To be grey or not to be grey?

[Supersares]

So I’ve been thinking about stopping dying my hair to let it go grey naturally and would love to hear from anyone who has done the same. For context, I’m 49 with naturally dark brown shoulder length hair (currently dyed but with increasing greyer roots!).
My youngest is still in primary school so wouldn’t want to be mistaken for her gran and DH is 5 years younger than me so I’m concerned it would age me too much if I did ditch the dye…but I like the idea of saving money on hair dresser trips and potentially improving the condition of my hair too. Anyone else in a similar position?

I've decided to stop getting highlights in mine as I was sick of the battle with the brassiness of dyed hair and constantly putting purple shampoo on them. I'm only 12 weeks since my last colour so the grey is only just starting to show through. My hair is naturally mousy blond an I'm hoping the grey will just blend in naturally as my hair is naturally cool toned anyway. I'm 51

Here's my hair.

I started to go grey in my teens, I have very cool colouring, it used to be a very dark brunette.

I actually think it suits me better silver.

As my name suggests I am grey - grown out in lockdown and to be honest get loads more compliments about my hair now than when I was try v hard to maintain dark brown of my youth. Colleagues in their 30s at work think it’s fabulous - it’s all sorts of colours from white to steel/dark grey. Yes it helps to spend a bit more time looking after it than when dyed but it’s far less faff styling and getting it trimmed than the big block of time it used to take getting it dyed

Thank you. It’s kind of you to say.

I think grey only looks good if you're styled...like a pp said, chuck it up in a messy ponytail and no make up, and it will look frumpy.

I looked ‘frumpy’ like that with it dyed.

I think some people like to make this into a feminist statement but its really the same concept as men and grey beards. A well conditioned, close trimmed silver beard = amazing!
Grey stubble = hobo.

Dyeing hair for women = close shave for men

Give it a shot, OP, and see if you like it. I know some people who went grey and love it and have never looked back and I know others who felt dowdy being grey and went back to colouring their hair. There's no right or wrong, just whatever makes you feel your best when you look in the mirror.

I see your point. Many people do care very much about 'looking younger', it's a fallacy though isn't it?

Equating looking young with looking good?

If looking good equates to sexual attraction, then sure, looking young has it's perks.

But from a purely aesthetic point of view, young doesn't necessarily = good. It just equals young.

There are aesthetically beautiful people of all ages. I'd wager that the most beautiful women are those in their 70s+ who had fantastic bone structure when young. Those women can look absolutely extraordinary.

@JeysusH Well it does depend on what you mean by looking good. I do think that looking good is related to health at the very least and and health and youth are related so looking good and young is about more than just attraction and fertility directly.

I also do agree that you can be beautiful at any age but in terms of cultural norms and how a person is perceived by the vast majority of people youth tends to be valued as a fundamental factor of beauty i.e. she is beautiful vs she is beautiful for her age.

Brown hair here and greying, never dyed and not planning to, I prefer a natural look and simply can’t be bothered with trying to appear something I’m not, just go for it, you can always dye back if you get tired of grey! A friend in her 70s recently did that after ditching the dye for a while. The beauty of hair is it tends to grow back for most.

@JeysusH your hair is stunning, I was hoping mine would be silver grey like this as my mum’s was by 45 but I’m still 80% mouse/ash brown and heading towards 60. I don’t think you have to have short hair either if it’s grey/when you get to a certain age etc, life is too short for all these rules!

@GreyRooted you look beautiful and I wouldn’t have said you look 48 you look a good deal younger.

I think we're not used to women 'owning' their greys but I'm seeing it more and I like it. It's just a hair colour really rather than the huge focal point many think it is. I'm getting my first greys in my late thirties and I'm okay with them.

No. I absolutely reject the old 'beautiful for her age'. Beauty is absolute. One is beautiful or they're not.

Health and youth are only related because it's easier to be healthy when one is young. Most three year-olds look utterly luminous (when not snotty).

Beauty is about more than the glow of youth. Very few people are actually beautiful, many people look great when they're young, but actual beauty, when the face and body work well with classical proportions? That transcends age, race...

A beautiful person would not be diminished by hair colour.

What a lovely thing to say, thank you. It’s not often I’m called beautiful!

Like a PP said, I’ve had more compliments about my grey hair than I ever had about my brown hair.

No. I absolutely reject the old 'beautiful for her age'. Beauty is absolute. One is beautiful or they're not

Well that's clearly not true, as beauty is subjective, it can't be absolute

Check out Silver Sisters on Facebook.

I went grey 4 years ago and I love it. I am 37.

This is my second go of going to grey

I had my first grey hairs poking through at 7 , by time I left school I was having to dye it , but back then I would go for colours like aubergine, plum etc ( my natural hair colour was very very dark brown, near black )

I let it go grey 10 years ago in my late 40's and kept it grey for a long time. Then depression took hold and I started to dye it again in an effort to feel good, only this time I went totally mad and went blue, purple, black - you name it I tried it. Finally wised up, had the colours stripped which left me completely ginger, and not a pretty ginger, so went back to brunette

I decided summer last year that enough was enough and stopped dying. Ive just one more cut to go and Ill be 100% grey again aged 60

Just yesterday a friend Ive not seen for a while came around and the first words out of her mouth were "oh I dont like that, nooo, you look so much better with it brunette, nope dont like it " . I hadnt asked her opinion, and I turned around and said you her, good job its not you having to live with it then isnt it :)

People do comment, its natural and you do have to be thick skinned

Yes I possibly do look older, I dunno, I see my face every day so its hard to tell. My face is showing age changes anyway, Im getting fine lines and Ive go a wrinkle down one side of my mouth. I am aging , the skin everywhere is getting loser , my knees hurt, my gums are shrinking

I cant reverse that, so I just make sure that I look my best. That my hair is clean and styled, eyebrows tidy and dyed ( yep they have gone grey as well ) clothes fit well and suit me etc etc

My MIL had the most beautiful white hair that framed her face beautifully and yes of course she was old, even on her death bed, from cancer, her face was still framed with this beautiful white hair and gave her a beauty even through the ravages cancer was wreaking upon her

I dunno about where you live but here, grey has been embraced by youngsters who are paying to have it coloured grey

I think with going grey you really do need to get the cut right. Atm Im sporting a cut like Jaimie Lee Curtis which is too short for me really ( living with it so I get most of the ginger cut out as quickly as possible ) I will keep the style of cut but wear it a bit longer on the top

I am 56 and feel I’m a similar spot. Went from mid brown —> blonde/ish after lockdown and loved it. It was quite marmite for friends and family. Now increasingly feel time has come to go grey.

Changed hairdresser after super expensive one kept poo-pooing the idea. Am doing it in stages. Have stopped dying roots and just have hi-lights. Will do less of those over time.

Following all the comments with interest.
Will try to add inspiration photo of Naomi Watts.

I would disagree a little there.

There is the golden ratio, that is pleasing to look at. Be it faces, buildings, bodies, trees...

That's not to say that some people aren't subjectivity beautiful. But that's where personality, a relationship, prevailing culture, and a million other factors come into play.

Naomi Watts is still fully blonde though, isn't she?

@ScubaDivingSpiderMonkey I am not sure as I just kept this one photo. My hair dresser thought she was growing it out /transitioning. I will have a look to see what’s she’s doing. Then again, I don’t want to get swayed on my plans. …

I grew mine out a couple of years ago at 44. My natural colour was very dark brown/nearly black but I've had greys since my late teens. I find it irritating that because the norm is to dye your hair, grey is associated with age. I have found though that generally younger women are much more accepting and complimentary about it.

I let my hair go grey during lockdown when I was 58/59. I love the freedom, and have had lots of compliments, strangely, mostly from men.

But then I was a grandmother by then, and my DH is the same age as me and already grey. I'm not sure I would be ready at 49 with a young child and younger husband.

I think you should start using a temporary colour so the greys slowly show through. Then you can judge for yourself if you feel good about it or not.

I don't agree 'most other people' think the way you do.

You've got a fixed view, but I don't share it and think dyed hair can look incredibly unnatural on many people, so it is very obvious.