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Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

451 replies

stilllostinthecity · 23/09/2024 12:30

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

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OP posts:
Thread gallery
43
ooopsinamechangedagain · 23/09/2024 21:15

Have a look on reis, JL and Karen millen.

Will you be having your make up professionally done? i suggest you do as it will make a huge difference.

Make sure your hair is freshly cut and get a nice bouncy blow dry on the day or a professional up do if you prefer it up.

Also I would recommend using a gradual self tanning moisturiser for a few days until you get a light subtle tan just helps skin look in better nick not showing any crapey skin or marks, will give you a nice glow.

Some shape wear will be good too and a good bra, so you look your best in whatever dress you choose. Make sure the shoes go well, a barely there heel is safe and usually goes with everything (have a pedicure if toes will be out)

Hope you have a fabulous day celebrating your son's wedding. (And I hope that loser kicks rocks on the way home after realising how incredible you looked) 🫶🏼

TiramisuThief · 23/09/2024 21:18

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 20:54

There are some shockers. The Self Portrait chiffon is ok. It wouldn't be my first choice but from what's here I'd go for one of the Self Portait ones.

I think OP wants something a bit structured, that was the vibe I got anyway. Dresses with a jacket are very old fashioned MOB/MOG. I don't think OP is quite that staid but wants something similarly formal.

Some chiffon is OK but the dresses with those floaty sleeves/cover ups are very 'middle aged aunt who is sensitive about her upper arms' not 'confident mother of the groom' IMO anyway.

There's a fine line sometimes between something the OP will actually wear vs what is fashionable/current.

ooopsinamechangedagain · 23/09/2024 21:19

I'm shocked at some of the comments on here. No one wants to be seen in the same room as the OW and be looking like a sack of shit 😂

MiddleParking · 23/09/2024 21:20

He’s a philandering man. If he’s interested in any of the guests’ dresses it’s going to be those of your DIL’s friends.

Butterflycream · 23/09/2024 21:20

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 21:08

Different tastes. Self Portrait wouldn't be my choice but if that's the vibe being looked for the Self Portrait dresses are the only ones which wouldn't make me cry if I had to wear them. There are other suggestions I'd refuse to go at all if I had to wear them.

They almost made me cry just by looking at them 😂

IfYouLook · 23/09/2024 21:23

TiramisuThief · 23/09/2024 20:51

There's some absolute shockers been suggested on this thread among the gems.

It's a one-off occasion so it's worth putting a bit of time in to find the right outfit and get it tailored so it fits absolutely perfectly.

And for the love of God please stay away from chiffon 😂

Hear hear on the chiffon. It’s a hard no unless you’re channelling Hyacinth Bucket

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 21:26

Butterflycream · 23/09/2024 21:20

They almost made me cry just by looking at them 😂

Why don't you suggest something then?

Garlicnaan · 23/09/2024 21:36

That navy Maje dress is stunning.

highlandcoo · 23/09/2024 21:39

Those Shibumi jackets are stunning. I would go for one of them with a beautifully cut simple shift dress underneath.

Totally get why you want to look a million dollars OP. You came on here for advice about an outfit not relationship counselling. Hope you find something fantastic.

Cable1905 · 23/09/2024 21:44

You need to go to independent dress shops which specialise in occasion wear. Try on lots of different styles and hats, the staff are experts in giving advice and discerning what will best suit given your personality, shape and style.
I agree that the high street brands are not suitable. You are mother of the groom and it will only happen once - treat yourself to something amazing. Lots of Facebook pages for MOB and MOG outfits which might help you to narrow the search down before going to a shop. Take an “honest” friend with you.

GettingStuffed · 23/09/2024 21:45

I seriously love this dress.https://www.flannels.com/max-mara-studio-dionea-dress-574381#colcode=57438124

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 21:54

Cable1905 · 23/09/2024 21:44

You need to go to independent dress shops which specialise in occasion wear. Try on lots of different styles and hats, the staff are experts in giving advice and discerning what will best suit given your personality, shape and style.
I agree that the high street brands are not suitable. You are mother of the groom and it will only happen once - treat yourself to something amazing. Lots of Facebook pages for MOB and MOG outfits which might help you to narrow the search down before going to a shop. Take an “honest” friend with you.

The OP should avoid anything marketed as "Mother of the Groom" or "Mother of the Bride".

Noseybookworm · 23/09/2024 22:41

I think it's perfectly understandable that you want to look your best - but I wouldn't worry about showing your ex he fucked up. If he's still with the woman, it could be that they're happy and he doesn't give two hoots that she's put on weight since having children! You've got a lovely partner who you're happy with so you're winning at life!

As for your outfit, I agree with previous posts that it might be a good idea to get some help from a personal shopper/stylist.

HazelPlayer · 23/09/2024 23:27

You sound a bit horrid mocking the other woman's weight and ageing.

Not as horrid as the ow .. jumping on the op's husband's dick and sending him home to op and her young kids.

HazelPlayer · 23/09/2024 23:30

MrsKeats · 23/09/2024 20:04

I can see why he left.
Horrible post.

The only horrible post is yours.

HazelPlayer · 23/09/2024 23:34

WickedStepmotherWasJustMisunderstood · 23/09/2024 15:22

You misread, I was talking about your current DP. I would hate to be with someone who still wants their ex to want them, especially given the fact your ex sounds like he's not worth the energy.

I take it you also hate the jumpsuit idea. 😂

I have literally no idea where you got that the op still wants her ex to want her.

How you got that from anything she posted .... Blows my mind.
It's presumably projection of some kind.

Showing someone that you're better looking and fitter than the woman they fucked you over with, is not wanting them to want you.

HazelPlayer · 23/09/2024 23:45

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 23/09/2024 19:58

Do not wear that. The green Reiss is dreary to the point of you might as well be part of the furniture but this is awful.

I actually think that's gorgeous in the brighter/stronger colours. Emerald green for example.

Without the cover up, it's sexy but classy.
With the cover up, it's elegant.

HazelPlayer · 23/09/2024 23:48

GettingStuffed · 23/09/2024 21:45

No offence meant, but to me, it looks cheap..

And it's bad enough when cheap things look cheap, let alone things that cost almost £300.

It looks like a cheap fabric, Studio 54 type dress.

HazelPlayer · 23/09/2024 23:51

That looks close to a dressing gown/house coat, and the colours are dull as fuck.

HazelPlayer · 24/09/2024 00:05

This is above knee, has sleeves, some structure/definition, has greeny-blue bits.

I know the neckline is not scoop but it's looks like it's an illusion one (with a scoop behind the sheer fabric).

Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife
Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife
Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife
NonsuchCastle · 24/09/2024 00:20

Your underwear is really important. Get some kind of "bodysuit" or proper foundation garment - not necessarily one of those armour-like ones, but something that completely smoothes you so that the dress will look fab.
Like primer but for the body.