedding is. If it's in the summer than you can't beat a long, pretty, patterned dress with a hat. If the winter then yes a trouser suit would be good but only if it's perfectly fitting.

There are a couple of suggestions on here that ARE awful though.

I totally get it, I'd do the same. Get a personal
stylist and tell them what you want. They will help you look your best.

Love that in the orchid colour. The royal blue. ink blue and purple are also lovely colours.

I can only speak for myself - I'm 58 and that would be far too frumpy for me. Also it's a swathe of cheap nylon. Surely the OP can do better than that?

Good for you! I would feel exactly the same. I'm not a heels person either but if wearing a dress, wear some small kitten heels at least. Get your nails, hair, makeup done. It’s your son’s wedding so aside from anything else, it should be a treat for you too. If I had a figure like yours I think I would be inclined to get a nice tailored dress and matching jacket with 3/4 length sleeves. Perhaps a hat too.

Above everything else, I applaud you for remembering its your sons day and there won't be any drama. As someone who comes from a family full of drama, I get it! Have a great time and post updates after! X

Just curious, have you looked beyond the first colour and picture which certainly bought up those thoughts? That picture doesn't do it justice without the bright colours and losing the jacket.

OP I'd go for something you love, I feel that comes across, if love and feel comfortable in what you're wearing. I get the sentiment too,. you want to feel lonely and confident, but this is MN. The green debenham one is lovely, but just as important to ask if you love it or not.

Sometimes when I can't sleep, I wile away the time thinking about what I might wear to my ex's funeral (and we weren't married, had no kids together and haven't met for 30 years). So no judgement from me op.

I'm afraid I haven't got any helpful tips. I love clothes but I'm not great at occasion dressing plus we clearly like different things. But I just wanted to say I get it and wish you well.