Transformational advice needed to out-do ex's new wife

[stilllostinthecity]

I hoped that would get your attention!
Background - 15 years ago my husband had an affair and our marriage broke up with him leaving the family when our kids were aged 4 and 11. That woman is still on the scene, we have never spoken more than a few words, he co-parented reasonably over the years till the kids were older. That woman had a couple of kids with him, put on weight and I would say, aged badly (ha!).
Roll the clock forward - my elder son is getting married in December and my ex and that woman (she has no name to me!) will be coming - obviously, there will be absolutely no outward tension coming from me, it will be my son's day with his lovely new wife and it is absolutely not going to be a day of old dramas.

However - I want to look really good to sort of show him what a f**k up he made!!! I should add, that I have been in a new relationship myself for more than ten years, my new bloke, is a real silver fox, plus a lovely kind person too. He will be looking his best as I am buying him a new suit :)

I should add that I live in jeans and t shirts or sportwear (running/walking). I wear trousers and short jackets for work, I have a few dresses but if I do wear a dress I don't do ultra formal, I don't wear heels and I always really struggle to find the right shoes/ jacket to go with something.

Where do I even shop for something to wear? Can anyone suggest some links? Ideally I will be needing not just a dress but a jacket (I prefer short jackets) and shoes too - is this too much to ask of you mumsnet!? Just think of it as some revenge dressing ;)

What do you need to know?

As far as my figure and build - I am fit and active, 58 years old. Five foot five, size 14 bust, 12/14 at the bottom. Slim hips and good legs.

What don't I want?
I prefer a length that sits just above my knees, I think my legs are a stong point.
I don't have big bum or thighs, so I am not needing to cover up - or show off those, I usually go for something reasonably slim fitted round the bum.
I have a bit of tummy, but not really an issue, 10.5 stone.
Upper arms - I really prefer to cover these and it is a Dec wedding so going to be cold between church and venue. I actually prefer a long sleeve, sheer rather than frilly.
Cleavage, I am a 36/38, I prefer a scooped neck (not a dress that goes to the chin) as otherwise it seems to make my bust look huge. No collars, I am quite plain and I think they make me look old fashioned. Bust is a strong point.
Colour, I am spring colours - love blues / blue greens. Def not black / red etc
Price - not really a budget as such - up to £200-300 but great if it was cheaper!

I really like this sort of thing but the arms are out! so if I did get something like this I would prefer arms! Also I realise it is slightly longer than my preference:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su320381/e08139#e08139

Thank you everyone xxx

Personally I think if you want to upset your ex, it's less about looking good and more about looking rich. It's unlikely he's going to have his nose put out of joint by a nice dress, but if he thinks you and silver fox are doing very nicely for yourselves thank you, and better than him, that will probably grind his gears a bit.

They have shared literally the most fundermental and important things in life .They were once in love and their DNA has made new humans. I think it's ok if something still resonates.
Op has moved onwards and upwards but no reason to pretend he was never relevant.

The wool and silk one is gorgeous.

Kaleidoscope - have a look, are true to size, linked to Freemans now I think.
plus if appropriate a decent size fascinator or hat in matching colour, try a lot on and rent or buy, there will be lots of local suppliers as you must try it on with your outfit.
Knock them out !

I had no clue where to start. A friend advised me to get a personal shopper at John Lewis and it was brilliant. Brought me things I would never have looked at, and nothing was too much trouble. Shoes, bags etc. just brilliant. Another tip was to make an appointment with one of the beauty counters, prior to the personal shopper so you feel glam to start off with. Got my outfit which I was delighted with and went back to the make up counter and bought a couple of the products. So glad I did it.

Go be your best self OP. It's a special day so hope you feel great. It's bloody naive to think no one will be making the comparison on the day - so it's worth thinking about.

My mum (who turns 70 soon) wore a double breasted slouchy orange trouser suit to the last wedding she attended. She looked sensational. It was cool and relaxed. I think she wore trainers. She's not a person who cares much for fashion and clothes everyday but pulled out a very cool look by trying something different. I think the chiffon MoB stuff on here is a bit dated and not that fun.

Get something that feels good without heels or Spanx. Lean into your natural style (glam, sporty, elegant, bohemian etc). You'll want to be the very shiniest version of yourself (and likely you won't think about ex or his wife on the day).

I agree with @nodogz I think you may feel more comfortable in a trouser suit and the ones further down the thread (M&S teal velvet) looked impressive.

Saw this on instagram earlier though: www.freemans.com/products/together-jacquard-maxi-dress//A-59E50826?PFMrsn=browse&PFMref=false&PFMpsp=own&PFMlpn=6

With some gold sandals/kitten heels.

Coast / Reiss or Karen Millen - or Sosandar - always have a sale on and fabulous dresses or sign up to Brand Alley and buy something really special at a reduced price!

I just want to feel confident and as relaxed as possible, considering the woman who knowingly slept with my husband when he had a young family will be my guest, literally, it is inevitably stressful. But as I said, there will be no vibes or drama from me on the day and my son has no idea it is a stress to me as I don't want him to be worrying about us

I thought I understood until this. What do you mean people will, literally, be your guests? Is it not your DS and future DIL getting married, so you are all their guests? Or, is there now a seperate function you are putting on, sorry if so, I’ve missed it on skimming.

Depends who’s paying perhaps. I hope you look fabulous on the day op. I can totally understand the desire to control the narrative. Yours is to look breezy and a life lived well despite tang adversity.

Just be happy...15 years is loooong to still be thinking about revenge
I'm sure you will look stunning but is he likely to notice??
No.

OP

I know you have given your age and size but in my mind you are wearing the Diana, 'revenge dress'.

Wouldn't the Diana dress be great though, even if dated and inappropriate? 🙂

A teal trouser suit sounds great, and the M&S one looks good.Velvet is great for a winter wedding, it sounds as though a trouser suit would fit your usual look well and suit you. And it is a modern, empowered look.

But it might be worth going to Selfridges/ John Lewis/ Harvey Nicks and taking a look at the designer trouser suits and similar, and considering whether you want to go a bit luxe (if you can afford it). Especially if it is something you can wear again.

I remember laughing out loud when I saw Diana in that dress - marvellous moment. (But no, don't go there. It'll look like you've been thinking of nothing else since 1994.)

They have shared literally the most fundermental and important things in life .They were once in love and their DNA has made new humans. I think it's ok if something still resonates.
Op has moved onwards and upwards but no reason to pretend he was never relevant.

Ahh that's sweet.

But most people who get divorced like to pretend that never happened. Yuck, I don't want reminding that me and my ex husband ever shared anything!

What I don't understand is: the OP says she has great legs so is looking for something on the knee or just above, and they carry weight around the stomach so don't want that area to be fitted. Then loads of posters suggest midi dresses with tight waists - the literal opposite cut of what suits the OP best. I have terrible legs and a small waist - and most of the suggested dresses are ideal for flattering my body type which is the absolute opposite of OP's body type.

The OP apparently wants to convey the message that her current life is thriving and successful.

For that she needs to look both wealthy (as pp suggested) and fashionable. To show that she and her new partner are aware of newness and have the money to access the best of the very latest ‘designer’ clothes.

It doesn’t matter how good her legs may be - swathed in cheap chiffon to ‘show them off’ she runs the risk of looking (dreaded words) frumpy and old fashioned. There are countless posts bringing vital news of the most boring, predictable mid-range High Street stores. It’s almost laughable that anyone on a Style & Beauty board thinks these outdated brands will cause the ex and his wife to fall back in awe and wonder.

The OP (who is evidently hosting the wedding) would do better to spend a week on a dream holiday prior to the event - return looking rested and relaxed, with professionals ready to assist with hair and make up - and have ready a rented outfit from a recognised designer, complete with Gucci or Chanel accessories.

Traditionally, they would all be guests of the bride's parents, but as @Mummyoflittledragon says, it depends who's footing the bill and maybe, for whatever reason, OP is.

Nope, take the attitude and the confidence but not the actual dress.

Sorry yes, have had a glass or two of holiday wine.

You're right of course.

A big smile, classic manicure, good blow dry and amazing perfume will have you radiating enough ‘thank fuck you left us’ energy to help you enjoy your sons big day.

I’d agree with this, go elegant, gorgeous hair, subtle makeup, check it photographs well. That dress has quite a lot happening between the sheer handkerchief hem and the ruching tbh.

I hope you find something. I thought maybe something like this? I find the ruching quite forgiving on tummies. Spanx are brilliant for smoothing that area. https://www.freemans.com/products/adrianna-by-adrianna-papell-short-satin-dress/_/A-25C593_14?PFM_rsn=browse&PFM_ref=false&PFM_psp=own&PFM_pge=1&PFM_lpn=5