What do you wear to look understated sexy in your 40s or 50s?

[Allwelcone]

Basically after an updated version of a previous thread from 2021. There, recomendations were about skinny jeans, silk camis, cashmere jumpers and heels.

Just wondering if things have moved on, the young 'uns seem to wesr more comfort driven androgynous styles nowadays but I'm getting ancient so don't understand if they're exactly 'sexy'.

Hiw do you tread that line?

I asked because at least 50% of the posts on this thread are going on about being stylish/ groomed/ wearing expensive clothes/ feeling good about yourself/ feeling good about your clothes.

I don't understand what those posts have to do with "looking sexy"

OP I’m really glad you asked this question and I would also love to know. For the person who asked why - well - not the OP but from my perspective I feel like I’ve lost that side of myself a bit in the frenetic juggle of work and motherhood - and I miss it. I went on holiday abroad recently and there were women there - my age - not necessarily flawless in terms of face or figure - who were clearly still in touch with that side of themselves and dressed in an alluring way. It made me realise how out of touch with it I was and also that I wanted to change. trouble is that I’m not dressing the same body or lifestyle so no idea how to do it. Is it really just nice cashmere and tan shoes? I think the posters who have pointed out that stylish doesn’t necessarily mean sexy have a point. I also think it is really tricky judging from websites as the models are so gorgeous they look alluring in anything.

I’m also thinking “Be J-Lo.” She is the same age as me. Must be nice to have money.

In my mind cashmere plus tan shoes is twee/frumpy central! But I guess it depends who’s wearing them and how they style it

I agree a lot of this is about looking 'good' instead of sexy. They can be the same thing but then again they can also be very different.

A time I think I felt I cracked the combination of the two was this NYE at a friend's house party; so casual but still a bit dressed up. I had on a pair of Norma Kamali wide-leg pants (expensive but super comfortable and last forever) and a black off-the-shoulder but slouchy top. Bare feet but good pedicure, messy hair (mine is short and so messy is my default!) and quite natural makeup. I got a lot of compliments from both men and women, but I felt comfortable and relaxed, and frankly, I think that contributed a huge amount to the sexiness.

Tan shoes! Never have I ever looked at a nice brown brogue and thought 'sexy'.

This thread isn't really on point - it's become more about looking effortlessly expensive.

I don't understand your point of wanting to look 'sexy' unless you're single perhaps and looking to date.

Can you elaborate?

I wear a mix of skinny/straight/ girlfriend jeans depending on the weather. Velvet jeans, more tailored 7/8th trousers for smart occasions.

Cashmere and other jumpers.
Woollen dresses with thick tights and knee boots

I have down coats but I also have a couple of very nice wool coats (knee length) one from Jigsaw that cost a fortune but is lovely wool. I wear them with jeans.

I wear boots, smart trainers, (summer and winter colours) and sandals in summer.

I'd focus on your weight, your hairstyle and colour and some up to date make up.

You should also concentrate on accessories.
I always wear earrings (dangly, hoops, studs) some kind of necklace.
In winter I wear cashmere scarves or snoods, and in summer lighter scarves.

I wear full but natural make up all day - foundation, mascara, blusher, eye shadow, lippy - and wouldn't go anywhere without it.

I have my hair cut every 2-3 months, and coloured twice a year-ish.

Have you thought about getting a session with a personal stylist @Allwelcone John Lewis and other stores do it for free or even having your colours done?

You need to look like YOU want to look.

If you want to look classy, in neutral shades and fairly conservative, look at the clothes on The White Company website.
Loads of white, grey, beige, black, bit of navy.
Lovely knitwear etc but at a price.

But other women your age would be more adventurous and might buy from other stores.

I think the worst thing is trying to pretend to be a teen or someone young, with loads of flesh hanging out or wearing clothes that are too tight.

Sorry for the brain dump but looking 'sexy' is surely a ridiculous aim unless you're a pole dancer?

Looking sexy would surely mean getting your tits out, showing a lot of leg, etc etc.

Because, amazingly, some of us still want to feel sexy and desirable AFTER we've got a ring on our finger? I still want DH to think he's bagged a stunner (because he has )

What a revolting comment.
As was the one about "flesh hanging out".
It's ok to want to look sexy at any age - anyway, the OP actually said "understated sexy".
And maybe she is "single and looking to date" (your words). It's not hard to understand wanting to look attractive, for others or just for yourself.
It's not about wearing neutral shades and looking "conservative". How fucking boring.

Nice to have your opinion on it .

Thanks 😁

Because, amazingly, some of us still want to feel sexy and desirable AFTER we've got a ring on our finger? I still want DH to think he's bagged a stunner (because he has )

I don't think clothes make women look especially 'sexy'. Even understated sexy!

I don't even know how you'd define 'sexy'.

Being attractive is about your personality , confidence, being interesting company.

Looking unkempt and as if you don't care about your appearance is one thing, but looking 'sexy'?

It's not hard to see what's in fashion. Buy a few women's mags aimed at your age- Red, Good Housekeeping, Woman & Home, Prima etc.
Full of ideas.

Sure, being attractive is also about your personality etc.

But this is the style and beauty board so...I reckon the OP was looking for help with that tbh.

@BagsaMunroe I don't even know how you'd define 'sexy'.

Well, you said you'd define it as "getting your tits out, showing a lot of leg, etc etc."

Which I wouldn't.

But sure, OP, go and look at Prima for inspiration...🙄

Yeah, that's actually a brain fart. hth

Even the pp's husband replied that expensive clothes are sexy so some people clearly make that connection (not me!)

I think looking well groomed is quite sexy tbh. When I was younger, I loved men with a bit of rough-think Bob Geldof or William Dafoe. Young men can get away with it-the unkempt look with messy hair. Now they wouldn’t light my fire at all-as men get older, they’re far better well groomed. Casual clothes, but smell nice, have well cut hair and nice nails. So I assume older women will have sex appeal if they smell nice, good hair, nice clothes and nice hands-whatever theIr style, be it Agent Provocateur or Camilla Parker Bowles. The Farley stuff would look great on young women, but at 60 I’d look like I escaped from the care home!

I know what you mean, I consider myself educated and 3 dimensional, but sod it sometimes I just want to look like I'm vaguely fanciable!
I do have a DH but I'd like to express aenu choice which is unavailable tovtoeurs but still looks tasty iykwim.

Sex is an important part of life and I need to oomph myself up for me really.

Sorry I mewntbto swy I'd like to express a menu choice

I like Katie piper for style, she always looks so well put together and sexy too.
Im the same age and similar build. I don’t really wear leisure wear unless in bed. I wear above knee skirts with tights and boots and loose fit jeans. Or high waist corduroy jeans this time of year with a cropped jumper. I love heels and wear them often but also have some good quality winter boots as I live in rural Scotland. I also wear sexy underwear every day. Makes me feel good

I ‘feel’ sexy when I’m wearing sexy underwear or use a particular perfume and that can be just with some well fitting jeans and a t-shirt. I think this confidence or just thinking sexy thoughts can be very powerful.

I’m going to give DHs opinion too and I don’t need to ask him because he tells me what he likes (and what he doesn’t but I wear it anyway). A tshirt or jumper with low v neck so he can take a sneaky peak if I’m leaning over provocatively. One of his favourite outfits is a flippy skater style dress with sleeves and high necked. Again, I think it’s the possibility of a glimpse that he likes rather than something on show.

Oh i think this is fascinating now!

I think the OP is asking:
What might men think looks ''sexy'' when the woman is 40/50+.

But we're getting tangle up with:
What women see as ''sexy''.

I think maybe the reason is that women see style, health, money (or the look of it?), good grooming and thought put into appearance as quite sexy on a man, and lots of posters are* *suggesting the female version of it. Hence understated jewlery and expensive looking fabric ect.

Really interesting.

For what it's worth i think dressing in a way YOU feel looks good gives you confidence and ease with yourself. And that is attractive to everyone.

@Laiste very good point! My dh thinks it’s sexy when I wear my hiking tights as they are-well-tight. I can’t imagine thinking a man would look sexy in long johns.