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Original poster

Would you judge a mother of the bride or groom for wearing black?

170 replies

EconomyClassRockstar · 01/05/2023 02:35

Or is it now completely acceptable? The dress is floor length and fabulous and my future in law is ok with it but I would hate to think anyone would think I was being funereal because I love them!

OP posts:
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nofusspot · 01/05/2023 06:17

Also what your inlaw is saying to your face might be different to what they are thinking behind the scenes

ThomasinaLivesHere · 01/05/2023 06:21

I’d notice and wonder about it. There’s a difference between solid black and black with other colours. If there was a prominent other colour it wouldn’t be so bad.

OxanaVorontsova · 01/05/2023 06:26

I wouldn’t judge, I really don’t think we should be beholden to old fashioned views on dress colour!

TiredOfCleaning · 01/05/2023 06:33

I am afraid i would wonder if you were sending a message and I would notice you in not a good way.

There are plenty of nice dresses out there. Choose another one.

(I speak as a bride whose own mother wore a 'cream' dress who swore blind it was not white and which I am still very Hmm about).

KitKatLove · 01/05/2023 06:42

My SIL wore black and looked gorgeous, my DD wore a vLBD to her cousin’s wedding and I asked my niece afterwards whether she was ok about it and she didn’t mind. The best thing to do if you’re unsure is to show your future DIL and see how she responds.

Theraffarian · 01/05/2023 06:47

Is the dress completely black ? If so I would definitely think you were sending a message of disapproval, and it’s going to stand out in the photos too , so I’d also think you were aiming for that . Unless you are going to tell us that there is a dress code in place that would mean everyone is wearing dark colours or something similar.

Aslanplustwo · 01/05/2023 06:51

Gingernaut · 01/05/2023 04:19

Guests are supposed to avoid black, red, green and white

Anyone who wears black to a wedding is either completely tone deaf, trying to style out showing up to the wrong occasion or has serious issues with the marriage

Why are guests "supposed" to avoid those colours??? I've seen guests in all those colours at weddings, and no-one has turned a hair. A very outdated idea to my way of thinking. I might look twice at a guest in white with no other colour involved, but really I couldn't care less.

GoodChat · 01/05/2023 06:52

KitKatLove · 01/05/2023 06:42

My SIL wore black and looked gorgeous, my DD wore a vLBD to her cousin’s wedding and I asked my niece afterwards whether she was ok about it and she didn’t mind. The best thing to do if you’re unsure is to show your future DIL and see how she responds.

OP has already said the future in law has no problem with it

CeeceeBloomingdale · 01/05/2023 06:55

Black or white stand out in photos for the wrong reason. I’d choose any other colour.

napody · 01/05/2023 06:56

If you're an elderly Italian widow it's fine.

I'm not one for occasion 'rules' but it will look odd in photos and pull focus from the happy couple.

wildfirewonder · 01/05/2023 06:58

No, because it's 2023, not 1923.

Caulkhead · 01/05/2023 06:58

My mother wore a black skirt with black and white jacket and hat, looked very elegant.

RampantIvy · 01/05/2023 06:59

What's wrong with green or red at weddings?

I'm going to a family wedding soon and will be wearing green.

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 01/05/2023 07:00

Being 100% honest, I wouldn't judge, but I'd notice and I would wonder if they were trying to make a point and / or seek attention. I generally think fashion rules are there to be broken....but not if you're the mother of the bride or groom. Sorry, that is really unfair when I think about it logically, but since you asked I'm being honest.

It's the same at funerals. Someone rocking up in a mini skirt, stilettos and a olu going neckline would look inappropriate to me. I wouldn't judge, but I'd think they were being odd

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 01/05/2023 07:01

A plunging neckline*

MintJulia · 01/05/2023 07:04

I had not realised it's bad form to wear green to a wedding. 😯

I wonder if that's why my sil can barely pass the time of day with me?

ExtremelyDetermined · 01/05/2023 07:05

I'm another who was brought up not to wear black, white, green or red to a wedding, I know it's outdated, especially the green or red but I still can't bring myself to do it in case it's frowned upon and the point about photos with black or white is true.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 01/05/2023 07:06

I get the reasoning behind white and black but why not red or green?

Crabacus · 01/05/2023 07:07

My MIL wore a black dress and jacket to our wedding and a black hat. (My mother wore a floor length ivory dress and jacket!)

I can't say that I paid much attention on the day but she does stand out a lot in photos with everyone else being colourful.

GoodVibesHere · 01/05/2023 07:09

Is it a summer wedding? If so then you will stand out even more. Most will wear colourful clothes. Will you even feel comfotable on the day knowing you stand out in your funereal outfit?

I admit I would fail to believe that out of all the dresses available in the shops the only one you liked was black. I would assume that you don't approve of the marriage.

GP75 · 01/05/2023 07:11

Honestly, if a mother of the bride or groom wore black I'd assume they were silently protesting the marriage and this was a way to let people know. Mother and wedding couple may be ok with it but it's usually reserved for funerals and it's a well known joke unhappy mothers wear black to a wedding so you do need to be prepared for a number of people assuming it means there's an issue between you 🤷

Rightsraptor · 01/05/2023 07:12

You don't wear black to a wedding. It's just not done.

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 01/05/2023 07:13

I didn't know this until adulthood, but apparently green is meant to be bad luck at a wedding. Something mad about pixies or fairies.

Bright red is meant to be too eye catching for a wedding guest.

Not saying I agree with this^^ btw before anyone jumps up and down 😂

Rightsraptor · 01/05/2023 07:21

I don't see why a guest shouldn't wear green to a wedding, unless it's because of the association with jealousy?

Women don't wear white because the bride does. Attempt to upstage any bride at your peril.

Red is (traditionally) sex-related, so maybe why it's not worn at weddings.

Black is funereal.

You can have accessories in those colours, or as a minor detail, but not as the main colour of your outfit.

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 01/05/2023 07:22

@Rightsraptor I think green is meant to be bad luck (but I don't know anyone who would seriously object to it)