I truly hate how I've aged - help

[NotmykingEatCake]

I'm early 40s. I look older, I hate it. All my life I was complimented on looking younger. My
Mum looks at least 10 years younger than she is.

But then DH died 7 years ago and all the strain of grief and lone parenting tiny kids went to my face.

And my hair is grey, ffs.

I dye my hair but use zero products,

I want any and all suggestions pls for not looking so freakin ancient, I have budget. Does anything actually work?

100% botox in the forehead. Works absolute wonders

@Usernamen

5 years is a lot! To me anyway

I do filler and botox and quite a few of the things mentioned here.
I got told by a plastic surgeon (whom I had paid to see to give me a second opinion on my filler) I looked 2 or 3 years younger than my age of 45. Hmm. I was definitely hoping for more 😄

I’m 48 and told I look early 40’s by my highly critical teenager. 😂. The key for me is a good haircut and skincare. Don’t sunbathe- walk/cycle for some natural color, but don’t actively sunbathe, it’s so aging for your skin. Use a little fake tan and bronzer instead. I know several people who’ve suddenly seem to age in their 40’s/early 50’s due to sun damage, and it only gets worse in your 60’s/70’s.

I have a facial every couple of months and do use decent skin products-some rich serums for fine lines around my eyes and my forehead. Get my eyebrows done regularly too as it does make a difference.

I like coffee and wine, but do drink a lot of water and keep my weight steady (UK size 10). Have my hair cut and colored every seven weeks.

I’m not personally going to bother with Botox-again, according to DD, I look “put together” and I’m happy to be middle-aged. Glad to have made it this far. 🤷

Do you wear make up? You say you wear zero products and I definitely lose a couple of years with a bit of make up and definitely look older without it.

Sorry for your loss OP- hope you are ok.

You need to identify what is ageing you.

Wrinkles
Sagging (face shape)
Dull skin and pigmentation
Weight- makes face fatter and jowls more obvious

It may be wrinkles (and people have suggested Botox).

If it's sagging and a change in face shape, where it all falls south and you have jowls, that needs fillers if you are able to go down that route.

Diet is hugely important- sugar is ageing as it destroys collagen. Eat a very clean diet with loads of good fats- avocado, salmon, almonds, green veg, full fat plain yoghurt.

Use spf 50 daily. Every day. (I've done this for 30 years after medical advice and don't have any wrinkles, in my 50s, except for a few tiny ones at corner of eyes.)
I use cheap products- cleanser is £3, Olay Regenerist face cream, Ultrasun facial SPF 50.

I've had a tiny bit of fillers. I go to someone in London (they have a 3 month waiting list). She's a former dental surgeon and a cosmetic dr. I have very light cheek fillers which last me a year/ 18 months. I pay over £1K but it's my treat to me and I don't spend much on clothes and use cheap skincare.

I don't agree that there is a limit to what fillers can do. At some point I may have a tiny bit of filler at the sides of my jawline to lift the slight jowls up. You can't keep adding cheek fillers as you would look odd! The way they work where I go is a sprinkling of filler in the areas that need it to give a very subtle lifted look. No one knows or can tell I've had fillers. That's the whole point!

Why though? What does it matter that you’re 43 but look 48? There’s no difference in how society views a 43 year-old vs a 48 year-old.

The only time I can think of where looking 5 years older might be a problem is for a single woman in her late 30s who would not want to look early 40s as this is seen as past child-bearing age and may impact her being able to attract a mate.

I hope you’re able to feel good about yourself anyway, whatever changes you make.

Are you in London by any chance? Just would like to get some clinic recommendations.

@Skyluck I recommend the Cosmetic Skin Clinic www.cosmeticskinclinic.com
Not cheap but I've gone for around 6 years, only once a year or 18 months. Dr Mountford isn't taking new clients but the others are.

A decent Moisturiser and sun cream is the best you’ll get for preventing damage

^^ This.

And feeding your skin from within by eating good food, no booze, and avoiding massive weight gain or you will get several chins, jowls and a very bloated look to your face.

I get what you're saying, however I'm 48 and happy to look my age or younger, but wouldn't want people to assume I was in my fifties, illogical as that may be!

i second Botox, and also investing in a good, simple skincare routine. Do you have a (really good) skincare salon nearby? I have been to a brilliant one and the products they stock are fantastic. I have a very simple beauty routine - just face wash, serum, moisturiser at night then sunscreen in the morning. If I switch to poor quality products/drop the serum my face looks awful

I don't agree that expensive products are better. I've used everything from a £2 cleanser to Clinique at almost £30. At the moment I am using Waitrose Pure cleanser which is something like £2.50. It's unperfumed and takes all my make up off brilliantly. I just double cleanse with it and then use a hot moist flannel afterwards. I've also stopped paying £50 for a moisturiser (Clinique) and swapped to Olay (red pots) and find it's great and costs £14 from Amazon.

My biggest expense is Ultrasun face sun block spf 50 which is about £30. I don't go outside with it.

I work in this field and I am a bit surprised about the unreserved recommendations for botox and fillers. Everyday, we encounter clients whose face can no longer cope due to prolonged overuse and a number of other conditions which have developed due to botox/filler use.
I'm afraid that all roads lead to surgery in the end! Although I do not need it at this point, I will definitely be going for a facelift myself in the future. In the meantime, SPF40 minimum all year round even in Winter is a good idea, microneedling and thermage can be good intermediate solutions.

with= without!

What do you mean by working in the field? Are you a beautician? Cosmetic dr?

There is a huge difference between how these treatments are done. With respect, it sounds as if your clients are not having the best treatment or having it too often.

Fillers are temporary, so why are they having 'conditions' that are developing?
If they are getting side effects then either the treatments are being done incorrectly or the wrong products used

My cheek filler lasts 15 months. I have 1ml in each side.

I am really against young girls having trout lips and Botox when it's not needed.

I'm 48 and usually my age is guessed by strangers around 36. I don't have Botox or fillers. I don't care how "expert" the aesthetician is you can always tell. Women round my way my age all look the same weirdly smooth foreheads and stretched faces and they have a lot of cash to spend on such things.

I use good skincare, I've found that I usually end up going back to la Roche posay. Using the toleraine range at the moment and it's really made a difference. Factor 50 daily but still go for walks every day to get vitamin d. lifelong vegetarian, eat loads of pulses, veg, nuts. I dress how I want not conforming to middle aged "rules" regularly wear mini dresses/skirts I have good legs. Very little sugar as luckily don't have a sweet tooth. Re exercise I've done yoga for 25 years multiple times a week, that and walking/the odd hiit class seems to keep me toned and energetic. The women I know who run a lot are very thin and fit but aged in the face.

Hope that helps op. So sorry for your loss and hope you start feeling better about yourself soon.

I don't care how "expert" the aesthetician is you can always tell. Women round my way my age all look the same weirdly smooth foreheads and stretched faces and they have a lot of cash to spend on such things.

You can't. Even my own family can't tell. The women around your way are having poor treatment. No reputable cosmetic dr would over-do someone.

Oh god, yes family members all super kind and say I look 39!

Orson Welles said, we don't age gradually, every ten year it all catches up at once.
Drink LOTS of water. Go to bed early. Drink lemon water instead of caffeine. Go for walks to get circulation going. Lighten your hair.

Don’t worry about the anti ageing stuff- the best thing to keep your skin ‘young’ is spf and retinol.

frankly, the rest is smoke and mirrors/ diet/ clothes/ outlook on life etc.
I know people who seem old, even though they look young and it’s more to do with being a bit bored of life. they have good skin.

I think you need to get your spark back. Go to hairdressers and get a good haircut, then buy some nice clothes. Start eating well.
All these things seem small, but they’ll take years off you!

I’m early 40s too and felt the same way a few months ago so researched and started a bit of a skin routine. I’d start with tretinoin (also called retin a) - I use skin and me which is £25 a month I think and you get a special tube that dispenses the right amount for each day, you apply at night. They decide what ingredients you need but mine contains tretinoin, azelaic acid and niacinimide. They raise the dose of tret and other actives slowly month by month so your skin can get used to it.

i use this then cerave dry skin moisturiser (in a tub) morning and evening. I also take hyalauronic acid as a supplement along with magnesium, vit d and collagen (I use this mixed with water). I am starting to notice a difference.

Oh yes and spf50 everyday 👍

I have botox just on my 11s and am very happy with the result. I only started at 48 which I was told is too late to reverse the indents that are already there but I definitely feel that I look less cross/worried and a bit smoother. It's not miraculous or anything but definitely worth doing .

I think retinol can be helpful but had to stop with skin and me due to redness. I know it takes a while for skin to get used to it but red sensitive skin is my main skincare concern and I hate having red flushed cheeks. I actually prefer being pale to tanned but know that's not everyone's preference.