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What do you wear to look understated sexy in your 40s or 50s?

137 replies

Allwelcone · 21/01/2024 14:18

Basically after an updated version of a previous thread from 2021. There, recomendations were about skinny jeans, silk camis, cashmere jumpers and heels.

Just wondering if things have moved on, the young 'uns seem to wesr more comfort driven androgynous styles nowadays but I'm getting ancient so don't understand if they're exactly 'sexy'.

Hiw do you tread that line?

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 22/01/2024 10:54

candlelog · 22/01/2024 09:36

I wear good fitting jeans, nice belt, leather boots, black/white cami and a nice colourful blazer.

Are you wearing skinny jeans? Jist wondering how boots work with non skinnies

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 22/01/2024 10:55

BigSkies2022 · 21/01/2024 21:49

Well, I'm in my 50s (actually, closer to 60) and I dunno if I look sexy, but I know that I feel, ahem, attractive in the kind of stuff I've worn to posh dinners recently ie.. MaxMara black trousers, high waisted and well cut, with a long-sleeved, quite fitted, silver shirt from COS - big cuffs, big collar, feels a bit 70s. Or quite tailored wool trousers and a silk shirt. Fairly chunky heel or statement chunky flats (Che Uemara/Russell & Bromley). One or two pieces of quite big jewellery, hair and make-up a bit more va-va-voom than usual.

Agree that feeling slim and fit helps, and good posture, confidence and some ready conversation will go a long way as well!

That sounds an awesome look but it wouldn't be everyday (for me at least).
How do you dress for everyday if you dont mind me asking?

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 22/01/2024 11:02

@Fluffywhitecloudsinthesky good tips there. I cam summarise my take aways so far
as:
good bra, accessories eg belt, one tight one baggy item, black skinnies are still OK, keep slim, lipstick and hair,maybe heels, statent classic pieces for special occasions, use your body shape, feel good on tje inside!
Any more? Have I missed any?
Thanks all, more replies welcome!

OP posts:
Fluffywhitecloudsinthesky · 22/01/2024 11:08

I don't think you have to be slim, I don't think lots of slim 40's and 50's women look sexy necessarily. It depends on your overall 'look'. They can definitely go the fitness/I'm just off for a jog route. Larger women (I count myself here) can look sexy too, but with a slightly different vibe perhaps.

I don't think there's a formula, for example, I've given up matte lipsticks and have started using just lip gloss and I feel fresher and like my eyes stand out more. I don't think that's a formula you can just apply to everyone.

The people I know that are attractive all dress 'well', nod to fashion but not slavish, wouldn't wear something unattractive just cos it was in fashion, and are confident and glossy-looking.

minipie · 22/01/2024 11:15

To me the women my age who look sexy are the ones who look healthy. Great skin and hair, clear eyes, good teeth, toned body. Not necessarily wrinkle free but definitely look full of energy. And they dress accordingly - so eg lovely skin = a low cut or off the shoulder top. Great legs = small shorts in summer, with a baggy top. Toned arms = small tank top and loose jeans. Basically it’s not about the clothes it’s the body under it. (Unfortunately!!)

Cantonet · 22/01/2024 11:28

My definition of sexy is very different to most of the posters on here. No tight fitting, boob thrusting, heavy make up or lip fillers/cheek fillers here. Just natural understated make up & yes sensuous fabrics like Cashmere, silk & wool Feeling comfortable & at ease in your clothing is important. I love soft clothing & slightly off the shoulder tops. And yes I do agree that fitness & posture is important but not the be all & end all. Neither is being slim although it's easier if you are.

candlelog · 22/01/2024 11:40

@Allwelcone I wear a slight flared/ wide leg and chunky Russell &bromley boots (I'm short!).

MrsRachelDanvers · 22/01/2024 13:22

My sexiest outfit is an ancient lace mini dress from Jack Wills. Bracelet sleeves and high neck-my skin has grown loads of moles so can’t show a lot of skin. I’m a keen walker though so legs and bottom are ok-but only in tights! Well fitting clothes are key and fresh looking makeup-no drag Queen eyes. Naturally coloured hair if you colour it.

MrsRachelDanvers · 22/01/2024 13:26

Everyday I wear hiking leggings and slim fleece -my dh likes it. I find close fitting clothes suit me better as I’m petite and small frame. If I had a larger frame, I’d wear slouchy jeans with good shirts.

NewYear24 · 22/01/2024 13:36

I asked my DH this question last night and he said, number one is being slim, then he mentioned expensive looking clothes especially accessories, he said tan leather bags and boots are good. He also mentioned long hair or shorter wavy hair, silk blouses and cream nice quality knitwear.
So basically classy expensive clothes, well groomed and slim.

Char65 · 22/01/2024 13:39

This should be a topic I’m an expert on as I’ve been a SAMH for 33 years with an allowance and spent a lot of time and money on my appearance so here goes! (Sorry OP but I’m going to change the question from sexy to stylish/elegant).

Lots of this has been said already but you need to start by being slim, healthy and having good skin. I exercise daily and eat a very balanced, healthy diet. Then its about having a good hair style and having your hair coloured – a good hair style can take years off you. Next I would say immaculate make-up and good teeth. In fact I would agree with a lot of @Fluffywhitecloudsintheskys post.'

In terms of clothes I totally agree that a well fitting bra is a must. After that its about buying clothes that fit, are tailored and stylish – a nice pair of black trousers with a cream silk blouse etc or a nice thin jumper. I tend to buy from My Theresa who stock Max Mara, as mentioned by @BigSkies2022. They are a very good brand and would agree with her post too - very stylish look. As @Yonjovi said materials like silk, wool, leather, cashmere always look stylish as they appear expensive.

I also think having a nice manicure, the right handbag, shoes (always with a heel) are all important. As @WhereAreWeNow said heels to do make or break an outfit in my view. Perfume and understated jewellery is a must.

To avoid – anything baggy, clothes that don’t give a defined shapes, elasticated waists if not covered, fleeces, joggers and trying to look 20 again!

Allwelcone · 22/01/2024 13:47

@MrsRachelDanvers I LOVE it when an old dress is just perfect! I guess I'm thinking more everyday looks, I should have made it clearer in my OP.
Yes I'm hearing its all about adding little details and showing you care and have put some conscious thought in to it.
Going to lose those Christmas kilos (about 5), emphasise best body parts - i actually have big tits and always hide them, maybeb i could review that. Gonna ditch some grubby jumpers, carry on doing my 10 min daily yoga routine and make sure I wear either heels or one tight thing or at least lip gloss and earrings every day!
I think my rule could be wearing one "look at me" item a day, be it a bright colour, tight top/bottom, amazing footwear, lip gloss etc.

OP posts:
Allwelcone · 22/01/2024 13:55

@NewYear24 not to criticise your dh and thanks for asking him, but it's struck me that sexy (or elegant or whatever) is often equated with expensive fabrics or brands. I guess as they're desirable, it makes the wearer more so?
@Char65 thanks for you post, I will make that my new go-to mantra re clithes: fit, tailored and stylish!

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 22/01/2024 15:52

Also a subtle bit of animal print IMO.

WhenWereYouUnderMe · 22/01/2024 17:03

NewYear24 · 22/01/2024 13:36

I asked my DH this question last night and he said, number one is being slim, then he mentioned expensive looking clothes especially accessories, he said tan leather bags and boots are good. He also mentioned long hair or shorter wavy hair, silk blouses and cream nice quality knitwear.
So basically classy expensive clothes, well groomed and slim.

I think this is 'mid-50s with disposable income' not 'sexy'. Funny how subjective it all is!

CuriousityKilledThePussy · 22/01/2024 17:17

Cantonet · 22/01/2024 11:28

My definition of sexy is very different to most of the posters on here. No tight fitting, boob thrusting, heavy make up or lip fillers/cheek fillers here. Just natural understated make up & yes sensuous fabrics like Cashmere, silk & wool Feeling comfortable & at ease in your clothing is important. I love soft clothing & slightly off the shoulder tops. And yes I do agree that fitness & posture is important but not the be all & end all. Neither is being slim although it's easier if you are.

That's not different to what most posters have said though, they've pretty much agreed this is NOT the look to go for and you've basically agreed with everyone

BigSkies2022 · 22/01/2024 17:21

OP, good posture, confidence, fitness and conversation certainly are for every day! Sexy is obviously in the eye of the beholder - I could wear an outfit that might give one observer the most disabling horn, while leaving another utterly cold.

As for everyday looks - well, in cooler seasons, I spend a lot of time in wool trousers, either thin and quite tailored, or heavier, tweedier, herringbone things, depending on what I have to do that day. I like silk shirts and cashmere jumpers, sometimes v-necked, sometimes polo, occasionally sleeveless over a shirt. I prefer things to be a bit more fitted than oversized, (but not tight) since I'm fairly narrow through the torso, but broad shouldered, so if I don't show my shape a bit, I can look like a block of flats. I don't really wear jeans. Summer trousers are a bit looser, but I still have proper waistlines and tailoring. I go for linen and heavy cotton in the warmer weather, little shirts more than T-shirts. I mostly wear flats, although I do still have a couple of pairs of heels for evening mincing around. I go for chunkier silhouettes on flats and fancy detail, as that stops my clothes choices, which are quite classic, looking too safe, I still want a bit of edge. I like dresses, and opt for simple shift dresses, not fitted, or shirt dresses. I still have a couple of wrap DVF dresses, which might wear with bare legs and sandals, but I am slightly chary of them these days - I'd wear them on the beach, really downplaying them, as they do suit my shape, but I just think they can come across a bit try-hard.

Have you been watching Criminal Investigation on Apple? With Peter Capaldi and Cush Jumbo? I like the way she dresses on that show. I like elements of Victoria Beckham's style, (but her clothes are out of my budget, I need to find ways to cheat!)

As for brands, I like MaxMara, Gerard Darel, Eric Bompard, COS, the odd bit of Ganni, Mother of Pearl trousers, not their tops. I want to like Studio Nicolson, but their woollen trousers seem all to be 55% polyester and the one time I ordered a skirt I returned it because although it was 3 times the price of a similar one by COS, it wasn't three times the quality. Hobbes makes its way into my wardrobe occasionally, as do Everlane silk shirts, now that Jaeger is a bit shit. People tell me good things about Zara and Massimo Dutti these days, so I will probably look again at those. Shoes/sandals/boots/trainers are a mix of Russell and Bromley, Marni (when I'm feeling flush, which is rare), Adidas and John Lewis AnyDay.

My preferred brands aren't especially cheap, although by no means top of the range, so I buy rarely and make it last. I've items in my wardrobe that are 20 years old. This means that if I gain 3kg, I prioritise getting it off again, and soon, so that I can keep wearing tried and trusted favourites.

Laiste · 22/01/2024 18:39

I was always told boobs or legs but not both.

These days honestly the boobs bit is out. It's not a good look 50+ and it's aging to be flashing cleavage after a certain age. It's not fashionable either.

I find stiff, over styled hair is quite aging. That ''i've got a lot of time and disposable income now i'm older and i like to keep going to the hairdresser to have bits chopped off'' look.

My DDs are all in skin tight trousers and big baggy jumpers. No boobs. Or legs actually. Lots of long hair though. And make up.

I've still got an hour glass figure and good legs and bum so a nice figure hugging polo neck knitted dress, just to the knee, thick tights and a nice pair of boots still turns (older) heads 🙃

If my hair is clean and i'm having a good hair day i'll have it down (bra strap length) and if not it's in a high messy bun with longys round my face. I never leave the house without some make up and always always have nice nails and always have beautifully soft feet and polish on my toes 🙂

It's the details when you're older.

Green777 · 22/01/2024 18:57

You do not have to be slim (skinny). Sad how many people named this first on their list.

Being healthy, eating well and being toned helps a lot though.

As much effort and money needed as you can afford on your teeth and smile. As much money as you can on fabulous quality underwear especially your bra’s.

Wearing beautiful materials in a style that suits you will make you feel good and it’ll reflect in how you carry yourself, understated good quality make up is a good idea too.

letmeeatinpeace · 22/01/2024 19:21

Confidence is sexy. No idea how to get it though.

SwordToFlamethrower · 22/01/2024 19:22

Ghostbusters costume. The dudes love it!

Nutellaonall · 22/01/2024 19:34

My life is very much casual these days. Gym, walks, school runs, kids football matches, and pub trips.
I wear a uniform so don’t need smart clothes. I stopped buying as many “going out” clothes and clothes that are uncomfortable . That includes jeans. My weight fluctuates a bit and sick of buying jeans only to find they are too tight and uncomfortable in a few months. Am apple shaped which doesn’t help.
Anyway have gone with the sort of athleisure but elevated look recently and I feel good and put together. So decent thick leggings in blacks, khakis, taupes and good quality sweaters in similar shades.
I recently discovered the brand Varley and love their sweaters which feel and look expensive and wash well. I like their sort of apres ski look. I try to dress in one shade so a khaki colour leggings and sweater for instance. And often throw on a long gilet on top. Sometimes I put the sweaters with a cute skirt and tights.
I feel put together but comfy when am doing the school run or whatever.
https://uk.varley.com/

Varley Official Online Store | Varley UK

Varley is a fashion brand rooted in movement, offering an elevated everyday wardrobe for the modern woman. Shop the latest contemporary and active collections now.

https://uk.varley.com/

ADHDASCBAMEWoman · 22/01/2024 19:46

Nutellaonall · 22/01/2024 19:34

My life is very much casual these days. Gym, walks, school runs, kids football matches, and pub trips.
I wear a uniform so don’t need smart clothes. I stopped buying as many “going out” clothes and clothes that are uncomfortable . That includes jeans. My weight fluctuates a bit and sick of buying jeans only to find they are too tight and uncomfortable in a few months. Am apple shaped which doesn’t help.
Anyway have gone with the sort of athleisure but elevated look recently and I feel good and put together. So decent thick leggings in blacks, khakis, taupes and good quality sweaters in similar shades.
I recently discovered the brand Varley and love their sweaters which feel and look expensive and wash well. I like their sort of apres ski look. I try to dress in one shade so a khaki colour leggings and sweater for instance. And often throw on a long gilet on top. Sometimes I put the sweaters with a cute skirt and tights.
I feel put together but comfy when am doing the school run or whatever.
https://uk.varley.com/

Omg this brand is gorgeous! This is what I've been looking for, a bit pricey though 😅

43ontherocksporfavor · 22/01/2024 19:52

Looks lovely ( Varley) but spendy!!

AncientBallerina · 22/01/2024 20:17

Certainly in your 50s (and I am) I don’t think setting out to look sexy is the way to go about it.
Set out to look groomed, well dressed, put together whatever. Plan your outfits. Wear mostly good small gold jewellery. Nothing too shiny (especially buttons etc - dull metals are better on clothes) unless it’s a mega glam occasion. Have one ‘statement’ item e.g. recently green has been v ‘in’ so maybe green earrings or one of those big scarves, good quality boots/shoes. Apparently red is next or ox blood.
Look after your hair and skin. No grey roots (or go all grey!). Don’t drink too much alcohol - it really shows in your eyes and skin. Wear unusual but not overpowering perfume. Subtle ‘no make up’ make up. But again maybe something statementy if it suits the occasion like an unusual eyeshadow or red lipstick (if it suits you) but the ‘statement’ should be on the most attractive part of your face e.g. if your mouth is quite aged then downplay it with neutral lipstick and be more adventurous with your eyes.
All of it you should feel happy and comfortable with /in
So you look attractive and maybe sexy but not like you have tried too hard.
if I’m lucky I might achieve this once a month 🤪

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