Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Wear an old dress and put the money you would have spent towards counselling.

People don't think they've fucked up by ending a relationship because someone looked nice once at an event.

You say you like red - would you consider this, as it looks lovely (to me anyway)

Petite Elika Red Jumpsuit | Phase Eight UK | (phase-eight.com)

For an occasion like this I think you need to book in with a personal shopper.

But as @IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle often says, tastes are different. I like what she posts and her suggestions are never run of the mill, that's no bad thing. I may not want them for me, but I can see how they could look fabulous on someone else.

What she posts may sometimes be above budget etc, but in (vague) reference to that scene in The Devil Wears Prada, styles and designs filter down from higher end labels and versions of them can often be found from more accessible labels.

Good for you! I'd be exactly the same. I couldnt read the replies, but go all out and revel in it!

Start looking in the shops now for inspiration, go to shops youve never been before. Hair, makeup, nails and preferably a lovely man on your arm!!

And please come back and update us with your outfit!! x

Loving all the suggestions, have book marked Reiss, wolf and badger and the jigsaw one. Might ask the JL personal shopper to suggest a jump suit to try.

Going to get a bra fitting sorted too ;) and sign up the hairdresser and make up lady doing DIL.

I just want to feel confident and as relaxed as possible, considering the woman who knowingly slept with my husband when he had a young family will be my guest, literally, it is inevitably stressful. But as I said, there will be no vibes or drama from me on the day and my son has no idea it is a stress to me as I don't want him to be worrying about us. My silver fox is so supportive too.

There's a big family on both sides, so our personal friends have been very limited. I said to my four best mates from school days, either two could come with husbands. Or all four, no husbands. So of course I have all four of my best supporters :)

John Lewis do personal shopper. My daughter booked me in when I could decide what to wear for her wedding. The Personal Shopper was really nice, not pushy and 17 years later I still like what I wore. Also, if you change your mind you can happily return no questions asked. I hated to head piece as I never do hats!

It's pretty sad you're still wanting to have an effect on your ex and his partner/wife especially now you have a partner yourself. If you want to look fantastic then great but do it for YOU and no one else. I can guarantee your ex won't give a shit.
Also maybe get some therapy for the hurt this has caused you cos I can see in your post there's still a lot of resentment there. That'll only hurt you, not him and not his woman

I think we can all agree that the OP knows to book a John Lewis personal shopper and indeed has .. 👩🏻‍🔧

Honestly couldn't have said it better myself. I never want to make my son worry about how I'm gonna behave especially on his big day.

I actually think it would be best to be casual and happy looking rather than showing him what he has missed through the medium of clothing. However you sound as though you have a great figure so I would show that off! And probably hold hands / kiss occasionally with my silver fox :)

But I would really focus on my son and new dil that will make you feel best about everything.

Ignore all the comments of " men don't think like that or he won't notice" they absolutely do and he absolutely will! I completely understand the way you feel and I would be the same. Wear something sophisticated in winter colours ie: royal blue, deep red, dark green etc. Have your hair professionally done on the day and keep your makeup natural and earthy not to try hard and glam. Be warm and friendly to your ex and his wife without being to friendly and believe me she will feel uncomfortable and he will realise what he lost!

I think it’s really low to weaponise therapy as a way of bullying the OP, who has taken the nastiness remarkably well. In fact her calm & cheerful response is proof that she’s absolutely fine. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable hosting the bitch who shagged your cheating husband. Of course she wants to feel confident in her look. I hope it’s a wonderful day.

it’s your sons wedding you need to look your best. and i’d be same re ex. it’s a very important wedding. i love that reiss one. defo get the little touches sorted too hair blow dried nails done nice shoes and bag & good underwear. you are surely on show too top table and photos. ignore the negativity!!! the style forum has amazing advice. enjoy x

Does the OP say she likes red?!

Oh dear, if have many problems. I can guarantee you will be giving off tension.

Yes- John Lewis, have so much choice, loads of different designers, if that’s the right word love John Lewis.Like @sarahsarahsarahsar saying to book a personal assistant/styling, would make it so much easier, get everything under 1 roof.

Oops, l just started reading the thread.I just also said John Lewis!
Apologies OP.

You need to be feminine and/or sexy according to men in my house at the moment. Being ‘smart’ or ‘fashionable’ isn’t of any importance at all. Yes to legs on show and don’t worry too much about colour as colour of any kind is good apparently! Emphasis any curves you’ve got and show off a great bust. And just as importantly apparently- look happy and confident (maybe like you never bring drama to your new relationship). Act like the most easy going supportive and complimentary girlfriend to your new fella - Oh and they say smile as much as possible. Smiles are laughter are super sexy apparently. Who knew!? Ex husband will be kicking himself all evening. Try not to get drunk before ex hubby does too - so you don’t have the disadvantage.
Hope you have an absolutely wonderful day Op and enjoy it all thoroughly.

Don’t waste ur energy he has moved on.

no advice on clothes other than make sure you’re comfortable but definitely make sure you have nails done and hair done as I find this gives me lots of inner confidence and then be the bigger person and smile/ talk to her for your son. Enjoy the day x

15 years ago?

Not sure if already mentioned but Phase Eight is really good for occasionwear and they stock wedding guest outfits all year round too.

Yes