I truly hate how I've aged - help

[NotmykingEatCake]

I'm early 40s. I look older, I hate it. All my life I was complimented on looking younger. My
Mum looks at least 10 years younger than she is.

But then DH died 7 years ago and all the strain of grief and lone parenting tiny kids went to my face.

And my hair is grey, ffs.

I dye my hair but use zero products,

I want any and all suggestions pls for not looking so freakin ancient, I have budget. Does anything actually work?

I know someone who is around 32; she is very young. She does something, I don't know what. She still looks young, but has a shiny and smooth forehead. Maybe also something around her cheeks. It is not overdone, she still looks young. No one would ever tell her that it is noticeable; and it is not noticeable "in your face" kind of way, it's a very subtle change that is in line with how women who do botox/fillers look. Because we can be accustomed to it, it's not very noticeable, but if you have a good eye, you will see a specific look. These women can look well, no doubt. But a certain personality goes away from their face as they develop "a look"

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Agree with all the above. A light face tan , tinted eyebrows and coloured hair at hairdressers lifts me from frumpy.

I’ve started to use claronic face massager and gua sha with a little bit of facial massage for Howells and TMJ (nothing hardcore it’s just when I remember) and I think it’s making a slight difference. So if I had the funds and time I would go to somebody professional for face and neck massage

If you don't want to go down the botox route OP, I'm finding that frownies and The Ordinary Argeriline solution have made a bit of an improvement.

@yogibutton I have a cousin turned up once at an event with a face I can only describe as plastic looking. It was so smooth and sheeny it was odd, almost like wax. She was only about 30 and I concluded she had a peel? But not sure. It was truly surreal though. She looks more natural now.

OP, there's been so much advice on here. I'm also a widow and so I know how being a lone parent and carrying all the responsibility wears you down, let alone the actual bereavement itself. My main tip is to pick one or two things and work on them first. I started with teeth and had my teeth straightened, that took nearly two years. I also started using skin care products and a primer which I saw recommended on something.

That's basically it!

I would decide what would give you the most bang for your buck or is something that bothers you- if it's the elevens, get Botox or grow a fringe like I have (so much easier!). A smile goes a long way as well, easy to look furrowed and stressed with so much on your plate, start to do things you enjoy and when you look like you enjoy life more again, you will look fresher and nicer anyway (that's my theory and I'm sticking with it!)

@Highdaysandholidays1 You are right, it might be a peel, there is also a bit of botox because the lower part of her forehead doesn't move much periodically; the cheeks are also cherubic's chubby. I just think whereas neither individual treatment is noticeable on itself or anything anyone would mention, the overall effect is that it marks a woman as "having cosmetic treatments." I am not sure if it is a better or a fresher or a younger look, it is a look of a "woman who has cosmetic treatments." I can't evaluate it in terms of beauty or youth, it's a just a category of its own.

😆. It's not random strangers it's people I met through work, at social events etc. Not everyone looks their age, I know some people 50+ who look really young. They've not had fillers, Botox etc. They use good skincare, keep hydrated, exercise and have a zest for life.

Similarly the fillers/Botox look is just that, a look. And it's not always really obvious but you can normally tell when people have had it done no matter who expert or discrete the customer believes their practitioner to be.

No, they really don't. It's a comforting myth to pretend age is a great equaliser, when in truth its far kinder to some than others. I have two colleagues, both early 50s. One looks at least 15 years younger than the other, so clearly they can't both look their age. And as there's a huge variation in what women that age look like, who's to say whether one looks older than her age or the other looks younger?

VITAMIN D!!?? I hope you mean in a supplement form as UVA rays are THE most damaging thing to your skin.

@5128gap Okay fair enough, I believe you. I've just never personally met someone and thought "no way are they that age" 😆 If someone has had botox etc I just think they look their age but with botox, for example. Older people who are shorter and petite which can look younger, look their age in other ways to me.
Famous celebs with all their facelifts etc look their age to me still as something gives it away. Maybe it's me!

But that’s probably because you already know their age. I’m in my thirties and I always get ID’d, two managers at my work were trying to get persuade me to do a course which was eligible for funding for 18-24 year olds and both couldn’t believe it when I told them I was 32.

And I can think of celebrities who look way younger (Avril Lavigne, Una Healy, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez) than their age.

The thing is though, take a celebrity in her 50s, and Maureen down the road who's had some stress, doesn't eat well, maybe has health issues, little time or budget for self care. Few people would think the Celeb looked the same age as Maureen. Now Maureens vastly outnumber celebs, so why are we saying the Celeb is the one who 'looks 50'? It's a very high bar to set. Why doesn't Maureen look 50 and the Celeb look younger than her age?

Well that's good, and yeah I guess there are exceptions. I however have one of those faces that looked older even as a teen, not wrinkle wise but god knows why 🤣

@5128gap I guess because I think Maureen only looks bad as she hasn't put in any effort and the other is how 50 year olds could look if they look after themselves.
But yeah in terms of numbers then most people will be like Maureen so that is the most common way to look 50.

There are basic things like skin care, spf, regular hair cuts, exercise, flattering clothes etc which you have had good advice on here.

Once you have got those things in place there are a few more expensive tweaks that I have found very helpful.

Microblading your eyebrows and having Lipblush (both semi permanent make up procedures) can be very effective. They restore pigment that fades as we age and restore lost definition to the face.

Teeth whitening can take years off and brighten the whole face.

My eyes and eyebrows have sagged over the years making me look tired and grumpy - subtle Botox lifts them and makes me look awake and alert.

All these things need to be approached with caution. You need to find a good practitioner who can give a natural effect (unless you want a 'done look - some people do) but done well they can be amazing.

I've had other 'tweaks' but these are the ones that I found most rewarding and cost effective.

I've attached before and after of lips and brows. The after brow one also shows how Botox lifted my hooded lids and opened up my eyes.

@FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall Your lips look amazing! Thanks so much for posting. I had no idea about lip blushing. Googling now…

Also your brows are a transformation. Brilliant. What city are you in?