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Original poster

Is this dress too white for a wedding guest?

164 replies

NewbieSM · 24/10/2023 07:25

Hello all, I'm attending a good friend's wedding in couple of months and have purchased this dress as an option for the big day. For context the wedding is in Australia at a beach location so not super formal in dress code and a lot of the other guests will be wearing similar styles, so please no comments about it being too risqué for a wedding. Aussie weddings tend to be less traditional than British ones and slip dresses are commonly worn. My concern is that there is a lot of white on this dress so not sure if appropriate and I do not want to offend the bride. I would ask her but I'm friends with her fiancé and don't know her very well.

www.johansenofficial.com/collections/dresses/products/lilou-dress-hibiscus-print-blue?variant=44110010155230

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 24/10/2023 23:48

Paltrypam · 24/10/2023 07:30

I can’t open for some reason

but a close friend… offended? Really?

OP is friends with the groom rather than the bride

givemeasunnyday · 25/10/2023 07:14

MarathonBarbie · 24/10/2023 07:43

I think if you’re unsure it’s best to avoid. Although a lot of people think the ‘no guests in white at weddings’ thing is silly and outdated a lot still go by it and so in my opinion it’s easier to just avoid the potential that kind of energy if you can.

The wedding is in Australia. People in this part of the world have moved on from the silly old fashioned Brit way of thinking.

It's a lovely dress OP and will be fine.

givemeasunnyday · 25/10/2023 07:24

Possimpible · 24/10/2023 10:55

I think it's disrespectful to wear all white or cream to a wedding. It's nothing to do with competition or guests not knowing who the bride is (wtf?), it's about etiquette and manners. It is well-known that wearing white to a wedding can be perceived as a slight to the bride, so why would you risk it as a guest? Great that you didn't mind but it is the one colour/shade you have to avoid for an event, as a guest. How hard is it to wear a different colour? You might have not minded but I'd bet money some of your guests raised an eyebrow at this outfit.

I actually think the original dress is okay OP, the pattern is bold enough it's not too white. I'd need to see the second dress on, it looks like it could be quite see-through? Also unsure why you're posting on a British forum if you think so little of our opinions tbf

Show quote history

Here we go again with the "disrespectful". The wedding is in Australia, the bride won't care. Weddings down under are more about everyone enjoying themselves, and people - especially young people - will not be standing around in corners saying "oh, it's so disrespectful".

Floisme · 25/10/2023 08:23

Have you tried posting the question on the Aussie and NZ Mumsnetters board op? And/or you could ask MNHQ to amend this thread title to make it clear you're in Australia.

Poshpaddington · 25/10/2023 10:02

I think it’s a lovely dress & style. I wouldn’t be upset about the white but then I’m super relaxed about that stuff. But I guess it depends on how the bride would react?

I did wear a knee length flowered dress with sleeves to my close friends wedding (navy blue dress with pink flowers & 2 small white flowers. The dress had a small section of white crochet lace detail on the chest area on top of the navy blue material). I thought it was fine to wear and asked family & DP who all said it was fine wear as looked like a normal wedding guest dress. Then a week after the wedding, my group of friends told me how awful I was to wear the dress and how I took the light of the bride and how upset the bride was with me.
I was mortified. Never again will I wear a dress that has white on it to a wedding!!
I felt so ashamed, that my friends and others guests had been talking & shaming me.

WarmWinterSun · 25/10/2023 10:44

This would be ok at some but not all Aussie weddings. I think it’s a bit tacky and would steer clear for that reason, unless you think this is the type of look that would fit in with the guest list.

toomuchfaff · 25/10/2023 12:34

unless the bridesmaids are in that blue, I'd say its fine!

Princessfluffy · 25/10/2023 16:19

The dress isn't to my taste but you're not going to be confused with the bride so can rest easy on that score.

It looks like it is falling down/off at the back which I don't think is a good look.

wizzyderbyshire · 25/10/2023 16:59

My, second, wedding (to my wife) was in a beautiful country house. We didn’t give 2 hoots what people wore - genuinely. My brother got changed into a pair of shorts prior to the meal - and we were cool with it.
My Aunt, who died shortly afterwards, changed into a pair of slippers.

We were incredibly happy people had made the effort to join us.

Wear the dress, drink the wine, eat the cake.

StarlightLady · 25/10/2023 17:20

OP,in my book it's fine.

GodDammitCecil · 25/10/2023 18:32

Poshpaddington · 25/10/2023 10:02

I think it’s a lovely dress & style. I wouldn’t be upset about the white but then I’m super relaxed about that stuff. But I guess it depends on how the bride would react?

I did wear a knee length flowered dress with sleeves to my close friends wedding (navy blue dress with pink flowers & 2 small white flowers. The dress had a small section of white crochet lace detail on the chest area on top of the navy blue material). I thought it was fine to wear and asked family & DP who all said it was fine wear as looked like a normal wedding guest dress. Then a week after the wedding, my group of friends told me how awful I was to wear the dress and how I took the light of the bride and how upset the bride was with me.
I was mortified. Never again will I wear a dress that has white on it to a wedding!!
I felt so ashamed, that my friends and others guests had been talking & shaming me.

That’s terrible, @Poshpaddington !

This is why I don’t think the whole ‘it’s etiquette / manners’ works.

What is good manners about shaming someone for wearing perfectly normal wedding quest attire that’s not remotely bridal?

And what exactly is the etiquette? I thought it was just not to wear white. Well, lots of brides couldn’t care less about that.

But is it also not to wear pale shades?

And, apparently, given @Poshpaddington’s experience, and some of the more silly responses to this thread, it’s not to wear a dress with any white in it.

So basically, the ‘etiquette’ varies from person to person, there are no set rules, but if you transgress them, you risk being completely socially shamed.

Completely ridiculous and reflects so poorly on everyone who goes along with it.

The only conclusion I can draw from your experience paddington, with the ‘taking the light off the bride’ nonsense (as if anyone can do that!), is that you looked really good. So yes, it does pathetically boil down to women being pitted against other women as to who looks the best.

Lilibert456 · 25/10/2023 19:01

A bit tacky but not bridal. If it's what you want to wear them I wouldn't worry.

Mumaway · 25/10/2023 19:21

It's not too white but it is deeply unflattering even on the model. I think you could do better.

saffy2 · 25/10/2023 19:26

I think it’s fine. I also think it’s fine to wear to a wedding in the uk.

saffy2 · 25/10/2023 19:28

NewbieSM · 24/10/2023 09:42

Ok so I've texted my friend and he said the bridesmaids are wearing light yellow coloured dresses (I didn't send him a picture of the potential dress, by the way).

I've found this other alternative which is also nice (and more modest for those who think the other dress is too revealing).

A bit more expensive than I wanted but I already have silver accessories I could wear with it.

shonajoy.com.au/products/elina-lace-back-bias-maxi-dress

Definitely the first one.

givemeasunnyday · 25/10/2023 19:41

Poshpaddington · 25/10/2023 10:02

I think it’s a lovely dress & style. I wouldn’t be upset about the white but then I’m super relaxed about that stuff. But I guess it depends on how the bride would react?

I did wear a knee length flowered dress with sleeves to my close friends wedding (navy blue dress with pink flowers & 2 small white flowers. The dress had a small section of white crochet lace detail on the chest area on top of the navy blue material). I thought it was fine to wear and asked family & DP who all said it was fine wear as looked like a normal wedding guest dress. Then a week after the wedding, my group of friends told me how awful I was to wear the dress and how I took the light of the bride and how upset the bride was with me.
I was mortified. Never again will I wear a dress that has white on it to a wedding!!
I felt so ashamed, that my friends and others guests had been talking & shaming me.

Seriously? I think you need to find better friends, they sound ridiculous. If any "friend" told me that I would wear the dress to every wedding I went to in the future where I knew they would be a guest! There will always be bridezillas, but one who gets upset because a guest dared to wear a dress with a small amount of white crochet details on the bodice takes the word to a whole new level. Where on earth do you meet these people??!

givemeasunnyday · 25/10/2023 19:45

WarmWinterSun · 25/10/2023 10:44

This would be ok at some but not all Aussie weddings. I think it’s a bit tacky and would steer clear for that reason, unless you think this is the type of look that would fit in with the guest list.

Did you miss the bit where the wedding is at a beach location and not super formal?

Original poster
NewbieSM · 26/10/2023 12:02

myextraordinarylife · 25/10/2023 15:51

A different dress from the second site you like, it comes in other nice colours/patterns which would be fine with pale yellow bridesmaids dresses

Oh the green one is stunning and solves the white issue. Also in silk which is lovely,bit pricey, but certainly on the list of alternatives. Ironically,I didn't really consider this store as it's well known for bridesmaid dresses in Aus.

Thank you everyone for your opinions even if I didn't agree with it.

OP posts:
violetsky19 · 26/10/2023 17:15

It’s a beautiful dress with no bridal vibes in my opinion! Go for it!

AtTheStream · 26/10/2023 18:39

If I was 30 and a size 6 Id wear anything I liked. Not remotely like a bridal dress either. Go for it

ohtobeso · 26/10/2023 18:45

I love the first one. Main question is do you love it? If so then buy it and wear it and enjoy the day. If you have the figure and tan for it then go for it, I suspect some comments in this thread are borne out of not being a tanned size 6! x

Growlybear83 · 26/10/2023 18:55

I don't understand why people are saying the first dress isn't suitable. It's a lovely dress and doesn't look at all bridal. The second dress is lovely too, but the first one would look stunning if you have a blue bag and shoes as you suggested.

Lovethatforyouhun · 26/10/2023 18:57

be a but sweaty all that polyester

scottishGirl · 27/10/2023 20:00

I wore this to a wedding. Similar in that it's white with floral design. I didn't feel I got any looks from other wedding guests to suggest it was too white. I think as long as there is a colourful pattern on the dress and it's not only white then it's fine.

Is this dress too white for a wedding guest?