"Menopausal blonde" hair - why do women do it?

[ISeriouslyDoubtIt]

Just been to lunch with a group of friends aged late fifties to early sixties whom I've known for decades. Of course we're all looking older, but none of us are the type of people who have Botox/fillers/tweakments, but we all wear some make up and at various times most have dyed their hair.
I'm a natural redhead but started to go grey in my thirties and then dyed my hair for 25 years till COVID when I grew it out and stayed white/grey, it looks fine and better than dyed red hair with an older face.
Several of the group have dark hair, brown eyes and olivey skin. All of them, as they got into their fifties, started dyeing their hair a yellowy blonde. Without fail it looks awful, it just doesn't suit their skin tones at all. They would look better if they just let the grey come through, or have it dyed a lighter brown.
I see so many women of a certain age with this generic blonde, on people that aren't naturally blonde it invariably looks wrong, why do they do it?

Why is it gross and ageist? She's talking about women of that age, not about you. And I write that as a perimenopausal fake blonde (who hasn't seen grey hair yet!)

Some of these women ( not necessarily the ones in your friendship group) may be smokers and the yellow blonde is their grey that has a nicotine tinge. That's what my dm's hair was like until she stopped smoking in her early 70s. Then it turned a cool toned grey.

Yup, I'm currently growing out the final part of blonde, which is utterly hideous against my skin tone. My grey/white hair is far, far more flattering, although I do need to be careful with 'subtle' colours - I wear a lot of navy, green and brighter cool tones.

I started reading this thinking you were going to compare your group of friends with another unknown table of blondes, which would have been bad enough, but no, you're actually bitching about your own friends.

What's the need? You're happy with your hair, so why do you care what your friends do with theirs?

I love the short silvery blonde bob! It is the new cauliflower head and a right of passage. I looked around at a mates wedding last week and counted 23! They were all gorgeous!

The question is is to get the right tone of blond for your skin. That is quite a skill. Also, many women who dye their hair don't seem to use conditioner, so their hair doesn't shine. But apart from that I like it.

I actually agree with you op, although I see you’ve caused mucho outrage,

My friends are going similar. Every one their hairdressers recommended it. It is very very common for women who reach a certain age to go blonde now. And of course blonde really needs doing by the hairdresser in many instances as box dyes can be brassy.

im brunette and will stay that way, just I soften the colour to make it warmer, but its easier to use a box dye as a brunette. I use Josh woods and find it a million times better than the likes of nice and easy. It hardly fades and the root touch up is excellent.

How old are these mates?

Of course you can stay dark as you age, my grandmother kept her hair brunette till she died in her late eighties. However the hairdresser warmed it up, she went from dark ash brown of her youth, to a light warm chestnut. Now no 9ne thought it natural but genuinely worked well and suited her skin tone. Thr other grandmother went grey and cut it short. She also suited it. Each to their own.

I wanted to stay dark, but I've been going grey since my 20s and the grey was through every 3 weeks and it looked shit. Especially as mine is more white than grey, so really shines through.

Apparently if you were blonde as a kid, you'll suit it as an adult. I've been blonde for a good while now and it definitely gives me more time before the grey reappears.

The trouble with trying to stay dark is that the dark ends up looking reddish where it's v grey.

OP I’m glad you are not my friend - you’re quite mean, I wonder what your “friends” would think if you said this to them.

I think that’s the dye itself. When it’s breaking down it fades, and goes red, really common with cheaper box dyes.

I said it to one of my mates. She said she was going blonde at her next appt, I said women if a certain age do that all the time now, to manage rhe grey and she said yup basically. Not sure anyone who has done it pretends it’s for any other reason.

If I left my hair grey it would look and feel like a brillo pad.

I have gone blonde, but it's not 'generic' and it does suit my skin tone because I'm nowhere near as dark now.

My eyebrows are still dark (what there is of them) but my fringe covers that problem

Grey, sadly, does not suit everyone and not everyone goes a nice shade. I doubt I'll ever go white

I see so many women of a certain age with this generic blonde, on people that aren't naturally blonde it invariably looks wrong, why do they do it?

Because it’s someway between their darker colour and being grey or white? I don’t think I’ll be ready to go grey any decade soon. I know a couple of people that have in their 50s and it has made them look old and blah.

My hair has very clear root growth after 3 weeks. It would cost a fortune to keep dyeing

Blonde can go to 5 weeks if I'm lucky

The Op is quite the charmer isn't she. Imagine actually sitting down after lunch and writing

Just been to lunch with a group of friends aged late fifties to early sixties whom I've known for decades.

And then slagging off your friends.

Died blond hair is less ageing than died brunette hair.

Not everyone has the confidence to go grey.

Interesting to read all the replies.
I used the term " menopausal blonde" as a shorthand for middle-aged women( all of the ones I've mentioned have been through the menopause) who dye their hair themselves a yellowish blonde. These people aren't getting it done at a salon.
It's not a misogynistic term, the fact is it really does only relate to women, you don't see many dark haired dark eyed men dyeing their hair yellow blonde in mid-life, thank god. They have the sense to go grey naturally.
I think it's more misogynistic to tell women who decide to go grey that they look 10 or 20 years older, how many of those posters go round saying men who go grey look 10 or 20 years older? Very few I imagine because all comments about grey hair seem to be reserved for women.
My question wasn't regarding women who dye their hair yellow blonde when that was their natural colour, or when they naturally had mousey or light brown hair, because those people often have skin and eye tones that suits a yellow blonde. I was talking about people whose eyes and skin tone definitely don't suit it. Perhaps if they went to a hairdresser then the hairdresser might suggest doing something different.
I see what posters are saying about how going lighter blends in more with greys, that's partly why I stopped dyeing my hair because I thought the regrowth line looked infinitely worse than grey all over. However there are lots of blonde or light brown shades that would blend in better with their skin tones, it doesn't have to be that yellow blonde. I've seen plenty with platinum hair or more ashy for example that looks great. I don't like pink or purple hair either on women of any age.
I wouldn't dream of telling them what I thought of their hair, I assume they like it or they wouldn't do it.
I also assume that if they somehow found out I didn't like it they wouldn't give a flying fuck, that wouldn't be a reason to stop our long friendship. I wouldn't care one bit if they didn't like my hair, I have no idea what their opinion of it is.
One of the best things about getting older is doing what you want and not caring one jot about getting any one else's approval and that includes how you look.
Posters who've suggested bringing the subject up, we just don't talk about things like appearances, ageing, hair, weight, clothes or anything to do with how we look, we've got so many other things to talk about, we've never really talked about those things. I suppose as people it's never been something we've been particularly interested in.

Ok….

Because, a lot of women get to their 50's and decide to do what they like, to please themselves and do what makes them happy when they look in the mirror.
Sometimes this comes after years of pleasing others or years of reading fashion advice telling them what they should and shouldn't do and then they wake up one day and think ...
' what a fucking scam that all was' from now on I'm going to do what makes ME happy.
These tend to be the same women who love their friends and don't judge their clothing, weight and hairstyle choices too.

It's not a misogynistic term, the fact is it really does only relate to women, you don't see many dark haired dark eyed men dyeing their hair yellow blonde in mid-life, thank god. They have the sense to go grey naturally.

The sense? Or perhaps the luxury of being male in a patriarchal world where they’re largely allowed to age naturally without censure? As a woman you can opt out of toeing the line but not out of the impacts of doing so.

If even a smidge of this 'we don't really talk about that stuff' were true then why - in the name of the sisterhood - would you start such a skin-deep, women-bashing thread?

You lack self-awareness and the confidence to realise all this projected concern of your own friends' hairstyles is about your own fear of aging.

Let people do what they want to do about their looks.

END. OF. DISCUSSION.

Referring to men as 'having the sense to go grey naturally' is nothing more than justifying your own - absolutely reasonable - choices. Maybe you fear the judgement that people might see you and think 'wow, she gave up on herself', but please, please stop this transparent piousness about ageing gracefully when everything you say about others is absolutely dripping in disdain.

Interesting comment. I think it depends on who you surround yourself with and whether you allow your life to be dominated by media. In my friendship groups and amongst family there have been no negative impacts on the women that go grey, as I've mentioned no one I know has anything like Botox etc, so we all age naturally( apart from some dyeing their hair). It hasn't affected anyone's career, in fact I imagine for the one who's a judge it adds gravitas.
What negative impacts are you referring to?