Is this dress too white for a wedding guest?

[NewbieSM]

Hello all, I'm attending a good friend's wedding in couple of months and have purchased this dress as an option for the big day. For context the wedding is in Australia at a beach location so not super formal in dress code and a lot of the other guests will be wearing similar styles, so please no comments about it being too risqué for a wedding. Aussie weddings tend to be less traditional than British ones and slip dresses are commonly worn. My concern is that there is a lot of white on this dress so not sure if appropriate and I do not want to offend the bride. I would ask her but I'm friends with her fiancé and don't know her very well.

www.johansenofficial.com/collections/dresses/products/lilou-dress-hibiscus-print-blue?variant=44110010155230

We had a quite casual, summery wedding and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this dress. I was more baffled by the people who turned up in full Royal wedding-esque regalia for our BBQ and hog roast in the sunshine lmao.

Mumsnet is so fucking weird about wedding etiquette though. No matter how much you stress it's a casual wedding, beach, summery, others will be in similar, cultural differences, whatever, you will get advice as though you are a 50+ woman attending a traditional catholic church wedding.

I think it's disrespectful to wear all white or cream to a wedding. It's nothing to do with competition or guests not knowing who the bride is (wtf?), it's about etiquette and manners. It is well-known that wearing white to a wedding can be perceived as a slight to the bride, so why would you risk it as a guest? Great that you didn't mind but it is the one colour/shade you have to avoid for an event, as a guest. How hard is it to wear a different colour? You might have not minded but I'd bet money some of your guests raised an eyebrow at this outfit.

I actually think the original dress is okay OP, the pattern is bold enough it's not too white. I'd need to see the second dress on, it looks like it could be quite see-through? Also unsure why you're posting on a British forum if you think so little of our opinions tbf

@LolaSmiles while I think the pale etc etc is ridiculous lots of cultures have 'forbidden' colours. White at traditional Chinese weddings for example because it's a colour of mourning.
If you wouldn't ignore that social norm for a Chinese wedding why would you insist on wearing white (which for whatever reason is frowned upon) for an English wedding? Is it because English social norms don't matter? So you don't have any culture at all?

MN does go over the top, in this case the dress has huge patterns so not remotely bridal. But there are so many posts on here from people asking whether a very white dress is 'acceptable' to buy!

There are thousands of other colours to choose from but no they want that specific dress 😂

Even for other I highly doubt a white dress is the only thing they have.Why go looking for trouble when it's so easy to avoid.

I think it's disrespectful to wear all white or cream to a wedding. It's nothing to do with competition or guests not knowing who the bride is (wtf?), it's about etiquette and manners.

@Possimpible

i will take a punt that you’re closer to 100 than 0

and if you have a DIL or DD - you aren’t close

@Paltrypam LOL you could not be more wrong. I'm early 30s and childfree, married this year😂unsure what a daughter in law has to do with anything

I wore a floral print on white dress to a wedding and nobody died 🤷‍♀️

The colour is fine, OP (and I am happy saying when a dress is too white to be appropriate for a wedding guest).

You, however, are rude.

What a nasty, ageist comment too. S&B has really gone downhill

I ADORE that brand.

I think it’s fine for a guest at an informal wedding. I’ve work white with big prints on to weddings before. No one has ever confused me for the bride and the bride has never expressed displeasure at my dress.
Sounds like it will really suit you too.

I think it's disrespectful to wear all white or cream to a wedding. It's nothing to do with competition or guests not knowing who the bride is (wtf?), it's about etiquette and manners
Ok so let's probe a bit further.

Why do (some) people think it's disrespectful to wear white? Just saying "but etiquette" doesn't work.

Given that most comments on the topic on here do end up being about upstaging the bride, it isn't your day, your pale colour dress might look white in certain light, you're trying to outdo the bride, etc a lot does seem to be grounded in good old fashioned sexist ideas about women.

PassTheNuggetsPlease
Wearing a colour of mourning in one culture isn't the same as not wearing white in the UK.
For a start people typically didn't wear black to UK weddings but that seems to be changing too, just like the tradition of only wearing black to funerals is changing. In many circles wedding attire isn't as fixed as it was.

fwiw I don't suit black or white, but do object to snark towards other women for wearing a white and floral cocktail dress because it's not your day 🙄.

@LolaSmiles It's not sexist - I'd think it was just as disrespectful if a male guest knew what tartan the wedding party were wearing and then turned up in it without being invited to. It's just manners to let the wedding party stand out on the day.

I completely agree with @PassTheNuggetsPlease 's point, although red may have been a better example of a colour to avoid at a Chinese wedding

Oh the irony

I’ve just enjoyed a 5 minute nose at your history

my goodness…. All the rules and nonsense you spout about weddings and rules…. I think it’s a bloody good job so DD or DIL will be subjected to this nonsense

Women wearing black at a wedding “didn’t look right”

”be careful” wearing cream as could be mistaken for white

red is “not as bad as white” but still not really appropriate

a halter neckneck is not appropriate

it goes on and on. The scathing judgement

People are so bitchy!!!

Op it's a nice dress and not remotely bridal. It has white in it but I'd say the huge, blue flowers are the focal point really.

If you like it go for it :-)

I think I would be more worried about everything falling out when I lent over! It isn't bridal and I have worn a similar colour pattern - obviously though my boobs were under more control than what this dress would allow - my grandmother would have made me wear a scarf otherwise!

@Paltrypam Go and touch some grass. You're coming across as a bully

Again - the beautiful irony

Eh? You don’t think that’s a pretty dress? I think the cut is lovely, especially if you’re slender and not too booby. The print I find a bit ugly though.

Jeez people it's a dress not political statement, some posters need to unclench.

I've got other options so when my friend and his bride come over we can chat wedding plans and IF the topic comes up I'll ask her opinion on preferred style/pattern/ colour. Judging by her instagram feed she seems the type to enjoy fashion and is certainly not opposed to showing a bit of leg or cleavage in a dress, and she rocks it! People can wear whatever they want as long as it's appropriate for the occasion. A beach wedding where some men may wear shorts and a white shirt (queue the outrage), some exposed back skin in a blue and white patterned dress is hardly going to offend the mostly under 40 year old crowd 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree OP

but

you did start the thread!

I would have changed this though

from

* People can wear whatever they want as long as it's appropriate for the occasion.*

to

* People can wear whatever they want *

Just a reminder that the wedding is in Australia, where things are a lot more relaxed.

People often wear pale colours to summer weddings down this way, and nobody bats an eyelid.

And there have even been a fair few English people on this thread who say this etiquette is not accepted / known / religiously adhered to across the board, even in the UK.

I do think this whole notion of upstaging the bride reflects very badly on women, and only someone deeply insecure and/or churlish would ever be worried by anyone upstaging them on their ‘big day’. It absolutely is about this age-old idea that women are supposedly in completion with each other. Well, plenty of us aren’t, and so stuff like this is not an issue.

@NewbieSM - I definitely prefer the first dress.

The second dress is … fine. #damnswithfaintpraise