"Menopausal blonde" hair - why do women do it?

[ISeriouslyDoubtIt]

Just been to lunch with a group of friends aged late fifties to early sixties whom I've known for decades. Of course we're all looking older, but none of us are the type of people who have Botox/fillers/tweakments, but we all wear some make up and at various times most have dyed their hair.
I'm a natural redhead but started to go grey in my thirties and then dyed my hair for 25 years till COVID when I grew it out and stayed white/grey, it looks fine and better than dyed red hair with an older face.
Several of the group have dark hair, brown eyes and olivey skin. All of them, as they got into their fifties, started dyeing their hair a yellowy blonde. Without fail it looks awful, it just doesn't suit their skin tones at all. They would look better if they just let the grey come through, or have it dyed a lighter brown.
I see so many women of a certain age with this generic blonde, on people that aren't naturally blonde it invariably looks wrong, why do they do it?

But for brunettes who haven't gone completely grey yet, doesn't going blonde result in dark roots that are at least as noticeable as the grey roots would be if you dyed your hair your natural colour? Or are we talking about women who are already mostly grey?

(I'm brunette with a fair bit of grey, mainly around my temples, but most of my hair is still dark. Not really sure what to do about it. Currently just getting highlights.)

Someone I know keeps her dark hair dark ( and looks lovely) but she needs to have it done every three weeks. That is a huge commitment.

DIY dark could be a fiasco.

So many people taking your post way too personally OP. While it's fine for them to pile on and tear you apart or judge others by saying how being grey ages women by twenty years! Honestly the hypocrisy is ridiculous. I love grey hair and think you have to be very careful about dying it, sometimes it looks good and sometimes it doesn't.

This sounds like you're disappointed that they haven't chosen to go with the natural grey look that you have.

You may think your look is better and theirs worse, they may well think the opposite.

Personally I think it's rare for natural grey to look beautiful and flattering, ditto pixie/very short cuts. Mostly I think it looks like the women can't be arsed making an effort anymore. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You don't sound like a very nice person

It’s quite sad to see op questioning why women would dye their hair a certain colour.
It really doesn’t affect you, why even ask?
When I go grey, I’ll be doing all I can to keep some colour in my hair. Each to their own.

I do know what you mean OP, I was out with 18 women last night ranging from mid 40s to late 60s and I was one of 2 brunettes, 16 blondes.

I think it is done simply because grey regrowth shows less in blondes, plus there is the firmly ingrained belief that grey makes you look old or = 'letting yourself go'.

I think / hope the next generation going grey will do it differently and won't waste so much time, money and energy hiding their natural hair colour.

Nasty thread title and smug pretence about being far too lofty to talk about hair, yuk.

I took the OP more along the lines of why is it that most women do dye their hair blonde when it starts to go grey? It seems like almost everyone does it.

Don't let this thread put you off.

Deal with the gray the way that works best for you.

This.

No great mystery, each to their own.

I've been dying my hair menopausal blonde since I was early 20s. Still doing it at 39. Mine is so dull/mousy it almost looks grey naturally.

Who needs enemies with friend like you why don’t you say this to their faces 😂

Ageing is hard. I haven’t even got to the really tough bits yet ( wrinkles, completely saggy boobs, “man face”) and I’m already finding it hard not to be a taut size 6 with glowing complexion. But I do believe we just have to be kind to ourselves and the women who accept it gracefully do in my honest opinion look so much better than the ones who fight it. I’m determined to be one of them but can understand why people crack and do odd things ( blonde dye, Botox etc ) . Because it is funny not to be “yourself” anymore. Going through puberty feels like change that means you are becoming yourself. Getting old feels like you are leaving yourself behind. I have so many questions like do you actually have to pull the skin to get the foundation in the creases. None of it sounds fun but I can see it coming like an express train with its front light blaring!

Thank you. It was just a question exactly for that reason.
I do think people are taking it personally. I don't care whether they dye their hair or not, I don't think grey hair is better as a poster has suggested I do, that would be massively hypocritical of me since I dyed my hair for a quarter of a century.
On me I think grey hair is better at the age I am.
I was curious to find out why, if you're going to dye your hair, you wouldn't try to find a colour that looked more appropriate for your skin tone, and I don't think the yellow blonde that many middle aged women have, suits people who were naturally dark haired and dark eyed with olive toned skin.
It's interesting that so many posters have concluded that I must be an utterly dreadful person to have such a thought in my head. I can almost guarantee that those posters have, if they're my sort of age, seen in their lives at some point, at least one of their friends wearing something or doing something with their hair etc, that they thought didn't really suit them.Having such a thought, which you don't tell your friends, doesn't make you a terrible person.

I think you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think most solid coloured hair looks a bit weird as you get older, and I agree that the ubiquitous blonde highlighted bob that 70% of women over 60 have is a bit boring. But I also think grey can be hard to pull off. I've no idea what the answer is - presumably to fall off your perch before the first silvers come in.

At 60 I'm ageing all over my face and body. I still feel exactly like myself, in fact more so really, because age gives you the ability not to care about anyone else's expectations about what I should be like.
I accept it because it's a total waste of time and energy not to. Fighting against it, having stuff injected into your face, doesn't make you look younger, it just makes you look like someone who has had work done. Even if someone thought I looked 55 instead of 60 it wouldn't change my life at all. We are all ageing and we will all die.
Of course people should try to eat in a reasonably healthy way, do a bit of exercise, don't smoke and don't drink too much, but those things apply to all ages.
I look at my 86 year old mother's face, yes I see many lines and wrinkles and sagging, but to me she looks beautiful and those wrinkles mean nothing. I saw a programme with Judith Dench the other day, she is 89 and still looks beautiful even though she has a face full of lines.
Re foundation, for me the secret is to wear much much less makeup, I wear a Chanel very very light one that just gives a very thin veil so doesn't go into lines. I've stopped wearing under eye concealer because it went into the lines and emphasized them rather than disguising.

I think it comes down to you coming on here to say how 'awful' your friends look. I think it just isn't something many posters in this thread would do, including myself.

Only your friends have the answer as to why they dye their hair a colour - 'yellow blonde' - you think doesn't look good. So you really would need to ask them.

Thanks! It’s a really tricky thing to ask people IRL!

I think your approach is exactly the right one, and I’m trying hard to be like you. I’ve definitely made peace with my “softened” waistline.

I went grey in my 30s. I can see why they've gone for a blonde because as I've got older the white has become very, very pronounced in my roots. Personally I like a half-head of highlights which allows me to maintain my natural (not blond) colour without having to go to the hairdresser every fortnight. If I went blonde, I'd prefer an ashy blonde, but I have pink tones in my skin which a yellow blonde would really bring out and not in a good way. But if they're happy and confident in their choice of colour then that's all that matters really.

Can I ask please how many of you use box dyes to go blonde? And do they ruin your hair if you're grey the same as it does if you're dark?
My dd was blonde for a good few years but had to give it up as it destroyed her hair and it's put me off.
I couldn't afford the hairdressers every few weeks, I use a semi permanent colour trying to keep my hair in decent condition but I'm fighting a losing battle now.
I had it bleached once years ago and it ruined it. (Box dye) so I've stuck to semi permanent ever since.

I'm olive skinned with very dark (originally!) hair and eyes. Been dyeing it since I was about 28 as we all go grey early in our family. In the last 5 years I've resisted the hairdresser's pleas to go lighter to ease the grey roots I complain so much about. Resistant because my dark hair was always my trademark and that mid life blonde thing feels like I'm giving up on the real me. However, another point is that skintone tends to lighten with age (as my mother never tires of telling me), therefore it's less ageing to lighten one's hair - up to a point, I'm sure that's right as very dark "helmet" hair on very old people looks wrong too, but at 51 my skin and eyebrows etc are still very dark - so I'm clinging on!!

The anger on this thread is interesting. The op raised a valid point. Dying your hair blonde in middle age is really very common now. I was with two female friends at the weekend, both have done it. Both did it to “blend the grey” both I could see deep grey roots, particularly at the back of their heads, it is just an as obvious in the daylight. Anyone who thinks it isn’t is kidding themselves. It’s also really difficult to keep looking good, ie not brassy or bleached unless you’ve a good hairdresser managing it.

i did know a woman a few years ago, she highlighted hers. Blonde highlights and streaks, said she’d never ever had a full head of colour. It looked fantastic and was very natural due to the different colours of blonde in there.

Highlights and some tint work really well for hair that is all sorts of colours like mine. I wouldn't have a total dye one colour.