Page 3 | Is this dress too white for a wedding guest?

NewbieSM · 2023-10-24T06:25:16+00:00

Hello all, I'm attending a good friend's wedding in couple of months and have purchased this dress as an option for the big day. For context the wedding is in Australia at a beach location so not super formal in dress code and a lot of the other guests will be wearing similar styles, so please no comments about it being too risqué for a wedding. Aussie weddings tend to be less traditional than British ones and slip dresses are commonly worn. My concern is that there is a lot of white on this dress so not sure if appropriate and I do not want to offend the bride. I would ask her but I'm friends with her fiancé and don't know her very well. https://www.johansenofficial.com/collections/dresses/products/lilou-dress-hibiscus-print-blue?variant=44110010155230

PrinceHaz · 24/10/2023 08:40

Belinda Russell the Australian TV presenter looks like she might be short. Have a look at her social media for inspo on event outfits.

itsanicedayforawhitewedding · 24/10/2023 08:44

Unless a guest turns up in a white wedding dress, full veil and carrying a bouquet, no-one is going to upstage the bride.

OP, the dress you have linked to is fine.

MN is weird about weddings, particularly with regards to wearing white and lighter colours. It's fine, have been to many weddings over the years, and no-one, particularly at all the posho society weddings both in the UK and US, I have attended gives a damn. The amount of white and paler colours worn by female guests at these weddings is beautiful. Any 'don't wear white to a wedding' Mumsnetters would probably spontaneously combust arrival

CharlotteStreetW1 · 24/10/2023 08:48

GodDammitCecil · 24/10/2023 07:51

It’s absolutely fine, OP.

As an Antipodean heading into the wedding season (although well past that stage of life myself), it’s absolutely fine.

Honestly - we are nowhere near as uptight about silly rules - and there is NO WAY a dress covered in big blue flowers is remotely bridal, even if we were bothered by such nonsense.

To be fair, in real life, we in the UK are not so uptight about these so-called rules either. It's one of those Mumsnet things.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 24/10/2023 08:58

GunboatDiplomacy · 24/10/2023 08:32

Blimey, Australians eh! Not too white though. and spaghetti straps are very easy to adjust so it sits at the right height on your bust and bum, although if you're much shorter in the body than the model then the back may still be a problem.

To follow down a PP's rabbit hole, my theory is that perfect wedding photos have become increasingly important the further we get from the advent of widespread photography as we realise that great great great aunt Ethel is long dead and forgotten, and the key memory we have of her is the photo of her wedding in a family album, and great grandma Maud's terrible hat. We've found out the hard way that the wedding photo will survive long after the day itself is forgotten.

We have a lot more photos of everything, including great-aunt Ethel, than we have ever done, though. And she'll still be in the photos whether they're all flawlessly staged or not.

I really don't think it's a healthy trend that some people genuinely seem to understand and orchestrate their entire wedding day not as a celebration in itself, much less the start of a marriage, but the basis for photos that "look" good, no matter what contortions of reality are required.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/10/2023 09:00

IMHO the style of the dress isn't right for a wedding, regardless of whether the rules are a bit more relaxed where you are. Way too much boob and potentially bum on show. Eyes should be on the bride not your backside (tanned or not).

A slip dress with a back, front and spaghetti straps would be fine, this one is not right for a wedding. You can find something else that's far more classy to fit the slip dress brief.

Original poster

NewbieSM · 24/10/2023 09:01

MintJulia · 24/10/2023 08:32

Uhm, you're friends with the groom and plan to go to his wedding in that dress. Are you trying to show him what he's missing?

The bride may not mind but don't be surprised if the MOB takes offence.

Come on, really? I've been friends with him for nearly 20 years. Totally platonic absolutely not trying to get his attention wearing this dress to his wedding. I'll also be attending with my own husband, who he's also friends with!

I'll let you in on a secret, women don't dress to impress men, they dress for other women or in this case I'm dressing for myself! Shocking, I know.

OP posts:

Stealthtax · 24/10/2023 09:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

watcherintherye · 24/10/2023 09:02

It’s a wedding by a beach, for goodness’ sake, the op will look lovely in a strappy dress!
Out of interest, what do male guests wear to Aussie weddings?
Presumably not suits, if it’s a beach location?

NashvilleQueen · 24/10/2023 09:04

The not wearing any white at a wedding is something that I am convinced only happens on MN. I've never seen anyone in real life ask this question or criticise a fellow guest for a similar transgression.

hijklmnke · 24/10/2023 09:06

Way too white.

W0tnow · 24/10/2023 09:09

watcherintherye · 24/10/2023 09:02

It’s a wedding by a beach, for goodness’ sake, the op will look lovely in a strappy dress!
Out of interest, what do male guests wear to Aussie weddings?
Presumably not suits, if it’s a beach location?

Hmm. Nice trousers, chino type thing. Nice shirt. No tie.

ILoveCreamCrackersMe · 24/10/2023 09:11

Wearing white is a red herring. It's just a bit of a cheap looking dress imo. €200 for that?!

Looks the sort of thing you'd wear on Married at First Sight. "Next up we've got Isla, 28 from Coffs Harbour...."

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 24/10/2023 09:16

LolaSmiles · 24/10/2023 07:27

I think it's fine and a nice dress, but then I also find the idea that any white in a dress upstages the bride to be precious and self-absorbed so that might not the be the correct etiquette response.

Edit to add now I've seen your updatebon styling it: if the bride comes across as a reasonable person, I can't see why she'd have a problem with it.

Edited

Funny, I’ve always seen it as precious and self absorbed to wear white or mainly white to a wedding (if you aren’t the bride or the bride hasn’t specifically requested it) knowing it may well offend / upset a lot of the people there.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/10/2023 09:27

NewbieSM · 24/10/2023 07:50

Ok to give context, I'm 5ft 2 size 6 just turned 30 I am brunette with mid tanned skin. I hope this means I'm not past it because I'm not 22 anymore! I live in Queensland so accustomed to the heat and other guests are wearing similar styles with a lot of skin on show. I've just peeked at the brides Instagram and can see she has worn slip dresses at recent events and a wedding on her feed. None in white however. I like this dress so don't mind if others don't agree it's just the colour I wanted advice on. I'll find out what colour the bridesmaids are in and if it's blue I will buy a different dress.

The dress is fine. No bridal vibes. I wouldn't wear it to an English church wedding because I'm fat and pale, but thankfully for you it's a lovely Aussie beach wedding and you're slim and tanned!! Agree re bridal colours (invitation is usually a good idea, what colours are on it?)

SleepingStandingUp · 24/10/2023 09:28

SylvieLaufeydottir · 24/10/2023 08:02

I think it's fine, but then I think the views expressed on here on this topic are utterly bizarre. Especially the ones about how the bride must be "the only splash of white in the photos". Since when was the point of a wedding the production of a set of photos and not an actual, in-person celebration with family and friends? Not to mention, if that were actually true you'd do better to ban all pale colours, not all dresses with white as a background.

The etiquette rule is that you shouldn't wear a dress in which you might be mistaken for the bride. That's all. This is fine.

And also what about all the men on white shirts?

quietnightmare · 24/10/2023 09:36

It's fine pattern wise but why be that muppet who wears white when there is so many options and obviously you must have a figure to die for if you can wear that so find something else ... personally

Original poster

NewbieSM · 24/10/2023 09:42

Ok so I've texted my friend and he said the bridesmaids are wearing light yellow coloured dresses (I didn't send him a picture of the potential dress, by the way).

I've found this other alternative which is also nice (and more modest for those who think the other dress is too revealing).

A bit more expensive than I wanted but I already have silver accessories I could wear with it.

shonajoy.com.au/products/elina-lace-back-bias-maxi-dress

OP posts:

beachcitygirl · 24/10/2023 09:46

That dress is absolutely fine. No one will
Mistake you for the bride x

Babochan88 · 24/10/2023 10:03

I wouldn’t wear this dress. You have good intentions but some women can be really pedantic with dresses. You don’t know how she’s like so I wouldn’t risk it. There are sooooo many dresses to choose from, just choose another

Janieforever · 24/10/2023 10:05

Babochan88 · 24/10/2023 10:03

I wouldn’t wear this dress. You have good intentions but some women can be really pedantic with dresses. You don’t know how she’s like so I wouldn’t risk it. There are sooooo many dresses to choose from, just choose another

No one Is so pendantic you can’t have a bit of white background..

BowiesJumper · 24/10/2023 10:17

I like both dresses. Good idea to check though as some brides can fixate on odd things!

I can also assure you that I’ve never worn a fascinator or a court shoe in my life, and I’ve got 10yrs on you (and I’m English) 😂

LolaSmiles · 24/10/2023 10:29

Funny, I’ve always seen it as precious and self absorbed to wear white or mainly white to a wedding (if you aren’t the bride or the bride hasn’t specifically requested it) knowing it may well offend / upset a lot of the people there.
If you know it's going to upset the bride (because for some reason she's bought into the idea that people are going to see a flash of white and forget who the bride is) then don't wear white because presumably you care about the bride, and whilst you may privately think she's ridiculously uptight you value the friendship.

If other people are getting offended on the bride's behalf they need to get a bloody grip.

My central objection to the whole damn thing is that is rests on either

stupid sexist assumptions that women are permanently in competition with each other.

Or

A belief that guests are stupid and won't know who the bride is

When you break it down it's absolutely ridiculous:
If a woman wears white, cream, a pale colour that might look white in some lights or not photograph well, or any pattern with white in then:
she must be in competition with me
she must be trying to outshine me
she must be hoping to pretend to be the bride
a guest might look at her for 10 seconds so they're not looking at me, but if a guest looks at another lady wearing duck egg blue and says a nice outfit that doesn't matter so it isn't actually about guests noticing another person looks nice
she must be in competition with me

TinChristmas · 24/10/2023 10:37

I like the first dress and think it’s fine for a beach wedding! The second one is nice but I prefer the first!

DelphiniumBlue · 24/10/2023 10:40

The thing is, at informal wedding the bride is more likely to be wearing something not traditionally bridal, so I'd say anything with a white background should be ruled out for guests.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/10/2023 10:48

A friend of mine years ago wore a similar dress with the boobage area very defined. It was a Hindu wedding so no need to worry about it being white but I did wonder about my friend wearing something so revealing.