To be grey or not to be grey?

[Supersares]

So I’ve been thinking about stopping dying my hair to let it go grey naturally and would love to hear from anyone who has done the same. For context, I’m 49 with naturally dark brown shoulder length hair (currently dyed but with increasing greyer roots!).
My youngest is still in primary school so wouldn’t want to be mistaken for her gran and DH is 5 years younger than me so I’m concerned it would age me too much if I did ditch the dye…but I like the idea of saving money on hair dresser trips and potentially improving the condition of my hair too. Anyone else in a similar position?

I don't see any insults to women who chose not to go grey. I really, truly don't judge women who dye their greys. Why would I? It's a completely personal choice.

I do see many posts unequivocally stating that it's ageing etc. There's a post further upthread saying 'I don't know why women don't dye their hair'. Which is an odd stance.

I really don't care what women do with their hair. My grey isn't political, it's not an IDGAF stance. It's just my hair colour.

I'm always a bit bamboozled that it's so devisive. I'm not sure why other women's hair colour is such a source of discussion.

Dye your hair, don't dye your hair, all good. But do stop making silly statements.

In my experience, women who look really great with grey hair use grey toners to get the shade right.

I'm also 49, with my youngest child in primary school, a DH who is 5 years younger and shoulder length dark brown hair! Are you me?!
I'm not yet ready to go grey although I think it looks beautiful on other women. I dye my hair at home with Chestnut Henna (brand is "it's pure". It's cheap and does the job.
One day I'll go for the grey look but for now I'm hanging on to my brown hair!

I dyed my hair for years but in the end it got so time consuming and I was always worrying about it.

Much easier now. Lockdown was helpful to assist with growing out the colour.

If I look older so be it. I'm in my 50s

I'm another who always pops up on these threads. I don't care what people do to their hair, but don't mind showing photos so show the difference in colours/shades of grey.

I have very very pale skin, before grey my natural colour was very dark brown, I still have black eyebrows and lashes.
I don't think my colour washes me out, I actually don't wear red lipstick anymore because I think that highlights my paleness more.
I also don't think it's aging on me, obviously some people might think it but they aren't rude enough to say 😄, and I do get lots of compliments on the colour.
I like it because its a bit different to the norm, I'm the only person in work ( a school) full of women, that has gone grey.

@GreyRooted I'm not a fan of grey hair in general but you look gorgeous and it definitely doesn't age you!

Can I just ask a question for my DM who's 82 but doesn't look it?

For years she's had salt and pepper grey hair, she used to be darkish brown haired (not a deep dark brown). Her hair is also fine and cut into a fringed bob. It looks very static, not smooth and I don't think she can use chemical hair dyes as she had a growth (luckily non cancerous) removed from her scalp area last year. She's not happy with the colour but doesn't know what to do. There used to be a great L'Oreal salon leave in smoothing conditioner for fine hair which worked well for her a few years but that got discontinued.

I have a hair oil from White Hot Hair, I use it on my ends as they can become tatty.
A little goes along way.
Maybe something like this would help?

I'm 47 and had not dyed my hair for months only had an inch or two at the bottom to go I was a medium dirty blonde
I thought I'd not dye again but I feel soooo dull so I've bought a beach blonde box to do and hopfully the weather will perk up with perked up hair

I couldn’t not dir my hair, I’ve been 100% grey since 40. I do my roots every 6 weeks though should really do it every 4 weeks. Within a week of having my roots done the greys pop up then I need to use L’oreal root touch up. I feel haggard when I can see my greys so will keep going to salon indefinitely. It does damage my hair which is why I allow 6 week gap and I put a lot of rosemary oils / coconut oil in my scalp as was losing hair. Also I have to do all over colour once every 4 months as it get ls brassy and I’m a brunette. I also use Olaplex after washing with leave in treatment plus oil. All these changes and my hair is longer and stronger and I do quite love my hair like this. It’s what ever makes you happy ladies, we are all different ❤️

I bet if the PoW decided to transition to grey and walked around with the roots showing, an overwhelming majority of women would do exactly the same.

I remember how horrible the press was about it when she had about an inch or less of roots on show at an official engagement! I believe she was pregnant at the time and it’s possible she was avoiding hair dye in the first few months. Poor woman, really unkind and uncalled for I thought.

Most definitely the opposite in my wealthy social circle.

@Secondstart1001 could you try foils instead of a block colour. I go every 8 weeks and have a mix of blondes and browns so the greys blend when they come through.

I grew mine out in the two years before lockdown (from about 48-50) and I’ve recently dyed it again. I dyed it for two reasons - it wasn’t grey enough, and I have always enjoyed experimenting with my hair and I got bored and fancied a change. I’m 55 now and I’m still about 70% natural so the greys were just making me look a bit faded and unkempt (in spite of a good haircut). I have to admit, I do look younger with my brunette hair, but I am looking forward to doing the whole glamorous mermaid thing when it is grey enough.

I'm going grey naturally and I have a white (silver) band of about an inch around the side of my face, I don't seem to have them anywhere else.

Like many on this thread, I started to get a few silver hairs in my teens, and have been dyeing it ever since. However, the colour was never quite right and would lift incredibly quickly, often leaving my hair look brassy. When the pandemic and lockdown happened, I took the opportunity to stop dyeing and grow my hair out - at this point, I was mid 40s. Although parts went the most beautiful shades of white and silver, much remained my natural nondescript brown. Even so, I loved the white and silver, particularly when my hair was pulled off my face. I think lighter hair around the face looks so much more flattering than darker hair as we age.

When I was diagnosed with cancer last summer, and then told I needed chemotherapy, part of the reason I opted not to cold cap was to let my hair fall out in the hope that when it started to regrow, it would be white, or else grey and silver. Yes, really. When I got a wig, I decided to get one in shades of silver and white and it suits me far more than my original hair colour ever did. That said, I rarely wore it. I have now finished chemo and annoyingly amazingly, I have retained about 15% of my original hair, all of which is brown. However, the regrowth is nearly all white which I am incredibly excited about. As horrible and emotionally difficult as losing my hair was, the decision to do so is proving one well made (even though it's going to take around 18-24 months to fully regrow my hair to a decent length).

I love grey hair on women. Growing up, some of the most stylish (older) women I knew did not dye their hair. Sarah Harris (an editor at Vogue) does not look older than her years, nor to many women who go grey. I have found the most pushback to be from those usually older women who still dye their hair in their 60s, 70s and later who are most appalled about younger women going grey, citing it's frumpy and ageing. I really disagree with this. I think many older women with obviously dyed block colour hair look far older. I used to work with a woman in her late 50s who did not dye her hair and it was about 60% grey. I saw her recently in the supermarket and she's succumb to hair dye. It's so harsh against her skin tone, and it makes her look so much older. Tbh, I did not even recognise her at first.

It's absolutely wonderful that you have come away with something to feel positive about after having such a tough time @doublec. My mum really struggled with losing her hair due to chemo. In her case it wasn't the colour that intrigued her when it started to grow back (it was already grey), it was discovering how well she suited very short hair. It was so sharp and easy to maintain and looked fabulous, so she kept it like that. I hope you love your 'new' hair.