To be grey or not to be grey?

[Supersares]

So I’ve been thinking about stopping dying my hair to let it go grey naturally and would love to hear from anyone who has done the same. For context, I’m 49 with naturally dark brown shoulder length hair (currently dyed but with increasing greyer roots!).
My youngest is still in primary school so wouldn’t want to be mistaken for her gran and DH is 5 years younger than me so I’m concerned it would age me too much if I did ditch the dye…but I like the idea of saving money on hair dresser trips and potentially improving the condition of my hair too. Anyone else in a similar position?

I’m 42 and have young kids. I’d been dying my hair dark brown for years after getting greys from 18. Grew it out 3 years ago; it took 18 months and have lived with it for another 18 months. It’s quite an even mousy brown with silvery highlights. I get a few nice comments and a few ‘aren’t you brave having it grey’.

I’ve decided to colour it again and had a colour consultation last week. The advice was that going back to my original colour would be very time and money heavy to keep up. They’ve suggested blonde highlights/ombré ish to blend it in so I can have it done every 6 months so going to give that a go.

At the start when I had it cut into a bob I was OK with the grey, but now it’s longer I feel a bit dowdy. I was hoping to be one of those people who didn’t care and to be comfortable in my own hair colour, but turns out I’m not.

@elbowedouttie Once I dared to say on Mumsnet that my personal view is that having grey hair does make you look older. People explained to me in very strident terms that I knew nothing and they looked simply decades younger by sporting grey hair. Who would have thought that having hair that was an almost unknown colour in young people would actually make you look younger? In fact they got quite abusive about it and some of them were very het up about it. I'm still blonde I have to say and dealing with looking like an old hag because I'd obviously look younger if my grey was showing.

I would really like to embrace my grey but it honestly looks dreadful with my roots coming in. I'm currently getting them done every 4 weeks at the hairdressers.

I'm 42, so getting older and feeling like I can't be arsed fighting against it anymore. The problem I have is that my natural hair is black. So when my roots come in, they're half black and half grey. It's very noticeable! Because I have such a dark natural colour, I really don't suit my hair being light. So not sure how that's going to go!! I've tried to go blonde in the past and I actually looked ill. I have very, very pale skin!

Any advice welcome

I'd put very good money on that conversation not happening as you described.

If I was a betting woman, I'd wager you made a comment to the effect that grey hair is an abomination and got your arse handed to you.

I don’t understand why people don’t dye their hair. I have always used box dyes and had loads of compliments on my hair - on the few occasions I had it done done at the hairdressers it came out as a very ‘flat’ and unnatural colour, whereas with the box dyes I have shades of highlights that look natural and roots are less obvious. My hair is naturally wiry but the colour makes it shinier. I would look ancient if I didn’t dye it and suspect my confidence would plummet. I am 63 but people assume I am in my mid fifties and people do have a perception about age and treat you accordingly. Look at the threads on here where people in their 60s are assumed to be ‘elderly’/set in their ways/desperate to retire/health issues/ fearful of being scammed/can’t use phone apps etc… I am none of those things and don’t want to be pigeonholed.

@Bewareofthisonetoo Its the same for me, box dyes looked pretty good to be fair but its I just cant be arsed any more in my case

Now part of that is that my eyesight is dreadful, I cant see a bloody thing without my glasses on and I was having to ask DH to help and Id end up with dye on my ears, around my neck, Ive got it on the ceiling ( bathroom in eaves so low ceiling ), got it on grout - everywhere - and then see once it was rinsed off and dry - missed a patch lol. Nope it was causing me stress. Ive 3 unopened boxes here as well

Like I say, this is my second foray into embracing the grey, I could quite conceivably change my mind again

@Bewareofthisonetoo

“I don’t understand why people don’t dye their hair.”

Allergies (in my case), money, time, can’t be arsed, don’t want to. I’m not sure what’s so hard to understand. Not everyone wants to conform to society’s narrow ideals. It’s interesting how men are often ‘distinguished’ when they go grey but when women do, they’re frumpy, old etc.

Even if I hadn’t developed an allergy, I was considering it anyway. My friend, who is now 54, had grown hers out and it looks amazing. I’m not claiming she looks younger, but she looks good.

I’m 52 and have gone lighter (caramel, am naturally dark brown) but can’t face letting the grey take over just yet. I have long curly hair and suspect I’d look like a witch.

In real life, the people I know that have done it do not look good, although they all love not having to dye it.

😂

I'm the hybrid of you and your friend as I have a grey buzzcut and also wear over-sized wool jumpers, no jewellery and I don't wear make-up!

Am regularly told that it looks great, and I know that I have inspired at least two other women to stop dying their hair.

I have naturally dark brown hair but like many people started to let the grey grow out during covid. I did have some highlights put in to soften the demarcation line for a while but it’s fully grey now. I’m saving myself a fortune - used to be around £97 for cut and colour - but the grey would start to show within a few weeks. Now it’s around £25 for a good cut. The condition of my hair is so much better with no dye or highlights. The only thing I use is a bit of dark grey hair powder on my hairline as it makes my parting look better and gives my hair a bit of depth.

I agree with this completely. Grey hair can of course look utterly fabulous on some people but it does make them appear older in age bracket.

If thats not something you are concerned about then sure, grow it out. If it is, then I would consider how it makes you feel first.

It's simply nature isnt it?- some people do go grey early but in general terms, losing pigment from your hair is a part of the ageing process so it's naturally associated with being older.

I have pale skin with green eyes, I wont go grey because it would make me look completely washed out if everything on me was pale. I need some colour to my face.

I stopped dying about a decade ago due to allergies and the fact I have roots after a week. I'm 47 now. Most people assume I'm blond rather than grey. My hair is softer and in loads better condition now. I also look at old pictures when it was dyed dark brown and can see how flat and aging that look was. I get a load of compliments on it, mainly from strangers. However these threads are always stalked by people who will tell you it is horrific to let yourself go, make yourself look old and that any compliments you receive are fabrication. It's quite tragic how some people make themselves feel better by putting others down.

My hair isn't grey enough or rather not enough of it is grey and I'm 58. I'm actually thinking of getting sections of it dyed grey bit by bit because having my hair coloured is getting on my nerves. It takes hours and costs a fortune.

It depends on whether the grey goes with your skin tone. I have a fully warm undertone and when my post chemo hair grew back totally grey, my face looked terrible. I suit dyed hair, I think.
If it suits your colouringto be grey, go for it.

I guess the main reason people see grey hair on women as aging is because so many women don't let their hair grey naturally so it's assumed you must be quite old to not care enough to dye it

O don't think it makes someone look older than they are though and I amnt too bothered by the opinion of people o don't respect

You can add ash/mushroom highlights to get progressively lighter so you end up with neutral hair. I did this for a few years, now I don't use anything and it was a pretty seamless transition to grey/silver.

I am 56 and for years used to henna my dark brown hair. The warmth of the henna really brightened my face . About 2 years ago I decided I was fed up with being paranoid about the bits of grey that were poking through.
so now I have some highlights and the Helena is nearly all grown out. I have flecks of grey through the front of my hair but at the back it is still dark chestnut brown. The hair highlights are not great for hair condition though.
grey hair can look stunning . It depends on the cut I think. It can also be terribly aging depending again on the cut and clothes worn.
Then again some people dye their hair to cover greys and the dye is too harsh and flat and doesn’t look good. It’s just a huge sign saying ‘I am covering my grey hair’

I get compliments on mine and a few folk have said they stopped dyeing theirs when they saw mine. Im not overly fussed about what other people think though. I’m cool toned and my hair is white/platinum. I used to be dark brown naturally. I really just got so fed up worrying about colouring it all the time.

I stopped colouring at 48, 51 now. I’m naturally brunette and it turns out not very grey - my hairdresser says about 5%. I have greys “sprinkled” throughout and then two white streaks, one at each ear. I wear my hair in a sharp bob which is cut every four weeks, and do always wear makeup/pay attention to clothes, but I did that when my hair was coloured anyway.

My mother (in her 70s) is the only person who’s been openly rude about it. She’s a rude person anyway, and maybe others are just more polite.

I'm 40 and haven't coloured my hair since lock down, my hair is dark brown and the grey streaks look like highlights.
I think my face looks better with the lighter effect, looking back at photos the blanket dark coloured hair looks a bit harsh.
I don't intend to colour it again, I also have a husband 4 years younger than me a primary school child, a pre schooler and I'm pregnant and I don't feel old.
I have quite course thick hair naturally and it's much softer and healthier with no chemicals.

I was 49 when I decided, during lockdown, that the grey hair that had grown in was actually quite nice and it was time to go grey. When the salons opened again, I had my hairdresser do one last colour for me: a full head of very light highlights to blend the old and new colour. Have had nothing but compliments on it since, it suits me so much better and is low maintenance. I probably do look older but don’t really care.

Do you know what really ages you?
Lack of self love, low self esteem, weak confidence and worry about what other people think

I’m 85% grey at 47 and can wear my hair curly or straight - I get lots of compliments especially from hairdressers.

At a certain age, men and women, dont have the luxury to look frumpy anymore if they want to look good, regardless of hair colour.
So even if you are not grey yet, you should by now have a sense of personal style, good wardrobe and be well groomed if looks are still important to you.

Going grey gave me a huge boost. But I’m the type who dont give af about other people’s opinions anymore.

I have dark brunette hair and have been getting a few grey hairs since my mid thirites (now mid 40s). There isn't really enough to bother dyeing it. I tend to use colour depositing shampoos like John Frieda Midnight Brunette, it doesn't cover the grey exactly but smoothes it and makes them look like highlights.

I may revise this plan as I get more grey.

@Bewareofthisonetoo, do you really not understand?

I don't dye my grey hair because I love the way it looks.

Going grey is the best thing that happened to me stylewise. I’m naturally dark blonde (mousy) turning yellow every summer. I stopped dyeing my hair 10 years ago, I’m now in my mid-forties with young kids. I probably have anything between 20%-50% grey hair but it’s hard to say because my hair is naturally curly and thin, I also keep it shortish so I don’t have an obvious parting.
Going grey gave me a delicate silver halo around my face which brings out the steel blue tones in my eyes and the cool shades of my skin. I get lots of compliments about my hair from hairdressers and from the stylist who did my colour analysis. I don’t look young, I look healthy and toned but my face shows my age and for the first time in my life I have to wear glasses. I honestly don’t care, I love my grey highlights.