To be grey or not to be grey?

[Supersares]

So I’ve been thinking about stopping dying my hair to let it go grey naturally and would love to hear from anyone who has done the same. For context, I’m 49 with naturally dark brown shoulder length hair (currently dyed but with increasing greyer roots!).
My youngest is still in primary school so wouldn’t want to be mistaken for her gran and DH is 5 years younger than me so I’m concerned it would age me too much if I did ditch the dye…but I like the idea of saving money on hair dresser trips and potentially improving the condition of my hair too. Anyone else in a similar position?

I’ve got lighter hair and still have quite a lot of my original colour but decided to stop dyeing it about 2 years ago after using a water colour dye for about 4 years. I used this conditioner to temporarily give some colour for about 18 months and let the old, dyed hair grow out.

My hair condition is much improved and I’m liking the shade I’m going. And I’ve saved so much at the hairdressers.

I haven’t done this yet as I’m not that grey and I don’t like my natural colour, I’ve been forced to stop dyeing mine with permanent dye to hair dye allergy. I would say try it and see and you can always dye it back if you really hate it. The other suggestion is go a bit lighter so your roots aren’t as contrasting or get highlights/lowlights etc to blend the grey in. You could also do that as your growing it out. Highlights/lowlights would be less maintenance than an all over colour.

I never went back to colouring my hair post lockdown. My hair is mid brown and I am increasingly grey through the hairline but quite a way from grey all over. As a mother of two young kids I got tired of spending half a day at the hairdressers getting it done!

I have mousey hair. I decided to embrace the grey during lockdown. I am early 40s with primary kids. I love it. The lighter stripes lift my face, and it has cooled down my naturally brassy tones. I am however about to leap into some silver ombre colouring (because it's likely I'll lose my hair from chemo and so I'm going to go a bit wild!).

Hair dye makes me itch, so I daren't use it in case of any worse reactions. So I've gone the highlights route to blend the grey in as much as possible.

I'm 48 with 2 DC in primary and I'm 70% grey. I love it and get loads of compliments and certainly don't get mistaken for my boys granny.

I was in exactly that position when I was 49. In spite of DH being 5 years younger, I heard him & his uni friends describe themselves as silver foxes and had a bit of a WTF moment as I calculated what I’d spent over the years on hair colour.
The one warning I would give: although I’ve found grey hair looks better in many ways (and condition is better too), if you’re feeling below par, you suddenly really look your age. When you’re feeling fit and healthy and have good clothes and a bit of lipstick on, you can look fab though.

I'm early 50s and took the opportunity to go grey during lockdown. I''m not mistaken as my son's grandmother because going grey has not made me look older, I just have a different hair colour.

My hair was always light brown and apart from once when I was 16 and not entirely sober, I've never dyed it. I'm now 66 and it is mostly grey, and I love it. I would never consider dying it.

I'm 48 and stopped colouring a couple of years before COVID. I am more salt and pepper than proper grey, would love to be more actual grey but will have to wait! I have found it liberating in that I now feel much more accepting that I look my age rather than trying to be younger. I'm proud and happy to be this age. My motivation was seeing women in their late 50s and early 60s at work who were still dyeing their hair dark when it was clearly all grey underneath. They looked so tired, sad and washed out and I didn't want to end up like that. Some people I know look amazing with dyed hair at that age but it it's high maintenance and is not a good look on everyone.

I will be 49 this year and have short dark brown hair with lots of grey at the roots. I use an ammonia free box dye at home like Garnier Olia or Schwartzkopf Oleo in a mid brown because I hate how aging the grey hair makes me look. I will keep going until I'm at least 50 and then reassess, depending on how much the grey has spread by then.

I stopped dying mine at 38, having had to use permanent dye to cover the grey since my 20's. At 51 I have mostly white hair with silver at the back and I get so many compliments about my hair.

Anyone I know who has gone grey has to pay attention to it though - pull it back in a messy ponytail and wear comfy clothes and you look extra frumpy. Get a sharp haircut and look put together it can look fab.

I am 52 with mid brown hair

i cover the grey with a bit of cassia every month (it’s called: It’s Pure: Blonde)

it’s a bit of a sludgy mess, and makes your head smell like a hay stack for a day but it does a lovely job of conditioning the hair and turning the greys to a light golden tone , so they blend in somehow

it contains no bleach or chemicals, it is essentially a colourless henna

i love it and it also makes my hair condition better

brown henna will be my next step once I have more grays

I use half a packet once a month so works out cheap

@mondaytosunday i don’t agree, I think long grey hair in a great updo (braids/buns) can look very cool/smart too

(Personally not a fan of “sharp” haircuts 😂)

I am not very grey yet but in my 40's and having to colour to cover my greys. I feel like if I go grey in my 60's I'll be grey for 20 years (hopefully) which is long enough for me.

I know people say grey is now cool but in my opinion it does age you. So a woman in her 40's might read as late 30's if she has coloured hair but if she has grey hair she'd read as 50+ not that she actually looks older or worse but its just a culturally known factor that grey hair = old. It sucks and I salute the women who don't care or try to change that but I'll keep colouring my hair for the next decade or so at least.

@MyFirstLittlePony I did brown henna i.e. Henna and Indigo (with a bit of cassia) for about a year, it is so difficult to get right. The greys come out garnet coloured and the brown hair came out a very dark brown / black with an burgundy tone. It also builds up over time and eventually goes super dark / black. If that works with your skin tone it could be fine but for me it just looked awful.

I might work better if your hair is mostly white / grey though.

I am using Elumen now and its quite good.

Apologies for everyone who might have seen my picture before because I post it on all these threads! I stopped dyeing due to allergy and I love it. It’s saved me a fortune. I get my hair trimmed every 6 weeks and it costs me £25. I was 43 when I stopped, 48 now and this was me a few months ago. I don’t think it’s aged me at all. I just look my age! Which is fine. I am lucky because my hair is still soft and shiny though and I know the opposite can be a problem for some people.

I don't agree with that.

Grey hair, or any colour hair is just a part of a package of how you're perceived.

Clothes, posture, skin, bearing, overall style and verve, have a general effect on how a person is seen.

And really, age is just a small part of that. There really is fuck-all wrong with looking older or one's age.

My aim is just to look great. My hair is a small (but significant) part of my overall look.

It's long, quite mad, and silver.

Who knows if it 'ages' me, it feels very much a part of me, and not an apology though.

I stopped two years ago. I got a kid in reception, if someone tells her by mistake I'm her grandmother don't worry she will say them she is my mummy. And tbh I don't bother because I kind of could be her grandma so no fuss about it.

It is quite trendy now leave your hair naturally go grey. The good stuff, if you don't like it you can dye it.

No never! I can’t bear any grey . It just doesn’t suit me as I’m naturally a warm blonde/brown and grey is too cool. I have a mixture of warm blonde and lighter blonde plus warm brown foils.I’m 53 and have some grey at the front if not dealt with.

@GreyRooted you look fabulous!

I have a friend who is 47 and has a grey buzzcut, she looks really sharp but she does always do her statement earrings, bright lipstick, and really considered clothes. If she were the type to wear oversized wool jumpers and no jewellery (that's me) she would look pretty severe IMO
So when people tell you it's amazing because its so low effort and low cost, pause for thought. Because the time and cost you save on dyeing your hair night get redirected into styling your hair/keeping your wardrobe looking good/accessories.

Grey hair can be smooth, soft and shiny and the white may be distributed uniformly, giving texture and highlights. It may be a flattering colour on your skin. Your hair density may still be good.

Grey hair can be coarse, patchy and an unflattering colour. You might have less hair than when you were younger.

So whether you dye or not will depend on whether the grey makes you look like Andie McDowell or Doc Brown.

I think you can look great with grey hair, beautiful even but its just a fact that most people equate grey hair with being older so they will automatically put you in the older age camp than they would if your hair was still brown, blonde or whatever.

Like you say you don't care if it ages you and I don't think you should but most people aren't doing a detailed analysis of you they take a quick look and think grey hair so not young. The same woman with nice skin, clothes, posture and all you say with her hair coloured nicely will be seen automatically as younger than the same woman with nothing altered but having grey hair.

I don't think there is anything wrong with looking older or you age but I am just being honest about what I think and what most other people probably think as well. OP does seem to care about being seen as older so I think its realistic to consider how hair colour affects how you are perceived.