I truly hate how I've aged - help

[NotmykingEatCake]

I'm early 40s. I look older, I hate it. All my life I was complimented on looking younger. My
Mum looks at least 10 years younger than she is.

But then DH died 7 years ago and all the strain of grief and lone parenting tiny kids went to my face.

And my hair is grey, ffs.

I dye my hair but use zero products,

I want any and all suggestions pls for not looking so freakin ancient, I have budget. Does anything actually work?

I think the best bet is to get some vitamin d in you, a basic skincare routine that doesn't seem too irksome but makes you feel nice and soft, hair dresser for a new cut and advice on colour if you want to do that. A new outfit.

Botox
Lift weights
Drink loads of water
Plenty of sleep
I always look better with a bit of sun but hard to get in the UK 🤦‍♀️

Fake tan so that your not pale
good moisturiser (I get mine from Aldi)
powder foundation to dust your face
good mascara
clothes revamp

Yoga. The real stuff, not the exercise classes dressed up as yoga. Proper relaxation, meditation, breathing exercises and poses with someone trained to help you develop proper form without straining yourself. I can see it and feel it since I haven't been doing it weekly and I know I need to get it back. So many techniques you can use to calm yourself, relax all the muscles you hold tight when you're busy or stressed, and a discipline that really focuses on helping you get the best from your mind and your body.

Kind of depends how much time you want or have to devote to it, as holding back time is a big job…

On skin texture/ evenness, SPF 50 everyday, Vitamin C and a prescription from Skin and Me or Dermatica. Judicious botox. Maybe some micro needling. Sleep.
Jowls are much harder.

Eyelash extensions. If brows sparse, something with them like lamination or micro blading. Teeth whitening. Teeth straightening if needed - teeth tend to become more crowded with age.

Tinted moisturiser, rosy blusher, mascara, under eye concealer.

Bit of Botox (works wonders, promise). Good skincare routine, a tinted moisturiser, some mascara, and take care of your eye brows. Good haircut. Drink water, and cut the alcohol.

Good haircut, colour and wardrobe revamp.

Don't stress about lines and wrinkles. Mariella Frostrup has tons but she looks fab with her signature blonde bob and lovely clothes.

Blow dry your hair and make sure your jeans are a current shape.

Tretinoin from Dermatica or similar.

Eat lots of Bright coloured fruit and veg and eat salmon and healthy fats

Lots of water

Relaxation and yoga

Tret from Dermatica and lots of hydrating products

Vitamin c serum

Spf

Eye lash extensions

Here's a code for Tret if you want to try that

Try personalised skincare for just £2.90, plus 25% off your next month.

Head to www.dermatica.co.uk and checkout with code Y2K0NE
www.dermatica.co.uk/referrer/Y2K0NE

(I get £5 off)

Following OP as I’m in the same boat!

I felt like you 2 years ago (I’m 5 years older). I have tried loads of things and the below is what worked:

Filler - to rebuild the shape of my face. I have a little every couple of months and it is extremely natural but my god has it made a difference. Don’t skimp on where you go - it’s an art!
Botox
Eyelash serum plus LVL treatments
Brow lamination (or whatever your brows need)
Decent haircut
Sleep prevents temporary extreme haggardness but it won’t rebuild youth.

All of the creams in the world won’t recreate the natural shape of a youthful face and my very honest NHS dermatologist confirmed it’s basically mostly a con. A decent Moisturiser and sun cream is the best you’ll get for preventing damage.

If you are dyeing your own hair maybe get it done at the hairdresser as they can get a better shade that will lift your face. Maybe some highlights. Sometimes home dye can be a bit easy.. speaking from experience.

You have had a very tough time so go easy on yourself with plenty of rest and relaxation..if possible.

Thanks all this is great to get started with. Not sure about filler/Botox, what happens when you want to stop doing it?

I already have the hairdresser do my dye and am happy with it.

Teeth whitening is definitely a possibility, mine are pretty discoloured.

It's so depressing. I work in a very young company and feel like the old woman of the west!

Hairdresser regularly. Get a wash and blow dry ona Friday.

Wear sunglasses to avoid squinting. (even though I m currently light haired I think dark, natural shades are more popular with the 20 somethings, then again, they are probably not as grey as us)

My forehead wrinkles and '11s' are my most hated features. I guess I've spent a long time frowning 😫

Me too OP, botox is the only answer. I'm having my first next week and can't wait to not look angry and tired all the time, I'm only 38.

Clean living, and do things you enjoy. Do things that make you feel you, and don't over focus on the things you don't like.

If you're talking about just facial ageing, there are things you can do improve your skin tone and texture, and address facial fat loss. That would be getting into a good skincare routine (high strength SPF everyday, retinoids, vitamin c serum etc.) and some filler (not overdone or you may look weird) to replace some lost volume in the face. Botox would also help with the frown lines.

Other than that I would say being active is great, exercise can help you look and feel more vibrant and energetic.

Also, you may be entering perimenopause which can affect how you look and feel, and your energy levels.

A flattering haircut. I find children to be brutally honest about these things.

Spf every day on face and neck.

Shoes and jacket you feel good in. Other stuff can be very basic then, like jeans and tee.

Spend a bit if time working out what clothes actually suit you and only buy things that really do. I send back 90% of things I order.

Personally, I think plain colours in good fabrics look good.

I've just had my 11s done. I have plenty of other area I could get done but I'm happy with these. I'm so glad not to be looking like a crumpled piece of paper. Never thought of doing it but something flipped and I'm happy I have.

Forehead botox, filler on your wrinkles.
HRT if you are peri/meno improved my skin and hair.
Get your colours done, I promise you won't need to dye your hair or wear fake tan if you wear the right colours.
Not dyeing my hair or using fake tan gives me hours back.
Medik 8 skin products.
Decent haircut.

Yep Botox. If you don’t want it any more/don’t like it, just stop! It has all metabolised after 8-12 weeks so no long term effects. Fillers… hmm can remain in the skin and are not metabolised in the same way so I’d exercise more caution there.

Dermatica has made more of a difference to my skin tone/texture/lines than anything else.

Lash tint and lift - I prefer this to extensions. Feels more natural and no maintenance. Just get it done when you fancy. Lasts 6-8 weeks.

My skincare/make up is quite(!) simple outside if this - SPF50 every morning. Balm cleanser, moisturiser. Maybe Vit C and/or salicylic acid depending on your skin needs. I like tinted primer as full coverage base never looks good on older skin. Cream blush. Brow pencil for definition.

Exercise - yoga and a weight based class - kettles or body pump. And sleep. It would be good to eat well too…

I also think I’ve had to massively rethink my wardrobe recently. Things I used to wear in my early 30’s don’t like right anymore. Go for a shopping trip - try everything on.

Finally, it’s expensive and time consuming trying to look young. It’s probably not the healthiest of pursuits and a certain amount of self acceptance would be more rewarding but that’s not always easy. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot on your own so try not to approach as a deficit (“I look awful, I’m not good enough”) but rather do those things that make you feel happy and good about yourself.

A fringe is my alternative to Botox for the forehead wrinkles

I work in a very young company and feel like the old woman of the west!

I'm the oldest in the office and love this connection!

Everything works if your expectations are realistic and you can throw enough time and money at it.
There's not a single sign of premature aging that can't be significantly minimised with the right lifestyle changes, treatment or procedure. You can just be systematic in identifying the specific issues, one by one, then addressing them.
Your 11s are the quickest fix. Ten minutes for botox and away they go! While you're there, talk to your doctor (it must be a doctor) about your other aging concerns. You don't need to know what treatment you want, as a good doctor will just ask you what bothers you, and then recommend based on that. You can then go away and research and decide what's right for you.
As for hair, there is very little a good hairdresser can't do to give you your dream hair, if you're open minded about cut, colour, style, and even extensions if your natural hair is very poor.
Alongside this, the holy trinity of excellent diet, excercise and guilt free rest will make you look and feel 10 years younger.