That’s right @Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot , onwards and upwards.
I’ve been on a better diet since the second week of June. I’ve had a few times, where it’s been more difficult when I’ve been ill. The main thing is that it is largely sustainable because I’m not pushing myself too hard so there is less ‘on’ and ‘off’. It’s more lifestyle and if that slips for a couple of weeks, it’s ok because I can slip back into it. My nails are also looking a mess and flaking after the acrylics btw. I just have to wait until they grow out and am applying clear polish and filing them down to nothing.
It’s been a difficult week, a bit of a cold, very fatigued, so I’ve not thought much about my appearance. And I’m just going to write it all down to get it all off my chest rather than start a thread as that’s too stressful in itself.
My daughter had a seizure at the GP surgery Friday - she hates everything medical so being examined caused the seizure (they’re reflex anoxic rather than epileptic so her heart stops beating then restarts - caused by pain, vomiting, anything medical etc). Then when she was well enough to talk an hour or so later she complained of chest pains and still couldn’t move. The doc called an ambulance as we were both concerned even though RAS is not supposed to damage the heart. The crew did an ecg and that was fine and suggested the pain and buzzing was perhaps muscular from restarting so we didn’t go with them to A&E as hospital would undoubtedly trigger more seizures.
Once dh was home from work, I needed time alone. Normally I got bed but I wanted complete handover including dogs. So I went to the local village park for a walk and sat and watched the sunset, then sat in the dark watching and listening. I found this remarkably soothing. And interesting. Lots of dog walkers still around and teenagers. I did the same Saturday evening but took the dogs this time as dh said it looks strange… I think he’s right tbh as a couple of lads playing in the dark, can’t be more than about 12, came up to me and asked me if I was ok on Friday.
Then today / yesterday afternoon - as in Sunday - I realised I’ve recovered health wise enough from the wedding (chronic fatigue, often quasi bedridden, too ill to work etc) to go for a longish walk. Dh dropped me off and picked me up to make it a bit shorter. I haven’t been well enough to do the walk since lockdown 1. I felt so much better and the seizure and time alone has finally allowed the floodgates to open and I’m crying, which is good as I can heal.
Heal because I’ve been terribly on edge for the past month. Dd (15) had a boyfriend for a very short while and I thought I could have a little respite from worry, as in someone to look after her until I got there if she had one when with him. He appeared so sensitive and attentive, I love you’s. Eg they went out to the local supermarket and it started raining, I told dh I felt sorry for him as he’d be getting wet. I just knew he’d give her his jacket and I was right. I wasn’t expecting nor wanting anything serious or long term. Just saw a glimmer of hope for a little time ‘off’. And I realised today I feel robbed and I’m crying about that.
I know this will come but in the meantime, I worry a lot for dd’s future. She won’t tell anyone about her medical condition, which could be really serious. Think drowning or severe head injury etc. So I’m pretty sure the boy didn’t know for example. Dd’s friends know btw. I speak to them as dd won’t. But mums getting involved and telling a boy something is a different kettle of fish, as is my talking to people much longer, she needs to learn to do it herself.
My dog also has epilepsy so it’s just a lot. I’m the one, who manages everything. Cooks his special diet as he has terrible diarrhoea after, his meds 3 times a day post seizure (every 8 hours) plus his twice daily other meds. It’s a lot for me with my poor state of health. He ate a sock earlier in the year and nearly died, had 3 surgeries. I have also had a lot of surgery and my stomach is struggling to heal. Plus I’m all over the place 4 or more days a week with dd’s hobbies and now looking around at post 16 as it’s GCSE year. And she’s asking constantly for a horse, pushing boundaries etc.
Dd’s seizure in a way has finally opened the floodgates when I was feeling as though I was going out of my mind over a month later and couldn’t understand why I felt so upset that they finished. I’m now crying about this so I can heal. I know the loss of the few weeks of her being with the boy sounds ridiculous. It’s just I had decided I’d talk to him the next time she saw him as the plan was to go to his dad’s, but in typical teen style, he snogged someone else and dumped her…
And the dog had seizure this (now technically) yesterday evening again. I just feels like I’m always looking after someone. Dh is having a colonoscopy later today so asked me to make up his drink. He does a lot of stuff for dd and me, don’t get me wrong. It’s just I carry most of the mental and all of the emotional load.
And breathe. Sorry that was so long and thanks for reading.
Well done everyone btw. I’ve read through all your posts and we are all doing amazingly even if things are hard some weeks.